What is wrong with my baby?

[little me]

I have never used a message board before. I am having an issue with my daughter and thought that maybe someone here can tell me what I am doing wrong. My daughter is 8 months. She was born 1 1/2 months early so I think of her more of a 6 1/2 month old. She has never been a good sleeper and she needs my attention all the time. She wakes up around 6 then I try to get her to nap around 9. She just fights me. Then she finally falls asleep at 12 but it only lasts about 15 minutes. I nurse her to sleep because that is the only way she will fall asleep. Then she is up till 3. At this time she takes another 15 minute nap. Then her next nap is around 4 which is another 15 minutes. Then she goes to bed around 10. She wakes up at 12, 2, 4, and 5 to eat. She wants to be held all day long. I have a carrier but it is getting to the point where I am having a hard time using it because I am 4 months pregnant. This pregnancy was not planed. I also can't get things like laundry or cooking done with the carrier. I need to do laundry today. She is in cloth diapers and they need to be washed and striped. This is an all day job and the washer is in the basement. I am really not looking forward to it because of my daughter. The odd time that she does let me put her down she will not let me out of her sight. My husband wants me to let her cry but if I do then she will not calm down. She will scream for about 3 hours without stopping. She gets a blood rash all over her face and it scares me. This will happen if she is left to scream for 3 minutes. Also my husband get very annoyed when she screams contently. He ether goes into his computer room and puts on his head phones to tune her out, gets upset and starts yelling at her or turning up the music to drown her out. I know he can't help me because she will not go to him anyways. She will only let me hold her. It is very hard on me because I have to be where I can hear her at all times because she is on a monitor that checks her breathing. All this is not new. She was like this the day she was born. Both our family says we are spoiling her and they don't come over because of how stressful it is. My husband agrees that she is just a difficult child until he goes to his moms house. Then he comes home telling me that I spoil her again. I know this is coming from her and not him. My son was never like this so I don't know what to do. It has got to a point that half of the time I miss lunch because of her not letting me move. I really hope you all don't mind trying to help me. Any improvement would help.

[Bec caV]

I doubt you are spoiling her. However she's probably going into a separation anxiety phase.

And some kids just need more attention. But it sounds like she's struggling to gain her independence, rather, she's fighting against it.

Have you tried maybe sitting her in a high chair or something that she can be in line of sight when you do chores? My son can go all day without needing to be in sight of me, but in the evenings, he gets upset if I'm not holding him or in the same room as him. When I need to do that, I pop him in his high chair so he can watch me while I'm cooking dinner. We turn on music or the TV (he especially likes music) and I give him a toy or two to bang on the tray, he's usually good for a little bit.

As for the eating at night, has she started solids yet? She may be indicating that she isn't getting filled up enough. It also could be habit. She may not be waking because she's hungry, she may be waking and not about to be refusing to eat to go back to sleep. It's one of those little tricks babies get into (they trick themselves as well as us into it).
Munchkin had that problem too, he was getting up to nurse every couple of hours.
First thing I did was as soon as the pediatrician said go ahead on solids was to feed him just before bed. Then the first time he woke up, nurse him again. The second time I would not let him nurse, chaos followed. Sleeplessness followed.
I'm still slowly working back (as I caved into him a few times) to making it so when he wakes he doesn't NEED to nurse (still working on the waking up part.) and he started needing less and less night time feedings. He would give me the signal he was full after that first waking so I didn't feel like I was making him starve, I knew he had enough food in him, it was just habit.

Napping is one thing I can't get my son to do. He used to only nap for 15 minutes, now we're up to a half hour to 45 minutes. I'm happy with this. I also had to stop trying to make him nap in his crib. He naps in the living room (in the swing) at least twice a day, at least for a half hour. Yeah I can't be noisy, no cleaning, but at least he gets a nap.
All the 'experts' say they have to nap for an hour and a half to two hours... I don't listen to them. Some kids just don't sleep... I was one of them, drove my mother nuts (she's getting revenge on me with my non sleeper). Recently I read where they are taking a look at revising the previously 'amount of sleep' guidelines thinking that they may have been a little too much. The most important thing is she starts sleeping through the night, then the rest is just to keep her from getting cranky during the day. So if she gets to the point she's not waking at night, she might take longer naps during the day and be less clingly as well.

First and foremost, I say try to straighten out the night time sleeping. It won't be easy, it will take a lot of patience and time, but start now before it gets worse. Biggest mistake I made was letting my son's bad habits go on too long because I was desperate to allow my husband and son to get some sleep (by sacrificing my own). Once she's well rested, the other problems can follow. :)

Hang in there, you're not alone. Some babies need more attention and we as adults have to figure out how to do that and still cook dinner and do the laundry :/

[shannaatkins24]

first of all daddy needs to step up. im a stay at home mom of a 4 and 5 yr old and im 16 weeks pregnant.when you stay with your child constantley and you tend to all their needs its their natural instinct to want the person who cares for them. most men say when they get home they just want to relax and dont want to deal witha screaming baby well let me tell ya what i tell my hubby. his job ends at whatever time he gets off, our job is 24/7 so who needs time off? taking care of your child is not a job its a priveledge and he should want that honor.ignoring the baby and yelling and tuning them out with music is not the way to deal with it and running to his mommys house does not help. my hubby used to do the same thing but i kicked that habit real quick.my mom has 7 kids and she took care of them by herself, if she can do that he can take care of one for a while.when hes not working tell him your going out for some you time to run errands or whatever and he is to watch the baby. get everything ready for him so hes organized and wont feel overwelmed tell him youll be gone for a while and you expect him to take care of things. he will have no choice but to "deal with the crying baby then and if you continue to do this then the baby will soon learn to depend on him as much as you which is the way it should be.especially if your pregnant.if you come home and hes ignoring the baby and their screaming thats not taking care of the child and it makes you scared to leave the baby with him. hes the daddy you shouldnt have to worry about leaving hi skid with him. tell he better start stepping up or he can step out caz the only thing worse than not having a daddy is having one who wont take care of you.it might be hard and he might get mad and leave but if he really cares hell be back if not at least your next child wont have to deal with it. my email is shannaatkins24@yahoo.com if you wanna talk some more caz i got alot to say about situations like this because ive gone through most of them.

[little me]

Bec caV I have tried to give my baby solids and she doesn't eat them. My doctor told me that she thinks she might just not be ready. She has always ate a lot. She has never gone more then 2 hours without eating but she only eats for a short time. I think if I got her to eat longer it might help but that just does not seem to be working. Like everything elts if I want something she will not do it. I have tried putting her in her highchair and staying where she can see me. She will not sit there without screaming. I also tried the swing, play pen, car seat, bouncy chair, exersaucer, two different types of strollers, her bumbo chair and the floor. None of them work. They are all taking up room in my house. I was thinking about getting a jolly jumper but I don't think it will make a difference. My daughter will not nap anywhere except for on me. I also read how much sleep they say a baby needs. It is a lot I think my daughter needs 1 2 hour nap and 1 30 minute nap. She get even more cranky as the day goes on.

[MamaHopkins]

We had this exact same problem when my son was like 4 1/2 months old... so much so that we took him to the doctors to see what the heck we were doing wrong!

The NP looked over him really well, looked us over really well and said... "Do you want to know what's wrong with him? It's really quite simple... he's not getting enough sleep." After I VENTED to her about everything we've tried, everything we're doing, etc.etc.etc, she said... plain and simply... "you need to let him CRY IT OUT! He could have done that months ago... and then gotten into a good sleep pattern."

Now, now... I know not all Mommies agree with the "Ferber" (?sp?) method, but THAT NIGHT, we tried it. And he cried and cried and cried and cried... and I cried and cried and cried and cried until he passed out. X3 nights... and then, on the 4th night, the second we laid him in the crib, @ 7pm (after a dinner at about 5pm, and a 6oz. bottle at about 6:30pm, cozy jammies and LOTS of kisses!) he was out-like-a-light.

I know, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW, how painful it is to hear your child scream and cry (real tears!) but if a few nights of that is what you need to get her "into the groove" and "on a sleep schedule" (because 2 15min naps is NOT going to cut it! She needs the energy to explore and play and eat...) then do it! (Maybe call your doctor and suggest that it's something you're considering and see what they say?)

? Anyone else agree/disagree ? Have you tried this ? Other "methods"/suggestions?

[KayLady]

You really can't spoil a baby with love, and you do these things for her because you love her, right? Try easing her into each thing little by little. Put her in her high chair (screaming or not) for one minute a day for a week, then two minutes a day, you get my point. Let her cry it out at night for one minute, then two minutes, then three, etc. Consistently try to feed her solids at regular meal times every day, even if she doesn't each anything, just don't stop trying. She has to get used to it and see that the solids are not going away. So she's a strong willed child, it will be harder and take more patience from you to teach her things. But you've already shown that you've got more patience, so you're on the right track! As for the rash, how long does it usually take to go away? Is it something that's really harmful to her?

[KayLady]

To answer your question, MamaHopkins, I agree. I have two case studies to back it up.
My 4 year old daughter - We picked her every time she cried (which I still think is okay to a certain age), she wanted to be held all the time. We went to her crib every time she cried during the night, she didn't let learn how to put herself back to sleep and came into our bed every night until we went through sleep bootcamp about a month ago (sleeps just fine now, all night! and it only took 2 nights of screaming and yelling - if you think a 6.5 month old can be stubborn, you should see a 4 year old).
My 19 month old son - We still picked him up, just not so much once he could crawl. He still likes to cuddle occasionally, but otherwise, hardly ever wants to be picked up. We stopped going to his crib when he cried at night when he was 3 months old. After ONE night, he was sleeping through the night. First from 7:30 pm to 6:30 am; now he'll sleep from 7:30 pm to 8:00 am, if we let him. He has since then only occasionally woken up in the middle of the night and whimpered, but if I listen for a minute or two, he'll go back to sleep. If I know he is already sick, I will go check on him when he wakes up, but it never throw his sleep schedule off.
Our household is so much more peaceful now that we are all getting a good night's sleep. My daughter even gets in less trouble because she is sleeping better than when she was with us. Yes, it does hurt and is REALLY hard to let them cry it out, but you have to remember that you are doing what is best for them in the long run.

[Bec caV]

As for the solids... I second just trying to give her some every day. I know with preemies often they are a bit behind even their adjusted age, especially if they spent a lot of time on ventilators and such. She may not be emotionally ready for them, but it doesn't hurt to keep trying. When I started my son on solids, we started with rice cereal of course. He yelled at me for three days for trying to give it to him. One evening I had him sitting in his swing and I got a bowl of my cereal from the kitchen, sat down in front of him and started eating. He watched me. Then when I was done I put him in his high chair and tried to feed him. He was a bit more receptive than before, but still not totally into it... until I let him grab the spoon and helped him guide it to his mouth. That was all it took and he was eating solids :p The moral of that story is, try different strategies to see if she will get the idea of solids. That way worked for my son and he hasn't given me a problem since.
Also try giving her something that is (naturally) sweet. When we tried the first veggie after two weeks of rice cereal (which is really sweet) it was carrots, that didn't go over well, he started eating them if I mixed it in with the cereal. However he would throw it up later on. So I killed the carrots and went with sweet potatoes because they are more starchy, like the cereal, which he didn't throw up.

Her mood will get better if she gets more sleep. I don't agree with CIO, there are less stressful ways out there too, but no matter what you do it will take time and sleepless nights to get her sleeping well. Sleep isn't fixed in a day or even in under a week. I've gone over a month with no sleep, trying everything I knew and looking for some different tips since the old ways aren't working. However, as KayLady mentioned, we do have to refrain from running in their room at the every cry. Babies will cry even up to 30 seconds (sometimes more) in their sleep without actually waking up. They're just talking in their sleep not actually crying. I am so guilty of running in there at the slightest whimper.
So to combat that, I count to 10 before getting up, I try to not to run down the hall, and I will pause just before opening the door. If by that time he's still crying, he's awake.

[little me]

The blood rash is not really a rash it is the blood vessels showing threw her skin in a rash like form. I heard about kids that the blood vessels burst from this.

[NoAdditives]

First of all, I want to say that you're not doing anything wrong. You're a devoted mother who is doing everything to love and care for her child. I know that needy babies can be a lot of work and I'm sure you're doing a great job.

I used to have the same problems with my daughter who is also 8 months old. I can tell you that it does get better! Once she becomes able to move around on her own her curiosity will take over. Until then, have you tried putting her in a swing, papasan type chair or high chair while you're in the kitchen? This was the only way I could get anything done when my daughter was little. She would fuss sometimes but being able to see and hear me while being close helped. After a while she learned that she was ok even if I wasn't holding her every second. She still loves to be close be now she can eat in her high chair while I'm in the other room (she's on table foods) and she'll even go play in her room by herself when she gets bored.

The sleeping issues can be harder to deal with. My daughter and I slept in the same bed for the first few months and I'm confident that made her a great sleeper. We still take naps together sometimes. If it's possible to try to take a nap with her during the day that might be a good way to start a sleep schedule. Also, an earlier bedtime is a good idea. I start Audrey's bedtime routine at about 7:30. She gets a bottle and then a bath (where I brush her teeth). And then we turn off the lights, turn on the music on her mobile, say good night to the fishies and then I give her a little bit of water in a bottle and a pacifier until she falls asleep.

It would be a good idea to wean her off the night time feedings gradually. Start by reducing the amount she eats at each feeding and slowly take out each feeding. Anytime you can give her a pacifier instead of a bottle at night is best. Without those feedings at night she should start to eat more during the day.

I would try to get her to eat solid foods as well. If she really has no interest in spoon feeding you can try giving her cheerios, soft fruits or vegetables, or some of the Gerber puffs or yogurt melts. Audrey stopped eating purees at about 6 months because she's always wanted to do everything herself. She hated me feeding her and would never eat very much. Now that she feeds herself she loves it and eats a ton. Whatever you decide to do, be persistent. Your daughter is going to have to start the transition to solids soon.

[littlemonkeyfoot]

Little Me, I went through something very similar with my daughter. She wouldnt sleep unless I was sitting down with my breast in her mouth. Period. And if the breast slipped out when she nodded off she would wake up screaming. this was a constant for a long long time. At 7 months of age a friend gave me a sleep program. I scoffed at it since I had tried a number of friends suggestions and ideas without luck. I was so overwhelmed at that point that I decided to just give it a go and since I knew it wouldnt work Id be able to tell her "Thanks, I really tried it but It didnt work" So we tried it. It was hard and took a while and she had to cry (which I hated) but it worked!!! My daughter is now almost 15 months old and naptime is 3-4 hours after she gets up. We go in her room and she gets a book and a nursie and a paci and lays down in her crib (awake) and falls asleep. I then have 2 hours for housework, or reading or whatever needs to be done. At night its the same thing. MOST nights she sleeps through the night from about 8 to 6 or 7. Some morings till 9. If you (or anyone else) is interested in the sleep program I'll send it to you. Just message me to give me your regular email address and Ill send it there (Its a pdf. file) Its not easy!! But in the long run its worth it! There is nothing like a rested, happy child and a rested happy mommy :)

[aglionz]

I didn't read everyone else's responses, but let me tell you this...she's a preemie with breathing problems...you CAN NOT let her cry it out! My son, too, is a preemie and he's 2 1/2 yrs old now. He was 4 months early and since he was born he's required being held more (by me), and more attention than any other baby I'd ever been around. Preemies are more susceptible to sensory issues and delays such as hyperactivity and anxieties like separation anxiety.

Examples:
My son still takes a bottle (only an ounce or two) at nap and bedtime.
We cannot take him to a barber to get his hair cut without 3 people to hold him down because he has an anxiety attack.
It has taken 2 years and a very patient pediatrician to get him on a weight scale.
If you give him a snack in a certain bowl the first time he tries it any subsequent time he has that snack it has to be in the same bowl!!!

Lastly, if we try to force him to vary from his way of doing things he will cry for hours (literally) until he cries so much he throws up and then we have the task of cleaning it all up and starting again.

The neonatologist that we saw recommended that we just give in to him until he's old enough to explain why he needs to consider an alternative to his thinking. So, that's what we do. Unless he's hurting himself or someone else he's allowed to do things his way and in his time frame. Unfortunately, this will not allow you to get much more done than you're already doing, but that's one of the sacrifices with a premature infant.

[angiem8705]

A lot of people have mentioned CIO or food to get her to sleep, but have you tried the simpler more basic steps like swaddling, fan, music, etc? i know my DD often tries to skip her naps and depending on her mood sometimes i let her but if she's cranky the only thing that will get her to drift off is a good snuggle or a snug swaddle. i swaddle her, put her in her crib and she'll be out cold. Also this lets nap time go longer.

I agree with what some of the PP said about the night feedings being habit not need. If she is growing at a steady pace you should be able to cut out her night feedings. It'll be an adjustment but once she is sleeping at night she will hopefully be happier during the day. No one likes to be tired all day.