Grade School Cliques

[Casalinga]

The little girls at my daughters school are so cliquey at such a young age. I've been trying so hard to teach her to be everyone's friend and to avoid situations that exclude other children and to discourage being mean about deciding who is and who is not in the group. It's really hard because it doesn't seem like the other moms are trying to teach their kids, especially daughters, the same thing.

What's going on???

[ApeyWine7]

My daughter is only in the 1st grade, but it has started, but I remember it being that way when I was younger. I have overheard other mothers telling their daughters not to talk to certain other children because their family is "skanky", but perhaps that is just cause I live in a seriously small town. I discourage taunting on my daughters part and leaving out other little girls, but she is influenced by the other children. It is a bad thing, but I think it has been that way for a long time and will be that way for a long time. I just try to make sure that my daughter is the exception and to treat everyone the same way and teach her that just because someone's family isn't rich, it has nothing to do with who they are inside. It seems to be working for us!

[Casalinga]

I really think that many moms are just too afraid that their kids will not be popular if they are friends with the "wrong" kids. So in their minds, it is better to have them be a mean girl than an unpopular girl.

Well I'm not having any of it - if I have anything to do with it.

[Gracious]

speak of the devil... my daughter came home today in TEARS because some girls were making fun of her jeans. she is 6!!! how do i teach her to brush that off? i want her to have friends, i don't want her to be a loner. but i want her to be an individual that stands up for herself, too!

[fuzzy]

I really think that many moms are just too afraid that their kids will not be popular if they are friends with the "wrong" kids. So in their minds, it is better to have them be a mean girl than an unpopular girl.

Well I'm not having any of it - if I have anything to do with it.

You've said it right there! We( I don't mean us in gerenal)are teaching our children these behavoiurs and allowing the vicious cycle of bullying continue!I think most parents don't worry about it until it's their child that is being bullied.I know that this is something that needs change..There are kids out there dying from bullying! I'd really like to know when society is just going to say enough and do something about it!

[rogue]

I don't think it helps that our society picks on people right and left for everything, especially their looks. Just look at our celebrities and how there are magazines and web sites committed to making fun of what people are wearing or criticizing them if someone has gained ANY weight. Our culture teaches that this is okay. My guess is that a lot of these girls' moms behave this way as well even though they don't think their child sees it. This is a learned behavior, and until people vow to stop it themselves, it will continue.

[lrbizeebee]

It's very sad when you foresee the cycle of "bullying" occurring in young children. I think, as moms, teaching your child at an early age to be kind to everyone is definitely a start. There's a company called Bing Note (www.bingnote.com), that develops materials for young children, focused on building self-esteem. The company was started by an elementary school teacher who saw the need to develop materials that inspire children to believe in themselves and to respect others. Their book, That's Bingzy! Busy Building Self-Esteem is a picture book with great illustrations, and the book is in rhyme. One of the concepts it teaches is for kids to be Strong on the inside. On the Bing Note website, there are also several blogs on bullying, written by The Schoolmarm. Here's a link to one of the articles: http://www.bingnote.com/blog/prepare-your-child-for-bullies. The Schoolmarm also gives some wonderful advice if you want to write in and ask a question.
Hope this helps!

[Casalinga]

I think the behavior is becoming more and more accepted as the norm. In some other online forums (not this one) I have seen grown, educated, suburban women with kids behaving in ways that really startle me. They pick on each other, ganging up on anyone who says something that they deem "stupid", using vulgar language and merciless taunting. It's no wonder kids show up at school and act so mean, with moms like those ones as role models.

To be truthful, it scares me a little about our society. Why are we like this?

[helloworld]

My daughter is only in the 1st grade, but it has started, but I remember it being that way when I was younger. I have overheard other mothers telling their daughters not to talk to certain other children because their family is "skanky", but perhaps that is just cause I live in a seriously small town. I discourage taunting on my daughters part and leaving out other little girls, but she is influenced by the other children. It is a bad thing, but I think it has been that way for a long time and will be that way for a long time. I just try to make sure that my daughter is the exception and to treat everyone the same way and teach her that just because someone's family isn't rich, it has nothing to do with who they are inside. It seems to be working for us!
completely right. No one, except the older boys (especially the ones that don't listen to their parents) play with my 9 YO daughter. She says that other girls don't want to be friends with her because she is "different".