How Can I Fix My Mistake

[gAngeles]

Against why wife's advice i started bringing the baby to bed with us at an early age. now that he's one and moves around too much i want him in his own bed, but he will not cooperate. he will not go to sleep own his own. I neeeeeed some advice. (besides "next time listen to your wife"). Also. how would you discipline a baby when he throws his tantrums. for example when we are dressing him or changing his diaper?

[latia]

I am going through that now, the only difference is that I have (2) age 4 and 2 that will not sleep in their own beds all night. One suggestion that may work depending on the child is try putting the baby to sleep in his/her own bed and sitting next to it until he falls asleep. Sometimes that works for my four year old but it doesn't last all night. As far as the discipline goes it would depend on how old the baby is. I will check back to see if you respond and also to see if any other parents have any more advice on the sleep issue. Good Luck.

[kfiedler]

I have to say that it will be tough trying to get your little one in his own room, but whatever you do you have to remain consistant! There will be some sleepless nights and a cranky child but in the end it will be well woth it. What we did for our childern. It is very simpe the 5 minute rule let them cry for 5 minutes go in there and sooth them, don't turn on any lights and don't take them out of the room. Once they have calmed put them back then wait 10 minutes before you go in there. Each time add another 5 minutes between. They tire themselves out and will fall asleep. The first time I did it though I cried right along with my daughter, I felt so horrible. But whatever you do stick to your guns!!! As far as them throwing a tantrum while changing, its like my son and cutting his nails, make it quick sometimes and make sure they know that is has to get done no matter how they act. If they continue take something away from them. Good Luck!

[ra11en]

Tough situation! I'll leave the 'listen to your wife' for next time. ;) We never let this habit start, so I don't have first hand experience breaking it. However, we love Supernanny and she deals with this habit pretty much every week! She instructs the parents to make the change entirely, no easing into it, and be firm but loving. Don't waffle, stick to your guns, make them adapt (which little ones do well). It will be a rough first (or three) night, but eventually he will adapt as long you stand firm. There are a few different methods you can try depending on his temperment. I couldn't go in more than once to console my daughter when we were teaching her to self soothe (she always slept in her own crib so that part wasn't a fight). Seeing me would only escalate her fit. When I did have to go in to console her, it was only once and never would I take her out of her room. Don't waffle. Also, it helped us to transition her from bassinet to crib by letting her play in her crib throughout the day so she got to know her surroundings, it became her space that she feels safe and secure in. We make it sound so easy, but it is so hard to stick to it when you know if you just give in - just this once - you'll get some much wanted sleep. But you can't, otherwise you'll be in this same position a year from now and it will be even tougher to break! If you really want it to change, stick to your guns, even through the tears. It won't change by itself for a LONG time. My sister has all three of her sons in her bed and she's the one not getting a good nights sleep EVER, and she wishes she hadn't done it in the first place as well as not thinking it would just fix itself in time.

Supernanny is one tough lady, and I have yet to see her lose to a child at bed time! A good night night routine is a MUST! For naps and night time.

For tantrums....grrrrr, my wee one is a master. I think all toddlers are. They are trying to show control and independence, with a very undeveloped brain to do it with. Patience, even temper, and love are key. Try giving him as much choice as you can in areas he doesn't seem to throw tantrums over. That will give him another avenue of asserting control and independence. I will hold out two shirts and ask her which one she wants to wear. I will ask her which sippy cup she wants to use. I will let her decide which dessert (if she is getting one), which toy, brush teeth now or after bath time. Never give him a choice in something that there is no choice in. This helped my daughter not feel the need to throw tantrums AS MUCH, but they are still there. For those we cannot head off, we ignore ignore ignore. She will ratchet it up a notch by throwing herself on the floor or trying to hit her head against a wall, but we always try to ignore. Before ignoring, we get down on our knees on her level and explain why we cannot give her this or do that, then we go about our business. Sometimes just being heard is enough for her.

We take away toys when she throws them in a tantrum, and when she hits we either stop playing with her immediately or she goes to timeout for it.

A book that has really helped us with these impossible toddler temperments is What to Expect The Toddler Years. Really gives good insight to toddler psyche, and how to handle it. From the difficult child to the normal one (as normal as a toddler gets anyway).

Good luck! And trust me, all parents of toddlers have their moments where they look at their child and wonder if they have made all the wrong decisions and feel helpless. I'm sure you're doing a great job! This too shall pass~

[kaiya23]

We thought at first we would be in the same boat. My daughter's first month consisted of nights of getting up and putting down every 30 minutes! I would end up with her laying on my chest (on her belly!) in bed with us, or in a small rocker with me...yes I slept there too. We were really considering the idea of sleep-sharing, but we were newlyweds too...and that would've gotten complicated. Now the belly thing...we were trying to follow the rules and put her on her back or side...but she would NOT stay asleep. At about 5 weeks I put her down for a nap on her side and as she relaxed she "rolled" over to her belly and slept for HOURS! So we gave into her belly sleeping and prayed every night that she'd turn her head. But that doesn't really help you....

What is the bedtime routine? My daughter will be 1 in a week, and we've started a routine. She goes to bed soon after dinner (we've just cut the before dinner nap, so it works). So after cleaning up the mess of letting her feed herself, we go upstairs, get in PJs (sometimes with a bath first), brush the 2 1/2 teeth she has cut, read 2 or 3 books, and the lights go out. I do indulge in rocking her to sleep...she is in day care all day and that is my close time with her (singing, however off-key, benefits kids from the start). Generally once she is basically asleep she gets put in her crib. If she wakes up and fusses, i wait a little bit, go back in, put her back down, rub her back a little, say goodnight and I love you and walk out. If it continues I wait longer then do the same and eventually she gets so tired she puts herself down and sleeps. We've been pretty consistent with it and it has worked to get her to sleep to stay.

I would start by getting him to sleep before putting him in the bed. Get a routine set so he knows what comes next. As soon as you can get that consistent every night where he doesn't wake up until the morning, then work on getting him to go to sleep on his own, in steps. Put him down just before he's fully asleep, then after he's just calm in your lap, then after a couple of books have been read, or whatever step comes before acutal sleep. We'll be working on the same thing soon.

Also think about his nap schedule. My daughter takes one mid-morning, about 1 1/2 hours after lunch and until recently about an hour before dinner. We've cut that one before dinner b/c she wasn't going to sleep until 10 p.m. and I wasn't getting anything done. So now, I have to deal with some crankiness before dinner, but after dinner we go through the routine and she's asleep by 7:30. I then have a couple hours to do whatever needs to be done around the house...even if it's watching a movie with my husband...or...other stuff ;)

Sounds like a lot of work...but isn't that parenting?

[Kerisweetpea]

i had the same problem with my son. i spoiled him and let him sleep in my arms and in the bed with us. but it gets old fast. i would put him in his bed and talk to him for like a minute then i would turn his mobile on then walk out of the room and shut the door. it would take no time at all to figure out what just happened and i would just let him cry but if he cried longer then 10 minutes i would go in there and calm him down and turn his mobile on again and i would do this until he would fall asleep. it only took about a week then he was sleeping in his own bed all night!
And my son throws tantrums too, i just let him scream and kick at the floor then when he's done crying and screaming then i ask him if he's done and if he would like to come sit and play with mommy. just sometimes kids need to throw tantrums it releases built up energy then i know my son feels and acts so much better after he has his little tantrum. oh and what i do if im trying to get him dressed or change him i distract him with something he normally wouldnt be allowed to play with like the remote control or telephone then he calms right down.also you can try to make getting dressed a game like peek-a-boo with the shirt and his diaper (the clean one before you put it on LOL) i know my son LOVES to play that. i hope this helps a little......

[gAngeles]

i appreciate all the help. I always tried to just put him in his crib and wait till he fell asleep on his own, but the key word is "tried". this kid just has me wrapped around his chubby pinkie. i felt so bad to hear him cry like that. just to clear it up though. after hes been cryng for a few minutes. when i go back in do i take him out of the crib till he stops crying, then put him back? or do i just lay him back down?

[fuzzy]

you just go in to reassure I wouldn't even take him out ,I'd just go in and tell him it's ok It's bed time and leave again.I know it's not easy but he'll get it soon!keep strong it'll get better!

[ra11en]

I think its a trial and error to figure out the best way to calm him. With my daughter, we ended up with a routine of me going in one time to comfort her which usually entailed 10 minutes of rocking and soothing. When I would put her back in her crib she would inevitably start screaming (even if she was fast asleep while rocking) at which time I would have to let her cry it out or daddy would go in after a few minutes to give her a reassuring pat on the back while laying her back down. It would send her over the edge anytime I went in there, we found out the hard way.

Ideally they say you should only lay them back down, not take them out of the crib. And you should repeatedly do that (laying them down) until they fall asleep, going into the room after first 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and so forth. That may work well for you since your son is a bit older, but we found through trial and error that that was just a little too hard for us when our daughter was 6mo old. Now that she's older, when she does wake up (rarely) we don't go in her room unless she is really screaming for a few minutes and when we do go in it is just to make sure she is okay (not running a fever) and lay her back down. You want him to learn to self sooth as well as sleep on his own, two very necessary tools for young ones that they have to learn with your help.

One of the most useful tools I had when teaching my daughter to self sooth was a timer. I used it to time my trips into her room, because when she was screaming at the top of her lungs one minute felt like an hour so without a timer I would have gone in there way too soon. They don't know how to self sooth without being taught (so I've read anyway), but I think the real lesson is for the parents! :)

Being wrapped around his chubby little pinkie is exactly where you're supposed to be by the way. :)

Good luck!! Hope you update us on how its going!

[sixzilliondots]

My advice is to create a consistent bedtime routine before you ever try anything else, than use the cry it out method.

As far as discipline for diaper changes and clothes at one year, absolutely not. In fact he's right on task developmentally. One of the milestones is not cooperating for diaper changes so he is just doing what is supposed to do. I waited until around 18 months to tackle this behavior and I just told my son that it was time to get dressed or change his diaper and he needed to lay still, if he did I gave him a sticker.