Mommy blogger, did you know the government is basically calling you Winona Ryder in Saks Fifth Avenue? As most of the blogosphere knows by now, on Oct 5th the Federal Trade Commission announced it was amending its laws about advertising endorsements and testimonials to include mommy bloggers. Ever notice how some commercials show a guy talking about how much he loves soap but in fine print it says "not a soap user"? Or a Internet dating site shows an amorous couple and the 12-point font blurb "not actual love. she just really wants to travel this summer... alone... without him"? Well now the government want bloggers to admit upfront whether they were paid or compensated for endorsing a product in their blog. 

Can you believe this? What in the name of delicious new Jalapeno Popper-flavored Doritos is going on here? Does the government think that just because we love the smooth refreshing taste of A&W root beer that someone will just send it to 460 N. Orlando Avenue in Winter Park, Florida? That's absolutely positively Zestfully clean ridiculous. So be aware, blog readers: look for notices at the bottom of each entry that say "This is a paid endorsement" or "I enjoyed this product mostly because it arrived for free in my mailbox."

While the media made mommy bloggers appear to be the sole target of the FTC', that's incorrect. The new amendments also target celebrities. That's right: the goverment is cracking down on celebs, who, according to the FTC, "have a duty to disclose their relationships with advertisers when making endorsements outside the context of traditional ads, such as on talk shows or in social media." Drew Barrymore, when you went on Jay Leno and talked about how you make the best grilled cheeses with Kraft Singles, you were paid? So what are you saying? Did you bring those Reese's Pieces to the set of E.T. too?

So stay sharp, brave consumer. While there are times when the government will intervene, you will typically face these challenges alone. Like the time I kept pushing those big nacho chips into the dip and they kept breaking. Then I tried Tostito's Scoops, the bite-size chip that goes great with any dip or salsa.**

**I am currently eating free salsa^^

^^With free chips

I don’t know about you, but after two kids -- and a half-dozen years of finishing their leftover mac 'n cheese and dino-shaped chicken nuggets -- my butt doesn’t need any help in the plumping department. For those of you who suffer from a too-flat fanny, though, now there’s hope: Bremenn Research Labs’ Butt Lift in a Box.

 
www.BremennLabs.com

I’m intrigued by this little kit (though, so far, not enough to try it) which contains a “plumping catalyst,” a “lifting and firming emulsion,” and, last but not least, a special butt-lifting and toning program. I’m guessing that’s a regimen best done in a room with drawn shades, but who knows? It could also make an amusing and possibly lucrative video.

Ironically, getting a Kardashian-worthy caboose will take a toll on your other bottom line -- the kit costs $99. So if you want a free option, please let me know, and I’ll send you some of my surplus butt. Then maybe we’ll both look like perfect tens in our Sevens.

For the last two years we’ve adopted the tradition of sacrificing our sugary goods to earn the good graces and fabulous gifts of the Halloween Witch. She flies through the night sky two days after Halloween, collecting all treats that have not yet been consumed by the children of the land to add to her sticky, sugary, tooth-destroying stash. In return for these leftover treats, she leaves a toy for each child who gives up his or her candy completely.

Our dentist told us that it was much better for the kids’ teeth to eat a bunch of candy every day for a short period of time than to eat a little bit every day for weeks or months. The idea of fighting with them for weeks about when and how much candy they could eat was absolutely agonizing to me. So we told the kids to just eat whatever they wanted as fast as they could and let the sugar-high chaos ensue. In the end, we turned to the Halloween Witch for help when we realized that we absolutely could not handle what our children became each year as they barreled their way through a seemingly unending candy gorge-fest.

After reading her blog post this week, I am also further reminded how much I like Leah and her values. The fact that she and her husband chose not to use money that others might need who are in a more desperate situation, speaks volumes to me about their character!

Within minutes of me telling Karen that I hadn't heard from my lawyers, the other line rings, and it's them! The lawyer's assistant proceeds to tell me that they want a closing by Monday or Tuesday, and that she needs my answer within 48 hours.

But one of those conditions involves me coming up with loot I don't have -- $3,000 to be exact!