5yr old and anger management?

[mygirl]

Our 5 year old daughter has been struggling lately dealing with her anger and frustration. She is a very emotional little girl and in the past she used to cry (& scream) a lot. However, in the last few months she has started hitting (others & things), kicking & throwing. We work with her constantly to reinforce different methods of self calming, but it's like she completely forgets them when she has a meltdown.

We do know that part of her issues lately are due largely to her starting Kindergarten and that is totally understandable. The first two days of school she did great - so much so that the teacher even sent me an email commenting on how well she was doing. THEN today we were notified that she blew up for apparently no reason (teacher couldn't get a reason out of her) and then started scratching her throat to the point that it left marks. She has NEVER done that before and now the school wants her to see the counselor because she is exhibiting self destructive behavior! My theory is that we have been on her so much about not hurting others that she doesn't know what to do so she has turned to hurting herself!

I know that her teacher/principal are just concerned about her, but they make me feel like my kid is on the path to being diagnosed with some kind of disorder, when in reality she is just overly emotional (she gets it from me). She isn't behind developmentally, and in fact, she has always been somewhat ahead of the others. She doesn't exhibit any other "behaviors" other than her out of the blue meltdowns...but, if I know my daughter something must have been bothering her to set her off.

It is so frustrating because we are not having these issues at home so when we hear this we are truly shocked. When she begins to have a meltdown at home we start to count to three and then it's off to time out.

HELP!!

[mar_at_only4moms]

I wonder if your daughter is exhibiting anger issues at home with the hitting and kicking? It sounds like you might be keeping her temper in control at home, and doing a great job at it.
At school, it could be that her teacher was not paying attention to whatever the situation was, and your daughter just escalated.
Your daughter can be extremely bright and have some anger or emotional issues. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will be diagnosed with something that is difficult to control. Don't worry.
I know a boy who has some anger issues and he is extremely bright. He has learned how to keep his temper in check by following a number of reactions. #1 stop and breathe. #2 close your eyes #3 think of your favorite toy (things like that).
Or ~ maybe she doesn't have an anger issue. Do you know if she's imitating another child? Keep an eye on the way she deals with frustration.
Good luck. It may not be as bad as your think.

[mygirl]

Thank you for your note and I totally agree that I believe the teacher may not have seen the whole situation and by the time she got to my daughter she was at her wits end and just lost it. As for her imitating another child, well, I think that is how she started the hitting & kicking, but the meltdowns have been a part of her life since she would walk!

EVERY morning before she heads off to school we "practice" what she should do if she gets frustrated. It's hard because I know that she gets so overcome with emotion that she just can't get it together.

I also don't think it's really that "abnormal", I mean, she's only five! It's just so hard when the teachers come at you like your child is exhibiting behavior that they've never seen before...they make you feel like a freak!

Thanks again1

[mar_at_only4moms]

Teachers are responsible to notify parents whenever something out of the ordinary happens at school.

It is important to remember that if your child does something once, it does not automatically indicate that your child has a "problem".

I have to tell you a quick story. When my daughter was 3, her preschool teacher called me to pick up my "uncontrollable daughter." She was screaming and crying for "no apparent reason". Weeks later, I was volunteering when the children were up on stage for a little show. We went behind the curtain and my daughter "freaked". I spotted a scary mask lying on the floor. It turns out that my daughter got scared when she saw the mask. Does she have any problems? No. This was an isolated incident.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

[RLCOFFIN]

My daughter had these same reactions/melt downs, etc. while on Singulair. Dramatic change in coping skills when meds discontinued.

[Calamity_Girl]

Don't take it as an insult or an attack that the teacher suggested she see a counsellor. It certainly doesn't mean she is going to be diagnosed with something. You have admitted that she has meltdowns and it's not typical for a child at age 5 to be exhibiting anger as she is. She is having some trouble expressing her anger and while you are working on it, it probably wouldn't hurt to let her see the counselor. The counselor also may have some good ideas for you try with her. A social story may help her remember ways to calm herself when she is upset; it's presented in calm times and has visuals which may help.

[patty52001]

My son is having some issues with shutting down and getting frusterated at school. I have not been able to figure out where this came from at all. In Pre-K he had no problems at all. In kindergarten and now in first grade he has the shutdown issue when he gets in trouble. He also has issues with attention. His teacher has convinced me that I need to get him checked out for ADHD. I am very skeptical about medicating him though. My son is also on singlair for his asthma. I did not know this was a possible side effect. I am going to look into this. Thanks!!

[Jcbarte]

Hi there,
I'm new to this forum...I am experiencing similar issues with my 4 yr old. He has always been very shy and tends to get frustrated with himself. When he gets upset he says things like " everyone hates me " etc This upsets me very much since our family is always telling eachother how much we love each other and giving hugs & kisses. I try to talk to my little guy and then he calms down. He recently started kindergarten and we are on day 3 - the teacher has advised that he can be a bit stubborn and mid morning he gets sad and wants to come home. Today she advised that we need to talk with him - I guess he got mad a couple of times today for dropping his cookie, someone sitting in his chair. It doesn't last long but I don't know how to help him with his self esteem Any advice would be appreciated......

[Teresa Coker]

omg, this is just like my 5 yr old boy. He is a very loving and sweet little boy, but he has started throwing tantrums and stays in trouble at school. Last year in k-4 he was playing with children who misbehaved a lot, then he started it up him self. This year he is not with most of those boys and he is so worse. It has gotten to the point where he won't sit down and do his work or keep his hands to him self. He was an only child for 4yrs and last year, his father and step-mom had a little girl then 5 mo later I gave birth to his little brother. He really loves his brother and sister, but he is so jealous. He dosn't care what he has to do to get attention as long as he gets it. I am at my whitts end I don't know what to do. When I try to talk to him and he gets emotional and crys or freezes up and won't talk to me. If I take things from him, he dosn't care he just goes on to some thing else. I don't like to spank him, but when I was a child that worked for me. But he gets over that and goes right back to what ever he is doing. Some time bribery works but not always and some times after he gets his treat or surprise he starts being bad again. I so need help!!!!!!!!