View Full Version : Never?
06-23-2009, 01:06 PM
I find it interesting that no one has posted here. Especially since most people are coming here for help and support. PD was something my mom had with all 4 kids so it was something that was talked openly about. I don't know what it is like for everyone else though. What advice would you give to someone with PPD?
I would say surround yourself with people and things you love. It may not help that much but it was our experience that the depression didn't last as long.
06-29-2009, 12:57 PM
Whenever I saw it wasn't posted in, I kinda shrugged it off. But I noticed on the viewing thing, there was usually always one person in here. They may be a little scared to post, or scared their feelings won't be respected or something... :[
I'd say, if you have PD, get outta the house by yourself a couple times. Go get your nails/hair done. See your girlfriends, buy a new blouse/pants/pair of shoes. And spend a lot of time with family. Going to family outings, you almost always get a break. Everyone wants to grab the baby and run. And I think some PD focuses around the intense reality of having a child, and all the overwhelming emotions surrounding it.
06-30-2009, 05:21 PM
I've never known anyone who has PD or who has openly talked about the fact that they may have it.
Maybe, because they feel they will be criticized or ridiculed for having it. You know, the whole "how can you feel that way? a baby is a joyous thing..". Which I completely understand how that could make them feel even more bad.
Being a parent is very overwhelming and joyous. It's like, when you're happy, you're happy. And when you're not, you're not.
I can see how many women would have it, I don't think anyone who feels that way should keep it to themselves. It's hard. It's difficult. It's aggravating and you may even feel guilty.
I can understand it though.
Even if you have it, and don't want to write about it or what you are going through here..... I remember reading this from the website postsecret.com? My heart went out to the lady who sent in the secret.
Thank you again for letting us know about this website. Saphira.
This man responded to the lady who sent in her secret:
I noticed a woman had written a postcard on your site today about post partum depression. I wanted to extend to her and any other woman suffering our resource 1-800-PPD-MOMS.
There she can find comfort in the referral to a mom in her area who has also suffered from the effects of PPD/PPP; received the help she needed; and then gone on to get peer counselor training to offer help and hope to other moms who may be suffering in silence.
My heart goes out to her and as you know Kristin [my wife] died by suicide as a result of poorly treated post partum depression which turned into post partum psychosis. I started the Kristin Brooks Hope Center [1-800-SUICIDE] to help moms, and others, suffering as Kristin did.
07-07-2009, 04:13 PM
I've never known anyone who has PD or who has openly talked about the fact that they may have it.
I can almost guarantee you that you have known someone who suffered from PPD. I can also attest to the fact that you don't think you know because the mom put on a fake happy face and pretended that all was good because, as new moms, society expects us to be happy, and as women - well, we fall for that crap. You're going to find precious few women that will come right out and talk about it while they're going through it, and you are correct in your reasons for thinking that.
I went through a vicious case of this after my first baby. When my son was 18 months old or so, I picked up Brooke Shields' Down Came the Rain : My Journey Through Postpartum Depression. I highly recommend it, but it's not easy to read. I can't imagine how hard it was to commit that to paper. I can't imagine how much harder it was to know that people read it.
I've been hoping that this sub-forum stuck around until baby #2. From what I understand, if you go through it with one kid, you're more suceptible after subsequent pregnancies. I figured that, this time, I know what the symptoms are, I know I'm suceptible to it again, and I know that there's an outlet here to get it all out and to work through it. Viva la internet and it's sense of anonymousity.
PPD is an extremely hard thing to talk about. Imagine hearing from another woman - a friend or relative no less - that they don't really feel like they love their child, or that they feel like their lives are worthless or spiraling out of control after a baby's birth.
Very, very few people respond to that with the message "You might have PPD - see your doctor immediately". Instead, most would look in horror, and relate how happy they were after their own childbirth experience, and say that it must just be a case of "baby blues". That's usually what's said before the obligatory "You'll get over it in time. You're just tired."
It took me nearly two years and a lot of introspection to "get over it". I won't even discuss the thoughts in my head during that time because frankly I'm too much of a coward to just throw those out on an internet forum - they're still very, very shameful to me. They're nothing that I want to just volunteer info on out on the internet just yet - misplaced sense of anonymousness or not. I don't do "unsolicited outpouring of experience" when it comes to something that horribly personal. Solicited - well, that's another story. I'll think about it. It's not easy to admit that kind of stuff.
07-09-2009, 07:37 PM
Get help, get help, get help! So many women are afraid to admit that they need help until it is too late and something worse than those feelings exist. There is absolutely no shame in getting help for this disorder and sometimes medication is necessary!
My cousin wasn't diagnosed with PPD until it had progressed into post-partum psychosis at which point she was put under 24-hour suicide watch and not even allowed to hold her own baby.
My friend was diagnosed and given a prescription and she chose not to take it because of the cost of the prescription. She spent 6 months in a mental health facility because she suffered a nervous breakdown and almost killed her husband and baby.
Other family members have been diagnosed and properly treated. I am now expecting my 3rd and haven't experienced any of these things myself, but I am fully aware of the possibilities and the frequency that these things occur. Even if you don't want to tell anyone else at least tell your doctor. and Please please get help!
07-10-2009, 02:47 AM
[QUOTE=giraffes_buddy;56350]I can almost guarantee you that you have known someone who suffered from PPD. I can also attest to the fact that you don't think you know because the mom put on a fake happy face and pretended that all was good because, as new moms, society expects us to be happy, and as women - well, we fall for that crap. You're going to find precious few women that will come right out and talk about it while they're going through it, and you are correct in your reasons for thinking that.
I went through a vicious case of this after my first baby. When my son was 18 months old or so, I picked up Brooke Shields' Down Came the Rain : My Journey Through Postpartum Depression. I highly recommend it, but it's not easy to read. I can't imagine how hard it was to commit that to paper. I can't imagine how much harder it was to know that people read it.QUOTE]
You're right, I probably do know somebody who has it, but like I said, I've never heard anyone openly talk about it. And I must say, I really don't know exactly what PPD is but I will read that book because I do want to know more about PPD.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. My heart goes out to you.
I don't want to be one of those people who say, "oh, you're just tired. You'll get over it." I want to know exactly what I should say if someone came to me and opened up. I want to say what they need to hear.
If you don't mind me asking, what do you wish someone would have asked you or told you? What advice do you wish was given to you?
What should I look out for?
I have friends who have children and as a friend, I would want to help them in anyway possible.
07-11-2009, 08:43 PM
If you don't mind me asking, what do you wish someone would have asked you or told you? What advice do you wish was given to you?
What should I look out for?
Wow, bvas! Those are some good questions - some of which I've never really thought about before now. I'll wing it, so if I don't make sense, just pin me down, and I'll see if I can better explain what I mean. Sometimes, it's hard to make sense of all of that mess myself.
Before I go too much farther, I guess I should say that I didn't recognize that I was depressed in the beginning (who does?). Like many new moms going through PPD, I tacked it up to just being tired even though I knew that it was more than tired, and even though I was down, I knew that the politically correct way of answering "How are you feeling?" is NOT to say "I hate my baby." It's way too easy to lie and say everything is fine, especially when you already feel horrible and don't want to cause further grief to yourself by telling the truth. (It's a vicious cycle, really.)
One of my biggest problems and an aggravating factor in PPD was that I lost trust in my obstetrician right after my son's birth. It's a long story that involves mulitple insurance policies, bad nursing care, and (IMO) a couple bad treatment calls in hindsight. By the time I got to my 6 week post-natal checkup, I had no faith in his interest in treating me. When he asked how I was feeling, I gave him a so-so answer, and he glossed over it, so I figured that, if he didn't give a crap, who would?
People that knew me well asked if I was okay, but nobody pursued it past my generic, "Yeah, sure." Even my closest friends gave me the "Ah, you're just tired. It'll get better" routine. Even when it didn't get better, even when it got worse, they still stuck to that idea, and nobody called me on my behavior.
To go back to your questions, I think the question I'll start with is what to look for because that would kind of drive further questions and advice.
I don't think there's any specific list of things that everyone going through PPD would show. The best thing I can tell you is that, at least for good friends, you usually can tell if something's not quite right even if you can't put your finger on it.
In hindsight, I wish someone -anyone- who knew me well enough would have been more persistant in asking if I was okay. PPD invokes some highly shameful thoughts and feelings, and it's really hard to come right out and bare one's soul about such horrible feelings. Even something as small as adding an "are you sure?" after a bland response might have been enough to make me realize that someone cared about me enough for me to be honest with them.
For me, I lost all sense of humor. I never smiled - and that was odd for me. For two years, an honest smile was a rare thing from me. This isn't to say that nobody notice - people commented to me about it, but they always followed it up with the "tired" crap. Instead of telling me that I was tired (duh), I wish someone would have just asked me why I quit smiling. That question alone would have knocked me off base enough that I couldn't have concocted a "cover story".
Persistence would have gone far with me. It would have been a miracle for me if people around me would have asked to listen to me - and then listen in a non-judgemental way- instead of volunteering their diagnosis without so much as an examination.
In my case, it would have done me SO much good if a friend had told me to go see my general practitioner. Like I said, I had lost all faith in my OB, but my GP has his act together. But even after I figured out that I might be suffering from PPD, it never occurred to me to see him (in my head, PPD is a post-partum condition - and therefore, one that is treated by an OB). I believe that a lot of my misery could have been nipped in the bud if I had just made an appointment with my GP.
I guess it boils down to this: you know your friends, so when you know something is wrong, ask until you get an answer. If you can't get an answer but you still know something's not right, do NOT say that everything will be okay and that she's just tired/adjusting/bored.
I'd suggest leaving it open with something like, "I know it's not easy having a new baby. Everything in your life changes down to how you think about yourself. I'm here for you if you ever want to just bounce anything off of me." It's not judgemental, it's not diagnostic, it's caring, and it's open. ...and if things are still going downhill, be persistant in offering your ear. And if/when your friend finally opens up, just listen. Let her know that you're concerned for her wellness, and advise her to see a doctor.
OMG -that was rambling! Sorry 'bout that - it's kind of hard to compact. I hope it made sense though.
07-12-2009, 05:26 PM
Ramble on! Ramble on! Sometimes, when people get going on a subject, it may seem like rambling, but paying close attention is the only way that will help me and maybe others to understand better. It helps see where you are coming from. And it is! I'm sure it may be hard for you to write about it. The exact thoughts and feelings you were going through, but for everything that you have already written, I very much appreciate it. I want to be able to see a little more clearly beyond "oh, i'm fine.". I know that I ask way too many questions, but sometimes... it just comes flying out. But, personally, I feel it is better to ask too many questions than none at all. Not knowing, being aware or well informed doesn't sit quite well with me.
I also feel that people "gloss" over the simple answers because PPD is a hard thing to accept. As much as the person doesn't want to suffer going through PPD, I think being on the other end listening to the very thoughts of the PPD makes it hard to really listen. With that said, even though it's hard to hear those words, I'd rather hear them and help, then gloss over them and heaven forbid something horrible happen. Not that you would, or anyone else with it would do something harmful, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming some of the thoughts are "unspeakable" thoughts.
Like I said, I want to be able to know when I probably SHOULD ask "Is everything ok?" and if they say. "UUUHH, Yeah, everything is fine." and look straight down.. that's an obvious sign to up and ask "Are you sure you are fine?" wait.. listen... they answer and if you still have that gut feeling that something is very much NOT FINE... respond with "I know you are saying you are fine, but I feel like something is hovering over you, and you don't want to talk about it. You're my sister/friend/cousin/aunt/daughter/mother and I very much care about you and if you EVER need to talk to someone, I'll be there to listen. Even if you think I may not understand.... don't hesitate to let me in."
Is that, somewhere in the general direction that we should be looking out for and asking?
Thanks again, for informing me.. and if there's anything else.. that you forgot... RAMBLE ON!!! RAMBLE ON!!!
07-14-2009, 10:51 PM
I think i had PD due to weight that i gain during pregnancy and it was not comming off as i wanted. I felt like i wasn't beautiful at all. On top of that my baby when crying from colic made me angry. I never had bad thoughts but i always been looking at other moms and comparing their body with mine and my selfestem went down on the road.
After couple weeks of dieting and loosing weight i felt better about myself and my body.
07-25-2009, 09:38 PM
ok so im 18 years old and i have a 3 month old babygirl... how do u know if you have ppd??? my friend told me she had it but she had it to a point she wanted to kill herself so idk but i wanna know what the symptoms are because no one has explained to me what it could be.....
07-26-2009, 10:20 PM
this gives a fairly good list of symptoms and they also have a check-list if you are worried about yourself.
07-28-2009, 04:20 PM
I suffered in silence for 18 months after Baby #1. Not that things were perpetually miserable, but I remember crying jags, days when I just couldn't get off the couch - and it wouldn't be just "tired," - and bad thoughts. So shameful to even articulate... I would imagine opening the car door and falling out on the highway. I would even have bad thoughts about my precious baby, which I am still too ashamed of to think of much. God this is so hard to write. Even when things would go well, I would beat myself up for not doing better; the house was never clean enough (for me), the 1st birthday party wasn't PERFECT and I always imagined everyone was judging me.
My DH finally got worried enough to call my OB and got a referral for a GP and made me an appointment. For some reason, I was able to open up to her, and she listened to me describe the hopeless feelings with tears in HER eyes... she couldn't believe I'd dealt so long. I got a prescription the same day. I stayed on the meds into my 2nd pregnancy, then just started to feel like I didn't need them and went off.
Since then I've just known that I have to surround myself with support and friends especially in those turbelent 1st weeks. I scheduled days after Baby #3 for friends to come over, visit for a while, take my other 2 for a few hours... I've come a long way, just to know those sad, hopeless feelings are what they are, and will pass. Getting outside every day helped me tremendously, even just to walk around the block or to the grocery store. I'd call a friend, just make sure I had contact with adults in some way or another every day.
Incidentally, I'd go through another mini-depression after weaning from breastfeeding... something to do with not feeling needed anymore... ;) Just helps to know I'm not alone with this and Motherhood is not all those glorious warm fuzzies that people unrealistically expect...
So those thoughts I have that I am so ashamed of on days when I cry and cry and am so tired are PPD??? Who knew?!
One of my favorite remedies for days when I am depressed really is surrounding myself with family. This especially helps because seeing the joy on my DD's grandparents' faces (or even strangers sometimes) when they spend time with her gives me so much joy and truly helps me appreciate my beautiful daughter more.
08-01-2009, 06:53 PM
I had ppd for about 12 months after my son was born, but nobody except my husband knew. I didn't have health insurance, so seeing a doctor wasn't really an option for me. Everybody made such a deal about how wonderful being a mother is, and all I could think was how miserable I was and how much I wanted to just give my baby away to someone else. I didn't take care of the house or myself, I would cry for hours and have panic attacks when I was home by myself with my baby and my husband was at work. I didn't want to tell anyone how I felt because I felt like none of them would understand. "Isn't being a new mom the best thing ever?" That's the first thing people would say when they saw me. What am I supposed to say? "No, actually, I hate being a mom. I hate being around my baby and I wish someone would take him away from me." Right.
One of my biggest issues was that my family wasn't very helpful in watching the baby so I could get and do things I enjoyed again. My husband works a lot and I felt like I was on my own.
My suggestions for ppd: Just like everyone else said, get out and away from baby for several hours a few days a week. Save money to hire a babysitter, or have a family member watch him/her. Do things that you enjoyed before you had your baby. Find someone else who had ppd and talk to them about it. Anyone who's had it will completely understand.
I wish ppd wasn't such a hush hush thing. It saddens me to think that so many women are suffering silently out there, with no one to turn to. Hopefully people will become more understanding of it.
08-12-2009, 01:36 PM
For me it was something we grew up being surrounded by so I guess I'm lucky for having that point of veiw. Ppd is a very real thing. And it affects a lot of women. Women who have it and get help should be respected, not critized. Not every woman who has it, acts on it and that's where I think the real battle is won. One of the best things you can do as a mommy is to make time to make you happy. Surround yourself with things you love. Bring back old hobbies that mad you feel accomplished. Listen to good uplifting and wholesome music. Confide in someone you trust. Get sleep! I got to the point where I told my husband that I felt like I was loosing my mind and that he needed to step up and get our son at night one night. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Look up relaxation techniques online. Or be productive. Personally I have to clean and that destresses me. AND DON'T BE ASHAMED! You did not fail, everyone needs help in one way.
09-10-2009, 02:21 PM
I have blogged a lot about my experience with PPD. I feel that it's not anything to be embarassed about and blogging about it has been something that has helped me to overcome.
I'm still a work in progress, but, I've really improved with medication and support from my friends, family, and the blog. If you're interested in reading about it you can find my blog at: www.truckstiarastutus.blogspot.com
I hope this helps anyone struggling to know that they are not alone in the battle to overcome depression.
I have PPD that has gotten much worse lately. My daughter is 5 months old and does not sleep. When I say that to people they always respond with, "oh my baby didn't sleep the first 6 months either". When I say she doesn't sleep, I mean if she gets 8 hours of sleep in 24 hours we are having a good day. And those are not in any way continuous. That is cobbled together. Naps are 2 twenty minute breaks if lucky. I get up to calm her down 8-15 times a night. Most of that is normally after midnight. She has abdominal pains to the point of not being able to stay asleep. We have taken her to specialist after specialist and nobody can fix her. When we think we have it figured out, the doctors want to "wait it out". I don't want to do bad things to her but I think of all the things that can happen to her that I can't control. When I sleep long enough to dream, I dream of her crying because she can't sleep. Does anyone know how hard it is to watch your baby writhing in pain and not be able to do a damn thing about it? I get so exhausted that I don't even want to look at her. What breaks my heart even more is that fact that after that, she won't look at me either. I want to enjoy her being a baby, because after what we have been through, I will not have another, but I can't because I can't function anymore. It is very hard to listen to doctors tell me to give it more time, she's just sensitive. It seems like nobody listens to how serious this is. Since she is gaining weight, they seem to think that is all that matters. Now I worry about her development being affected with the lack of sleep. I feel like I'm headed to mania. There is so much that I'm feeling but I can't put anymore on here. I have a beautiful daughter that I can't even enjoy and it's killing my relationship with her dad. He made a comment last night about how this has effected me so badly that I am not even recognisable as myself anymore. And it's true.
10-27-2009, 09:24 PM
Naia, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your child's health as well as your own PPD. I am dealing with PPD as well, and I also have a 5-month-old daughter. If you need anyone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.
Are you taking any medication to help you? Is there anyone who can give you a break so you can get more sleep?
10-27-2009, 10:33 PM
naia, i'm so sorry. is there anyone to take your baby for a few hours to allow you to get a much needed rest? sleep is so important to being present for our babies.
speak to your doctor and find out if there is anything they can do for you as far as your PPD. Medication has been a huge help to me. However, if you're not feeling better on one med, ask if there is a possibility to change your dose or try a different med.
You can make it!! Baby steps.
10-28-2009, 04:00 PM
I don't currently have PPD but am pregnant with my first child and have a history of depression so I am trying to prepare myself for what is to come after the baby is born. I don't think it is possible to prepare for it but more so acknowledging that it could happen. My sister suffered for the first 5/6 months after my nephew and no one ever knew. She could apparently barely talk to her husband and looking back on it, we barely heard from her during that time too. I talk to her about it now and try and get an idea of what to expect. What makes me angry is that there are so many people that still think it's hormones. It's not our hormones it's how we truely feel!
To those that are suffereing right now, I truely feel for you and hope you get the much needed rest. Please do not feel like you are burdening someone by asking them for help. Our family and friends are there to help us and be our support system, we need to let them try and help us.
10-29-2009, 01:06 AM
Naia, does she get formula or is she breastfed? Do the drs know anything?
11-04-2009, 03:02 PM
I know exactly what you are talking about. I too suffered from PPD in silence for the first several months of my daughter's life. I suffered in silence b/c it is not socially acceptable to talk about PPD in public. But I do hope you have gotten the help you need since you posted here. It was not until my daughter was 3yrs old that I felt ok coming clean about my PPD to my mom...and guess what?. she said she suspected I had PPD all along..
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