View Full Version : Using grandmothers name...or not?
06-05-2009, 02:44 PM
When my husband and I first found out we were pregnant, we told his grandmother we would incorporate her middle name if we were having a girl. She was overjoyed! Her husbands name has been passed down for 2 generations so she was thrilled that we were going to honor her...Well, its a girl and im having major second thoughts about using her name. His grandmothers middle name is Lillian, not a big fan of the name but I do like Lilly. My husband and I have decided to name the baby Emily but Emily Lillian is not setting in with me so much. I really like Emily Elizabeth (yes, from Clifford!) Since we already told her we would use her name is it rude now if we didn't? I know it is our child and we can name her whatever we want but I just feel a bit...guilty if we go back on our words.
06-09-2009, 11:23 AM
Ooh that's tough. How would you feel about Emily-Elizabeth Lillian lastname? We read Clifford all the time and I like the name Emily Elizabeth too!
06-09-2009, 01:22 PM
Are you religious at all...sometimes you can use it as a baptism name....and do like they said. Emily Elizabeth Lillian (Last name). I think it might hurt her if you change your mind....or can you comlin lilly or lillian with another name.
06-09-2009, 04:32 PM
I think she would be hurt or atleast really disappointed if you backed out after telling her and getting her excited. You could always give your daughter 2 middle names and have the second one Lillian. I also think part of the problem with the flow of Emily Lillian is that they have the same number of syllables, could you make a slight variation like Emily Lilliana?
06-11-2009, 11:24 AM
I think it would definitely be kind of cruel to not use her name now.
You gave your word, now you should stick to it.
Whether you use two middle names, or a variation of Lillian, or however you can make it work best for you, I think its only right you use it somehow.
What if you named her Lillian Emily, but called her Emily? I think that flows better than Emily Lillian. I know several people who go by their middle name.
Or, what's grandma's first name? Would it work better?
06-11-2009, 11:26 PM
His grandmothers first name is Norma....
06-12-2009, 10:02 AM
Ah. Well. Emily Lillian sounds better than Emily Norma for sure.
06-12-2009, 10:51 AM
Aww, that probably would hurt her feelings. I actually love the name Lillian. You could tell her that once she was born she just looked like an "Emily Elizabeth." It's kind of shady, but....if it doesn't work it doesn't work. And you should love your baby's name.
06-12-2009, 12:41 PM
I am in a similar situation. My husband and his best friend promised each other that they would name their sons after each other. So now when we have a son, we have to add a second middle name that does not go with the name we already have picked out. If you already told her, you should stick to your word. I always wanted to give my daughter my grandmother's middle name. I never told her, though. It turned out the name we picked didn't go with her first or middle name. So we didn't name her after my grandmother.
06-24-2009, 10:04 AM
What this comes down to in my mind is honoring someone you love. Yes, names are important, but more important than how it sounds is what it means. Wouldn't you rather associate your child with a respected member of the family and pass along that heritage instead of a character from a book or TV show just because it sounds pretty? You could end up teaching your daughter so much more about the importance of family and tradition by keeping your word and using the grandmother's name or some variation of it. Naming a child is a very personal decision and a hard one so I wish you well in making this choice.
06-25-2009, 08:27 AM
I think that if you already told great-grandma-to-be that you would incorporate her name, YOU MUST (ESP. if she was so excited about it)! What better feeling could you possibly have, years down the road, than remembering that you honored her like that, and how proud she is/was.
What about Lillian Emily-Elizabeth __(last)__ ... you could call her "Lil Em" or Emily... like someone else posted, A LOT of people go by their middle name (s)... it's quite classy and kind of mysterious ;)
I also like Lillie Elizabeth... or Lillie Beth? (Spelling can go ALL SORTS OF WAYS! LOL)
GOOD LUCK making the decision... let us know what you do in the end!!
07-10-2009, 03:41 PM
I really think you need to use the name, as promised. It's pretty too, in my opinion.
07-15-2009, 07:08 PM
I'm in a similar situation. My mom and my husband's mom's middles names are both Ann, so everyone assumes my baby girl's middle name is going to be Ann also. Well, I disagree. I wanted to give her the middle name of Marie (that's mine - maybe a little narcisistic (sp) but I like it). Oh - first name is Evelyn. Well, to settle, we combined, her name is going to be Evelyn Annemarie. Not necessarily the flow I wanted, but still pretty.
Also, my husband goes by his middle name. So does his brother, his best friend, and his dad. So it's more common than you think. I do think Lillian Emily Elizabeth is very cute. Or Emily Elizabeth Lillian sounds nice too. You don't have to use the second middle name. But at least you can tell grandma your daughter is still named after her.
07-15-2009, 08:19 PM
Would Emily Lilly work?
I think if you said you would, you probably should. We used both living grandmother's middle names too. I like that it's honoring the strong women that we came from. However, I have to say- why are the grandmother's first names so horrible?! Mildred?! Really?! lol
07-17-2009, 09:47 AM
Tough situation! Can you possible compromise by just using the "L"?
08-22-2009, 03:45 PM
Emily Lillian doesn't really seem to go together, but Emily Lilliana sounds good. Or maybe you could use a variation of Norma like Emily Nora. I think you should probably use the grandmother's name since you told her you were going to. There are a ton of different ways to spell both names so you could get creative.
09-19-2009, 07:42 PM
I'm no stranger to the difficulties of picking out names for children. However, to honor a promise made will serve a greater good in both you and your daughter's lives than anything else. If you promised to incorporate her middle name in your daughter's name then I would try your best. I understand Emily is the name you have settled on right now, but perhaps, in the spirit of honor, you should try and look at other names that may flow with Lillian better or may incorporate a form of Lillian within them. You may discover a name that you like even better than Emily.
For example, when I was pregnant with my oldest we knew that if he was a boy his middle name would be James after my father-in-law, who is deceased. So we simply went through every name that flowed with James and after a long and arduous process we came up with Isaac James, which I love. My second son was the same thing, we decided his middle name would be Vincent after my father, and again after a long process we came up with Joshua Vincent. (Boys names are not easy for us).
My recommendation is even though you're in love with the name Emily, explore what else is out there. We had the name Bailey Katherine picked out for our first girl for nearly 6 years before she was born. Needless to say her name is Adeline Clare.
09-29-2009, 07:38 AM
I think maybe you should go with either a variation of lillian, like lilliana as someone else said, or 2 middle names. I personally am considering giving my son 2 middles names because I just can't decide.
10-01-2009, 02:36 PM
I'm just wondering why you made a promise like this in the first place? Did you know what her middle name was before you made the promise? If not why didn't you find out? You had to know somewhere deep down that if you made this promise then you would feel obligated to keep it. Both of my daughters are named after family members. (Our oldest is named after my grandma and my cousin and hubby's mom. Our youngest isn't "technically" named after anyone but we used the middle name of my m-i-l in her name) However, we didn't make a promise to anyone until we had settled on a name for certain.
10-17-2009, 03:31 PM
Lillian is actually a diminutive of Elizabeth so strictly speaking you are honouring your promise if you go with emily elizabeth.
10-21-2009, 01:52 AM
Here's a few ideas.
First.. "Emililian".. (Emma-lillian).
And you could nickname her Emily.. and call her Emily.
Emililian (maybe with different spelling) is kinda cool and unique and pretty and incorporates lillian into the name.
Second idea.. you could tell her that you guys decided to name her Emily Elizabeth but with your next girl you will name her after her.
Third ideayou could come up with a different first name that flows with Lillian better.
There are TONS of names out there!
Nymbler.com will help you find names that conform to the type of names you like (for exmaple short traditional, long unique, Jewish, African whatever. And if you like Emily you can enter that as a name you like and it will pull up similar names that are different that might flow with lillian better).
Fourth option.. you could opt out.. it's your baby and you should really name your baby a name you like and love and want. Giving your baby a lifelong name because you told her you would seems like a mistake.
Older people especially tend to be understanding.. I really think she will understand if you talk to her about it and explain it to her. (and tell her that you're going to keep looking at names to see if you can find one that flows better with Lillian that you love as much as Emily Elizabeth!).
Just tell her tha tyou've fallen in love with the name EE and she will understand. I'm sure she doesn't want you to name your daughter something you arne't in love with out of obligation either.
But then I realy would still try to find a new name or try to name the next girl after her.
Oh you could also tell her about that you love the EE name but are going to keep looking for Lillian names and gauge her reaction. See if she's understanding or really sad. Could always add it on as as econd middle name too.
What is her maiden name? Maybe you could use that?
10-21-2009, 02:12 AM
oo oo Emlily!
(Em-lily)! (could use different spelling). It's pretty and flows!
Could still call her Emily if you wanna (nickname).
11-08-2009, 10:02 PM
Just wanted to add a note from my personal experience: when I was born, my parents wanted to name me after a woman who was very important in my mother's life and who had recently passed away. To honor her, they gave me her name as my first name, but always called me by my middle name.
This woman had an amazing life and has been an inspiration to me even though we never met. Being her namesake meant that I learned more about her life and paid more attention to my Mom's stories about her even when I was a little girl...it kept her "alive" in our family memory in a special way. So I am grateful to be named for her.
However, having her name as my *first* name, instead of the name I have always gone by, has been a minor hassle throughout my life. Here are a few examples: When I start at a new school or job, I spend a good part of my orientation explaining what name I use and getting it changed in directories, on cards etc. In the computer age, I typically have to spend time changing whatever automatic email and account names assigned to me so that my business associates will recognize my messages. As a child, I was teased when my schoolmates found out my "real" name - and even today, hilarity ensues at work when people learn my "alias". I have to keep a running tally of which doctors, dentists etc. keep my given name or the name I use on file. Several times a week, I have this conversation on the phone: Me: "This is (middle name)." Caller: "Oh, I was trying to reach (first name)" Me "That's me, I just go by (middle name)". Caller "..." Me: "Really, it's me...what can I do for you?". When I got married, I thought that I could finally change my name to the name I use, I found out that the name change only applies to last and middle names - I would have to go through a good deal of paperwork to make the change.
None of these are big problems, of course, and none outweigh the honor of being named for such a wonderful person. But I would just encourage anyone planning to go the "middle as first" route to think through the many small inconveniences that your child will experience as a result.
12-01-2009, 05:21 PM
I like Lillian Emily or Emily Lilly! I definitely think you should stick to your word! If you weren't prepared to keep your word you never should have said anything to the grandma! I don't mean that to sound cruel at all, I just think someones word is their word, and you have excited a family member by wanting to honor their name. It would be hurtful (even if she doesn't show it) to almost anyone to be told one thing, and then not see it through! You could also consider Emaline Lillian and calling her Emily. Or Lillian Elizabeth and calling her some form of Elizabeth. Just a few thoughts!
12-09-2009, 11:43 PM
Its a pretty good idea for names. But to make everyone happy, I think its better to combine both grandparent's names.
01-21-2010, 11:35 AM
Emily Lillian Elizabeth actually sounds very nice!
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