Miscarriage at 35 weeks...

[Redtaki3]

May 26, 2009. I went in for a 35 week check up and there was no hearbeat. The pregnancy was normal. I didn't fall, or have an accident, no diabetes, nothing. It just happened out of the blue. I had a c-section the next day. I'm not ready to join a local support group and I just came back to work yesterday. It's really tough when people ask me "Oh you had the baby, how is he?" I guess they didn't get the memo. My world has been turned upside down and around and around. I have to be strong for my 2 year old son. My husband is the best but he couldn't possibly understand my feelings. I know he hurts too but it's different for a mom. We want more kids but should we wait about a year or start trying now?

[H.Starr]

I read this, and I really don't know what to say. I just want to cry for you. I can't even imagine what you went through, and are probably still going through. I have never been in your shoes, so I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I am hurting for you. I am so sorry this happened.
6 or 12 weeks would be bad enough, but 35....I can't imagine.
Anyway, I'm sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say, I just wanted you to know that I'm feeling for you right now.
I think you should start trying whenever you feel comfortable. I'll be hoping that everything goes right the next time around. You definitely deserve it.
I'm so sorry.

[hardworkinmama]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I agree with H.Starr, you should begin trying again when the time is right for you.

[Redtaki3]

Thank you so much. It's horrible to go through this. I pray that no one else ever has to. God had a plan. I know that and maybe one day I will really understand.

[jlefty]

I immediately started to cry when I read your post. I have had 3 miscarriages. They were at 15 weeks, 9 weeks, and 8 weeks. I understand when you say your "husband is the best but he couldn't possibly understand." I have a great husband who has always been there for me but I know he doesn't understand 100% what I have gone through. Start trying when you feel you are ready both physically and emotionally. God had does have a plan. Stay strong and keep Praying.

[rickip]

I'm so sorry for your loss... at 35 weeks you were already counting down to due date, supposed to be past all that concern... I'm sure it's heart-wrenching for you! Of course your hubby is grieving too, guys do handle things differently though. You are right, God needed that little angel in Heaven right then, you just had your baby for God instead of yourselves. That's a big blessing, just think, to carry and give birth to one of God's own angels and give him back. God must think a lot of you.

[Redtaki3]

Thank you so much for your message. I cried just thinking about God "choosing me" to carry one of his angels. No one had put it like that. I am truly blessed.

[auntieJ]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

My sister lost her little girl at 36 weeks last summer. It was a total shock, she was kicking like usual during the night, but the next morning at a routine dr appt there was no heartbeat and she was gone. Her perinatologist was a wonderfully compassionate and wise older woman. She recommended in her many years of experience that a year is a healthy time to wait, because emotionally it takes time to grieve and heal, which should not be underestimated, but also, at 35-36 weeks, the mom's body has basically built a whole little person and that takes a lot out of the body. The body needs time to recover. The doctor recommended she take vitamins, make sure she gets enough calcium and continue a healthy diet for at least 6 months before even trying to get pregnant. It was very hard for her to hear that, because all her friends were pregnant or new mommies and a year sounded like an eternity. That year felt like a million years but went by in a blink, if that makes any sense. A year later, she's expecting again and I think she's in a healthier mental place now. It's going to be different for every woman emotionally, but that has been her experience.
I wish you the best now and when you are ready for your next pregnancy. You may find it helpful to see a perinatologist ("high risk OB") for a pregnancy following a loss, and maybe it could be useful while you plan another pregnancy, too. I have so much respect for the perinatologist my sister saw. She spoke to the whole family about the loss and had an insightful perspective on how to support my sister and how to deal with our own grief as well. It takes an amazing amount of compassion to choose a job where there is so much sorrow.
God bless.

[camden]

i'm so sorry. i miscarried 5 weeks ago at 11 weeks, and my heart is broken, it breaks even more for you. i know the frustration of wanting to know why, and knowing that you will never have that answer. try to honor your precious angel by being the best mother you can be to your son. in time, you will heal, and when you are ready, i hope God blesses you again.

[redheadedtexan]

I started crying the minute I read your post. I am expecting my first and everytime I go to the doctor my heart is in my throat until I hear the heartbeat, especially if I haven't felt movement in a while. My heart hurts for you. I hope you find the support you need to keep moving forward if not for yourself for your other children and family.

[grandmaD]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm glad that even though you don't feel ready to join a support group that you did reach out to this forum. Hopefully you will find other sources for comfort and encouragement when the time is right.

I think I know what you are saying about your husband not being able to fully understand your level a grief. It is different for a woman because you had been carrying your child in your womb for all these months and that does compound the emptiness and grief you feel.

One word of advice, though: don't underestimate the grief your husband is experiencing. Although he won't experience it the same way you do, perhaps it is fair to say that you may not have a full sense on his grief either. Think about it this way, perhaps his grief is different because he was unable to as completely bond with your unborn child the way you could. Maybe he is even a little jealous because you and the child did share that bond.

I would strongly encourage you to talk with one another and share your feelings about your grief. You are both grieving. You both lost a child and being individuals you will experience that loss uniquely. This will be a test of your marriage to be sure, so share it together and let your love be proven enduring and strong.

[SunnyDay]

Last year, I was half-way through my first pregnancy when we lost our daughter. It really is painful to lose a child that is so close to being in your arms. I feel your grief, but it really brought my husband and I closer to each other. I also debated trying again soon after, but now that this year has past I am glad we waited. I have made peace with our loss although I will always miss her. We look forward to trying again within the next couple of years (I graduate this semester & hope to find a good job with benefits so my husband can stay home with the kids).

[inchrist6]

Dec 18th 2009 my wife had felt little movement and through the 20th. On the morning of the 20th I said to her lets go get checked out just to be sure that everything was okay (he was at 37 1/2 weeks). After several doctors and nurses visited with us we were finally told that our son Jacob had gone home to be with the Lord. Well I can’t even begin to describe the different levels of emotions that we both went through. I’m sure those in the post can understand. What we have found that even though the devastation of it all was overwhelming, our relationship became closer and we actually feel like we are one. I will never understand it fully what my wife went through. I do my best to humble myself and put her on a pedestal everyday. We just recently started trying again and we think she is pregnant. I would not recommend this every couple starting so soon after, but for us it was putting faith in God that led us to the decision to try again. We have leaned on our faith in God to overcome all obstacles. My prayers go out to all. May God keep you.