View Full Version : How much harder is baby 2
04-15-2008, 10:53 AM
I've got the yearning for another baby, although we are going to wait at least another 18 months before we decide if it is what we really want to do. How much harder is it to add another baby to the family? We are probably 50/50 on wanting another one, and just keeping it the way it is now. Any 'only children' out there that have an opinion? I have a twin sister and two brothers, and my husband has an older brother. I don't know that I want to deny my daughter a sibling which might be a lot of this yearning. That and I am sure I can do better the second time around. ;) It is a really big adjustment again? I had a pretty hard time adjusting the first 3 weeks or so after my daughter's birth. I wouldn't say post partum depression, but very close. My husband is not ready to have a newborn again, but he might be in a couple years. We have no trouble getting pregnant, but carrying a baby to term is extremely difficult for me (will be another 6mo of bed rest) so it will have to be planned for. Would love to hear from other moms/dads about adding that second bundle of joy!!
04-15-2008, 11:36 AM
I have 2 that are exactly 18 months apart. It is definatly an adjustment but you make it work. I am finally to the point where I feel I have it down. I know schedules, how to handle tantrums, and feel I can really take my kids anywhere and have them behave, they are 3 in June and 2 in December. Althought pregnancy was hard on my body as well I was not on bed rest. I couldn't even imagine that. Both my kids were unplanned but I wouldn't change a thing, I love every moment I have with them. I am kind of in the same boat with #3 I am not sure how I feel about having to actually plan for one, the moment I go off birth control I know I will get pregnant. The idea of planning for me is weird. The second one for me was just as fun as the first, you think that maybe you have seen it all, and surprisingly you haven't, new concerns and questions, but at least you have the basic stuff down. Hope this helps. How old is your first?
04-15-2008, 11:51 AM
That helps a lot! I love how excited you sound about both of the unplanned babies, but so reserved about actually planning for another one. That's so funny!
Our daughter is 18mo and starting the wonderful age of defiance. :) Wouldn't change it for the world. I want them to be about 3-4 years apart, but we'll see.
I've heard from most parents that babies are usually really different from one another, and that gives me the most reservation since I rarely feel as though I know my daughter as it is! Scares me to think of handling 2!! Makes me think that no matter how much I've learned with my daughter it will all be for naught come baby 2 and I'll be just as hopeless. :)
04-15-2008, 12:40 PM
There have definatly been times that I have felt hopeless, but I even had those with baby #1. Babies are different then toddlers, I feel they are actually easier, they sleep lots and just need smiles to occupy there time. While I was constanly telling my toddler not to touch that, don't eat that, don't yell, say thank you. You have the time to learn new tricks and different ways of doing things from the time you find out you are pregnant to the time you baby us still a newborn. You learn as you go and to think you will have a nice little helper to help you pick up things if you drop them while you are pregnant, sing songs to your belly, grab you a diaper when you left it on the couch, and an extra eye when the baby starts to move to tell you "Mommy baby is playing with the tapes!" All in all I love having 2 kids.
04-15-2008, 02:57 PM
First of all, I LOVE my two boys. Second of all, the 2nd one is a LOT harder. But not in a bad way at all. My son was 27 months when #2 came along. Of course, in MY memory, #1 was a perfect baby/toddler. :) I'm sure that's not totally true. But I think the first one is "easier" b/c you have all your time for 1 child; it's not split. You feel guilty about the divided attention, or that you're not doing stuff with the second you did with the first at that age/milestone. Oh, and my personal biggest guilt-trip is not as many pictures as the first. But, in my defense, both of their baby books are current and full. :)
Good things? Too many to count!! I LOVE that my boys play together and are friends! Nothing makes me feel more content and proud than to watch them laugh and play together. My 2nd loves to run through the list of "best friends" right now, and right behind mommy and daddy is his brother. And his personality is so different than my oldest. It is so refreshing and fun to try to figure him out, or compare how different the two of them are. I am excited to have my 3rd in August. I'm sure he'll really round out the crew.
So, even though my second has been harder on me patience-wise, I would never stop at just one child. If you thought maybe you didn't want two, you wouldn't be asking this question. ;) It's worth it!
04-16-2008, 09:26 AM
My husband is about 12 years older than his sister, so he basically grew up as an only child. He always tells me how much he hated not having somebody always there to play with and how much he wished he had had a sibling when he was young. I grew up as a middle child, my sister is 3 years older than me and my brother is 18 months younger than me and most of the time I loved having them around. We moved around a lot and it was really nice to have friends anywhere your family goes. My husband and I agreed from the very beginning that we would not have an only child. Right now we have a 9 month old and we're planning on having one more, we're just not too sure how long we should wait before trying to get pregnant again. So I can't give you too much insight on having a second child, but based on mine and my husband's childhood experiences, I would definitely recommend having a second baby!
04-16-2008, 03:28 PM
I have to admit that baby number two isn't all that difficult. What I find difficult is trying to entertain my oldest. My children are 20 months apart, so while my oldest does have advanced speech, he doesn't quite understand why I can't have him climbing on me while I am nursing, or why I can't play trucks on the baby's head, or why the baby isn't a pony. I love my boys and what is reassuring about the two of them growing up together is how they do entertain one another. The youngest is 9 1/2 months and only recently they have begun to make one another laugh. The looks they give each other are priceless! Running errands can be difficult too. Grocery shopping with two children who need to be buckled in is tricky. I usually have to do it when my husband is home or find someone to watch at least one of them. If you utilize a sling/carrier and can handle the back strain, then it may be easier. When my oldest gets hurt while i'm tending to the little one, dropping everything and running over is straining...do I put the baby down in the driveway or run with him, giving him whiplash as I do, in order to make it to my oldest who just fell off his tricycle and is screaming? Making sure the baby isn't fed what my oldest is trying to share with him..."Mommy, I share my grapes with him!" But all the craziness is worth it. Having a second child has not taken much of a financial toll...we have two boys, so things get passed down. My two pregnancies were very different...different body parts hurt, different cravings. With my second, I was very emotional after delivering...crying for no reason and finding myself in the corner of the bathroom because I was so out of whack. My first pregnancy and post-pregnancy went smoothly, without any sort of postpartum emotional craziness. I am still nursing my second because I am no longer working. Daycare for two children is astronomical. I stopped nursing my first after 6 months because I had to return to work. I find that I am less of a control freak with the second. I'm not as concerned about a feeding schedule or sleep schedule. He is also a very different child. Every only-child that I know always wished to have a brother or sister. There have been days where I have thought "we'd have more time for him" if we didn't have a second child. But, after getting through the first two years of the second child, both children will be able to play with, teach and learn from one another in a very special way.
04-17-2008, 03:09 PM
I grew up as an only child for 11 years, and then was "blessed" with a little sister that I had NOTHING in common with throughout all of my living at home years... becuse of this i am a mother of two, which are 16 mos apart, and I LOVE it....My daughter is a wonderful big sis at age 23 mos!! She is helpful (sometimes too helpful...lol) My husband and I KNOW we want another one in like 1 yr or so...God willing of course. I gre up soo loneley, watching the brady bunch and styep by step, wishing i had a full house(yeahn i watched that too..lol) to bother and play with...and since my parents didnt do it for me...I'll do it for myself =) ......
As far as the transition from one to two went...i was VERY lucky...they are both in diapers and really it wasnt that bad at all...i was already not getting any sleep ya know...i wonder if it is harder the longer you wait, beacause you get out of the diapers, you hav the sleep routine, etc. and then you start ALL OVER AGIN..that would be harder I would think...but idk...thats just my experience and opinion...We have BLAST!! =)
04-17-2008, 09:56 PM
Thanks ladies!! Wonderful insight, and I think after reading all this I already knew I wanted my daughter to have a brother or sister. It just seems like such an impossible thing to handle when I'm in the midst of the day with my 18mo old. I picked her up from daycare this afternoon and watched her holding hands, running around the playground with another little girl. After that they ran over to the teeter totter together, laughing the whole way. They were born a day apart which made me think of how close my twin sister and I were/still are. I just don't think I can deny her that if I have a choice.
You ladies are awesome on here. :)
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