a bit of advice from the men please

[mary84]

Here is my issue lol! I am a smoker but i am quitting cold turkey starting next week! i am scared lol but really excited to quit. I know the health benefits of quitting for both me and my children. I DO NOT SMOKE IN THE HOUSE!!! My hubby however does smoke in the house. there are a million things I hate about that like the smell, the effect it has on the kids, and of course how can i quit if he is going to smoke around me. so i brought it up today by saying i want to quit smoking so i dont want there to be any more smoking in the house and he LAUGHED at me and said what grounds do you hold to enforce that rule? WTF! so how do i make him either quit smoking all together (which is ideal) or to at least stop smoking in the house? someone help please.

[Willbearsmom]

I'm not a guy but I think you being the mom of the house gives you complete 100% say in the health of your children. Second hand smoke is literally killing your kids. I would leave if that was his response. Your children deserve to be healthy.

[kare.bear]

Most men want to help solve problems but I don't know many who want to be TOLD what to do. Tell him about your goal to quit smoking and why. Explain the health benefits to the children. I wouldn't tell him to quit or change up front...Let him come up with ways to help you solve the issue and improve your children's health. Perhaps to start with, he can smoke in a room other than where the children are with the window open... Then, with time, he may decide to step outside instead... At least for my husband, the worst thing I can do is TELL him what to do. He is like me - that'll just make him stubborn. Instead, I bring my concerns and let him make his own decisions about it...Sometimes, after bringing up an issue once and then letting it "percolate", he'll bring it up himself a week or so later and make the very recommendation I would have made in the first place...Or even have a better solution than I have.

And quitting smoking was 100% my husbands decision. He knew I didn't like it, but I never told him to quit...But, he still tells me I was the reason he DID quit... He wanted to be there for me and our (then) future children for years to come and knew that the first step was no more smoking. It wasn't cold turkey for him and took time... I just had to be supportive and not put him down when he did give in and have a smoke... In fact, since he didn't want to admit to the moments of weakness, those always ended up happening outside where it wasn't so obvious.

[Aquarius68]

(response from the Genuine Male Species)

First: how old is this guy? Even if he can't bring himself to stop smoking he should have the maturity to not smoke in the same house as his kids. I'm a smoker too, as WAS the mom of my child to be until she became pregnant. We're moving in the next few weeks and that's when I have to stop completely myself. I don't want my son to smell smoke on me but I have had the luxury of still smoking and taking my time quitting while she went through the fun of quitting smoking AND going through hormonal hell. Lucky me, eh? :-)

I haven't smoked in my house in years. I have never smoked in my newest car ('04) at all. It gets on your clothes, and cars stink for weeks after even just one cigarette.

It's a nasty, nasty habit and no one should know this better than smokers ourselves.

Any advice? I don't know the dude, but if I were over for a visit and I did as a guy I'd take him aside and say "dude, stop being such an asshole to your kids and at least take your filthy habit outside if you can't quit outright." Which actually might be a good suggestion for you: get one of his male friends to actually point out how selfish and inconsiderate he's being. Best of luck I hope he comes to his senses.