Night Weaning

[KateTheGreat8]

Hello! I am new to the boards. I have a 2 1/2 year old little girl named Scarlett. She has been nursing like a newborn since...well...she was a newborn! I've got the hang of weaning during the day...you say no! But at night is when it is the worst! She nurses 6-8x a night, for at least 15-20 mins. It is SO uncomfortable and I'm at the point where I can't sleep while she nurses anymore b/c it feels so weird now. I've developed back pain from the positions I have to be in, and my husband is kicked out of our bed! Last night was so awful and it made me thinkg "ok thats enough!!" I do everything I've read in books for night weaning, but I think she is a special case. I can't really use my husband b/c he has to wake up at 6am every morning and I don't want to put him through that. Does anyone have any advice? Also, I am going away for 3 nights in about 2 weeks. I was hoping to have her weaned by then, but she is a stubborn little girl!!

[KayLady]

I think the 3 nights away is what is going to work for you. Sometimes the only thing that works is cold turkey. Especially since she is at an age to really demand what she wants, you (or whoever will be with her) will have to endure some really big temper tantrums, but that's what it takes. I think she's not hungry, she's just developed that pattern as a habit and it's not good for her sleep. BTW, kudos to you for being able to nurse this long!

[lismom2]

2 and a half years!! You just became my hero ;)!!
See if this helps :)
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html

[RImommy]

Did I read that right, she is nursing 8 times a night?! My son didn't nurse that much when he was a newborn (how are you functioning with so little sleep?)- so I think it is definitely comfort/habit that she is acting on, not hunger. I agree with Kay that you being away is what is going to break the habit, as long as you don't start again when you get back. The bad news is she is 2 1/2 and can be stubborn and demand what she wants, the good news is she is 2 1/2 and should be better able to understand when you explain to her that there will no longer be night feedings (although she won't like it and will almost certainly protest big time) and will be able to catch on pretty quickly that she is not going to get what she wants.

[bluegrassmom]

She should have been able to sleep through the night without nursing at a few months of age so it's definitely become a comfort measure. At 2 1/2 it's going to be really tough to break, but you will all sleep better if you do. She needs her sleep and if she's waking that often to nurse, then she's not getting enough sleep. I would definitely go cold turkey. I don't think there really is another way to do it at this point. Also, I don't know how you feel about pacifiers, but that might help ease the transition. She obviously gets comfort from sucking and has become accustomed to that at night. You could try replacing nursing with a pacifier. If she fights it, I would try getting her used to it at naps and working it into bedtime. When she wakes up at night, give her the pacifier and don't pick her up or talk to her. It won't be long (although it'll feel like it!) before she'll realize that nighttime is for sleeping and you're not going to nurse her.

[NoAdditives]

My daughter is only 8 months old but any time I've needed to wean her off of night time feedings I do it gradually. She's slept through the night since she was about 6 weeks old but there have been some stressful times like moving, huge growth spurts, etc. where she regresses a little bit. When she wakes up multiple times a night I take out one feeding every day or two and reduce the amount I let her drink. After a few days I switch from milk to water (since she's got teeth I don't let her have milk after I brush her teeth at night) and then move to the pacifier. It usually takes about a week to get her back to normal.

Since your daughter is feeding 6-8 times a night I'd take out start by reducing the amount she drinks at two feedings and then after a couple days take out those feedings completely. Then reduce and remove the first feeding and make sure she's very full before bed. Then just gradually take out the rest of the feedings. If she doesn't start adjusting easily try offering a bottle with water or a pacifier.

I think going cold turkey is going to be very stressful for your daughter and will result in lots of crying and even less sleep for both of you. Easing her off the night time feedings will take some time but it should make the transition much smoother.

[mommy of 4 kids]

i believe in cold turkey just give her a bottle that feels like the brest {they make bottles like that go to target, wal-mart,etc. you should find a bottle like that} or if the bottle does't cut it then a pacifier might do it. Cold turkey would be the way i will go if i had to wean my 3 year old son off of brest feeding but lucky all of 4 of my kids took to the bottle i almost brest fed all of them but i didn't like the feeling of it. but your not the only one going thru with brest feeding your 2 1/2 year old daughter i saw on you-tube once a mother of 2 kids one was 6 years and the other was 8 years old and she still brest fed her kids cause it's true go on to 8 year old brest feeding. on youtube and watch the video. But i would do cold turkey and she may protest the first couple of nights but after awhile she get it that "mommy isn't go to give me my comfort brest so i'll scream for it and see what's happen but when you don't come she'll get it that mommy isn't playing the brest feeding game". just give her the pacifier when she screams

[myangelhunter]

first off, i think that nursing your daughter for 2.5 yrs is way to long! she should have been off by the time she was a year! thats just weird to be nursing a toddler! shes old enough to be drinking from a sippy cup not your chest, get her to drink out of a cup soon!

[lismom2]

first off, i think that nursing your daughter for 2.5 yrs is way to long! she should have been off by the time she was a year! thats just weird to be nursing a toddler! shes old enough to be drinking from a sippy cup not your chest, get her to drink out of a cup soon!

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends Breastfeeding for a MINIMUM of two years.

Not everyone thinks it is 'weird' ;). Besides, Bf-ing relationships are more than just nutrition.

[gina99]

Hi there,
You're doing great - what an accomplishment to have such a great bond with your 2 and a half year old that she wants to be close to you all night long. I have a 21 month old, and often struggle with the weaning decision. My son still nurses when we get home from work, before bedtime, and in the morning. We sleep in the same bed, so he wakes up a few times during the night to nurse as well.
My husband got kicked out of bed so much, we bought a bigger bed :)
No one can tell you what the right decision to make is, only you and your little one can figure that out. Keep in mind that your baby might want to nurse so much at night to make up for "lost sessions" in the day. I follow the "Don't refuse, don't offer" rule which is helpful for us. I don't offer it up, but let him nurse when he wants it.
Some nights are tough, I agree with you there. But the times when I know it's worth it, it makes me forget all the tough nights.
Good luck - you'll do the right thing. Trust your instincts :)

[Bazzethound]

Way to go, Mom!! I don't blame you for wanting your sleep- she needs to be sleeping longer amounts of time, too. Scarlett is too old to need to wake up that often at night to do ANYTHING!! I would have a talk with her to tell her than your breasts have to go to sleep when you do. If the two of you begin to get better sleep, you might even decide you don't need to wean her at all. Maybe you can even set up a special outing for the two of you when you get your first long night's sleep!

Speaking of weaning...With my first son, I let him go to the beach for 4 nights with my parents and sister at 22 months- when he came home, we told him the "nuk nuk" was all gone. When he needed something to comfort him to sleep, I'd hold him close and give him a bottle of follow-up formula that was very weak. It didn't taste that great, but gave him a little taste of what he was missing. It was hardest when he was upset and wanted to nurse for comfort, but it all worked out great.

Still nursing his 2 year old little brother (they're almost 10 years apart) when he wants to, but I'm not offering-not refusing. I'm so glad I've had this fantastic extended nursing relationship with both my sons. Good luck!

[bluepywakit@yahoo.com]

I just wanted to say I know what you are going through. My son will be two in 4 weeks and I have been struggling with weaning him for the last 6 months. He is very resistant to weaning and still weans for his nap, bedtime, one to two times a night and sometimes in the morning. My husband gets up at 5 in the morning and is not much help in the process. Last month I tried asking my husband to sit down and read our son his bedtime story after I gave him his bath, hoping that if I was in another room that after a month or so our son would get into the routine with my husband and not ask for me, instead fall asleep with his daddy. My husband tries, but not as much as was needed, so that idea fell through. Now I'm at the end of my rope, I can take the day time feedings, but the night ones are driving me crazy, I am going to try cutting him off cold turkey today, Wish me luck, it is going to be awfull, he cried on and off for half an hour this morning when he woke up because I told him he couldn't nurse. So I feel your pain, and wish you luck.

[alisonfoster]

Wow..way to give support. Sometimes ignorance is best kept to oneself.

[alisonfoster]

first off, i think that nursing your daughter for 2.5 yrs is way to long! she should have been off by the time she was a year! thats just weird to be nursing a toddler! shes old enough to be drinking from a sippy cup not your chest, get her to drink out of a cup soon!

Wow..way to give support. Sometimes ignorance is best kept to oneself. Good luck to your children.

[alisonfoster]

Kate the Great, I am impressed....with your nursing ability!

[ABCs]

KUDOs for lasting so long! 2 years is really good!

Parenting is tough enough without other people`s nasty comments. I think we should try to support each other`s decisions and move forward instead of being mean.

A lot of moms that co-sleep actually nurse several times a night. It`s perfectly normal however, it must be hard on you, physically and mentally. Do what you can when you can.

It`s great that you are doing a lot of research. Books talk in generalities and are not specific to your child. You know your child best so I encourage you to find the solution that makes you happy. If Mom is happy, everyone is happy!

Have you ever gone to LeLeche League? It`s breastfeeding group that is run by trained and experienced volunteers. You can contact your local group and they can advise you on your situation.

Good Luck!

[autumnj]

Sorry, but that is just creepy that you are still breastfeeding a child who is almost 3.

[lou]

Sorry, but that is just creepy that you are still breastfeeding a child who is almost 3.


if you've no advice or support to give, which is what the OP asked for, then don't respond. that's just rude and ignorant. perhaps if you would have done a bit of research on the topic of breast feeding you'd find it rather common for mothers to make this sacrafice for the benefit of their children.

as for the OP: I'm in the same boat as you. my son jsut turned a year and while I've got him weaned during the day we're still having trouble at night. we do co-sleep to an extent which is part of the problem. he just helps himself. I want to get him asleep in his own bed all night. he's jsut a very determined little boy. he will sleep in his own bed for some time but when he wakes I'm too tired to stay up with him and it's easier to get him to sleep with boobies and in my bed where I can fall asleep too. but now he's getting so big, he tosses around keeping me and my husband awake, when we try to get him back to his own be he screams. I'm hoping for sake of my sanity that when we get moved and his crib is in his own room things will get easier. right now we can't let him CIO (which I'm not a fan of anyway) or any variation of that cause he can look up and see us.

sorry I'm really no help to you, but I can empathize, you're not alone.

[mimileximommy]

omg! kudos for nursing her this long!! but i understand what you going through my daughter didnt nurse for that long because i stoped her cold turkey but i think if i would've let her she would still be bf! In the morning; weaning was great but as soon as the sun went down she wanted to be attached to my breast!
she's only 11months but i started noticing she only sucked for a few mins and would fall asleep but as soon as i took her off she would wake up crying and demanding it. I couldnt have any mommy&daddy time because my bed had become a family bed (not good) so one day i just woke up and just didnt nurse her at all...it wasnt hard because i feel like she was wanting to bf only for comfort! so now when its time for her to sleep i just cuddle w her!
I used sage tea and cabbage leafs to dry my milk and i think it helped so you might wanna give that a try! BEst of luck !

[canonsmom]

My son is 19 months and is still nursing, we also co-sleep and he nurses about every 2 hours at night. He has phases where he sleeps 4 more hours before wanting to nurse but for the most part it is the 2 hour rule. Though I am happy with the extended breastfeeding I really want to find a way to curb this nighttime nursing... Its nice to know I'm not the only one with this nighttime situation going on so long.

[ltille20]

wow, i am really glad i am not the only one! my son still co-sleeps, well, he sleeps in his crib til i go to bed at about 2 or so, then sleeps the rest of the night with me, and he wont go back to sleep til he nurses, and everything i have ever read said they should not nurse at night at this point, so i felt bad about it, but it seems to be more comon than i thought. good luck to you, and let us all know how it goes!!!

[megt03]

Hi! I nursed my son till almost a year and he weaned himself... I am now pregnant again and you are scaring me to death!!! I loved nursing but was fortunate enough to not have to fight when it was time to give it up. I actually just wanted to comment on the many comments about supplementing with a pacifier. If you do not use one now you may not want to begin now, it is also a very hard habit to break. I'm a nurse and worry about all the germs that go along with pacifiers, especially when babe is already walking and playing. Our flu is very bad this season. Also it can cause lots of dental problems. Good job on nursing so long, I actually wanted to nurse a little longer with my first son and was a little disappointed when he weaned so early!!! Good luck!

[kellygreen]

i was in the same exact situation as you, up until about two weeks ago. my daughter is 2 years, 3 months. i've tried the natural and gentle approaches, all to no avail. i have never, and will never, try the crying it out or cold turkey approaches. here's what finally worked for us...

every night before bed we would have a talk. at first it would be about thirty minutes long with my daughter repeating and replying to what i would say. now i just remind her right before bed. i tell her no boo (or whatever your daughter calls it) during the night, only during the day. no boo in bed, only on the couch. no asking for boo at night, only ask during the day. boo at night makes mommy very, very tired and very, very crabby. no boo when it's dark, only when the sun is shining. basically we go through a lot of phrases that make sense to her that she can repeat to me. when she wakes up i tell her i'm so proud of her, she's a big girl, i'm not tired or crabby, i'm happy, etc. then we call daddy at work and she tells him she didn't have boo. then we put stickers on her chart. it was very important to her that she decorated it and helped me make it. usually we have to do about five stickers (one isn't enough for the thrill of it). then when enough of it is filled she gets a "brand new book". basically every 3 days or so i put a big circle around all the stickers and tell her since the circle is filled she gets a "brand new book". (luckily books are one of her favorite things). i tried filling a line first, but it was the reward was too far off and intangible, and the number of stickers always varies. luckily for us this worked so well and so quickly whereas everything else failed miserably, no matter how long we tried it for. at first she would cry and ask to nurse. i would remind her of all our phrases, and the stickers she would earn and the books. i would snuggle with her and she'd settle within a few minutes, which is not how my daughter usually is at all. it's worth a try, anything is when it comes to sleeping.

[kellygreen]

oh... and please don't let the negative and severely uneducated responses on this thread deter you, or anyone else, from doing what comes natural. we in the "civilized and "developed" nations are the only ones who think nursing a toddler and sharing a bed with them is unnatural, weird, or creepy. in other cultures our view would actually be deemed negligent. just use logic and instincts. who is terrified and repulsed by a toddler with a bottle? when do children get their final teeth? why is a one, two or even three year old expected to be independent, self sufficient, and self soothing? follow your child's lead and your own instincts. these will let you gauge the success of your parenting skills, not others.