View Full Version : intimacy is non-exsistant
07-17-2009, 11:15 AM
We've had a problem nagging us for the last 4 or 5 months. My girlfriend is 5 months pregnant, but has no desire to be intimate at all! She doesn't like to be touched in any way, no cuddling, no kisses or hugs...NOTHING. It's starting to drive me insane it's having a negative effect on our relationship (more fights and hostility towards one another) I'm having a very hard time with it because it's making me feel unattractive and unwanted. The question we both want answered is, is this normal during a pregnancy and will or can it change? Also, what are some things that can be done to turn this around? Any help would be greatly appreciated!
07-17-2009, 12:15 PM
Yes its normal, and yes I'm sure it will change.
The things I've heard most often are second trimester = no sex, third trimester = more sex than you know what to do with.
I wasn't like that, my sex drive was consistent my entire pregnancy. But I've known of people who don't want sex ever while pregnant, and people who can't get enough.
It all in the hormones. Pregnancy makes your hormones go crazy.
Also, you mentioned you feel unattractive and unwanted...is it possible she's feeling the same way? I'm sure she's gained weight and her body is looking different, is it possible she feels like you're probably disgusted by her?
I was like that a lot. My husband swore up and down he was still just as attracted to me as ever, but I FELT like a whale, so I believed he also thought I looked like a whale.
If that's the case, just remind her as often as you can that you think she's beautiful and sexy, just as much as pre-pregnancy, if not more so.
If that has nothing to do with it, than its probably the hormones, and will change on its own. I suggest trying to be as romantic and seductive as you can. She's most likely not going to want rough fast sex right now, but if you're sweet and romantic and such, you might be able to convince her to make love.
In the meantime, don't get mad at her for it. Its really honestly not something she can do much about. Its nature.
07-17-2009, 02:06 PM
I'm as romantic and sweet as I ever was. I bring her flowers when she least expects it, I'll write her notes sometimes that I'll leave on my pillow before I go to work and I even notice when she's getting low on her vitamins and pre-natal pills and I'll go out and buy her some more. I tell her she's beautiful and how sexy she looks with her new curves too, but she just doesn't want to be touched at all. She told me that she worries about gaining the weight and how much her looks will change and I said to her that it's understandable that you'd be concerned about that, but regardless, you're still the same girl to me. I'm trying my best to wait this out and we've actually considered talking to someone about it, but I don't wanna waste my money if it's nothing to be concerned about.
07-17-2009, 02:20 PM
I was the same way when I was pregnant. I was just depressed and always in a bad mood towards my husband. He never did anything to deserve it. Even though I acknowledged my actions, there was nothing I could do to stop...and that made me feel even worse. I would have her talk to her OB/GYN and see if they have any suggestions or prescriptions that she could try. Just try to remember that there is nothing she can do to control her hormones right now, and it has nothing to do with you.
07-17-2009, 02:23 PM
I'm aware that there's nothing she can do and once in a while, she'll sit down and tell me how much she appreciates everything I'm doing and that she's sorry for being a ***** towards me lol I asked her to talk to our midwife at our upcoming appointment and she thought it would be a good idea, but only if I didn't go because it would make her feel uncomfortable...which is understandable.
07-17-2009, 02:53 PM
with my first son, i didnt change at all i was the same person threw the whole pregnancy, except the end when i just wanted the baby out! but with this pregnancy its different, i dont want to cuddle, no sex, no nothing! i have been like this the whole time and i am at 30 weeks. i talked to my dr and he said the only thing we could do is to try different positions but that dont work when i dont even want to try.
so yes it is normal its just what our body goes threw, and yes it will get better it might not be right away but it will get back to normal. just keep being your romantic sweet self, even tho it dont seem like it, it is helping! TRUST ME!!
07-25-2009, 12:43 AM
Im 28 weeks pregnant and we rarely have sex. My DH nearly goes crazy so we try for once a week. Im a normal happy preggo, and my DH thinks my body is gorgeous, and extremely attractive( I dont necessarily agree though) Before I was pregnant we went at it like crazy! At least once a day, but now I just dont feel like it. I get there...eventually but it takes alot of work. All you can do is let her know how you feel, and find a happy medium. Good luck, and hopefully for all of us it'll get better soon!
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