Frustrating 7 1/2 year old behavior

[flamomof3]

Here's one for you.....I have 3 kids, alomst 9 year old daughter, 7 1/2 yr. old son and an almost 4 yr old son. My daughter is your typical girl...super sweet 90% of the time, but 10% freshness (expected). The little one thinks he is the same age as his big brother, so he has begun to get a mouth on him. The "problem", if you would call it that, is with my 7 1/2 year old. He is absolutely the son you would would love to take home any day. As a matter of fact, when he was in preschool I had friends asking if they could take him home for a playdate because he was so good. At school he is a teacher's dream. He gets straight A's, never gets in trouble, is super nice to all of the kids, wouldn't hurt a fly, and best of all, he won the "Citizenship Award" at school this year. My problem is when he is with the family. All he does is antagonize his siblings, shut us out when we try to talk to him. He is VERY stubborn. He thinks he is always right. Doesn't like to be told what to do. We will tell him to go sit down for dinner, but we end up telling him about 10 times before he actually does it. Bedtime is the worst. He and his brother share a room, so of course they go to bed at the same time. It usually takes us at least 1/2 hour to an hour to get everyone to bed because they are calling us, fighting with one another, or just plain talking. I am at my wits end with him. When he is alone with either my husband or me or all 3 of us together he is an angel. Once the others are in the picture he acts out. I know he is the middle child and he needs a little more attention but how much more can I give him. I try to praise him, but in the end there is always a fight. I don't know what to do!!! HELP!!!

[flocay]

Hi!

One thing really struck me in what you said is the telling your son TEN times to sit down... Who is in charge here? I am sure from a distance it is easier said than done, but with any kid, especially that age and as you describe him (ie smart and responsible if he wants to), there is no way you repeat any instruction more than once. Just give him a warning. Ask him to come and sit one time. If he doesn't tell him that you are going to ask one more time and then if he doesn't do it again, he's going to bed without dinner.
Given the bad habits he has got into it might create a bit of a tantrum the first couple of times, but it will certainly shift the authority towards your side.
It seems like he acts out because he has an audience. He needs to learn to seek attention in a positive way. When he acts out, just give him one warning and punish him. If he howls, or screams just ignore him. On the other hand, make sure you reward him when he does something nice. Even if he does it when he is alone. He needs to come back to the right values.
Hope this helps!