Divorce!! Need advice

[kfiedler]

My Mom and Dad will be getting a divorce, It stems from an affair that my dad has had (and he is still with her) the world came crashing down in September of 2007. Since then I don't really see my Dad much and neither do my kids(16 months and 3 years) we all had a very close relationship . Within th last two weeks my Dad has finally been more interested in being in his Grandkids lives wants to take them places which I think is great. However he askes my premission if it is ok that the other women be there as well, I feel I really don't care I can't be emotional about this any more. And with the kids being so young there really is know way that he could keep his eye on both kids with just himself. I have met the other lady a few times, I don't go out of my way to be nice to her yet I am not rude to her. This is just all really weird. My mom (Grandma) feels I am not being fair to her in having this other woman there. I am kind of at a loss, I have lost a lot of respect for my dad and find it awkward being around him, I just assume he take the kids, so I don't have to think WHY? everytime I see him. He is a great Grandpa, no queston about it. But is it okay to involve this other women? And what can I say to my mom that make her understand that I can't be emotionally involed anymore? Any advice would be great

[Amboq07]

hello. I understand where your coming from. My mom and dad were married for almost 21 years and out of the blue my dad decided he didnt love my mom any more and wanted a divorce. (He didnt cheat though). Any way, they have been divorced for about 3 years now and honestly it has been a horrible experience. In the beginning they both put me in the middle all the time wanting me to relay messages from one to the other and talking about each other to me. Well my dad has been dating a lady for a good 2 1/2 years now and still to this day my mom wants to know whats going on with my dad and his girlfriend. Recently they decided they were going to get married and I didnt tell my mom so when she found out she was so upset with me because she felt like I was trying to keep it from her. Its really difficult to make her understand that I am not choosing sides and Im not trying to hurt her by keeping anything from her but I do have to always remind her that I love her and that I want her to be happy and Im not always going to tell her everything because I know it will upset her. And with my dad, besides the fact that I think his girlfriend is a golddigger, he does bring her around sometimes and I am nice to her but like I said I will never agree with things he has done to my mom or his new marriage but I am not rude to her and I do try to include her in things. So I guess what I am trying to tell you is that if your dad is serious about his girlfriend than yes you should try to include her in just for your dads sake. And as far as your mom goes just let her know that you love her and your dad very much and you do not under and circumstances agree with what he did to her but he is still your dad and you love him and what him to be apart of your childrens lives and sometimes that will include his girlfriend.

Sorry my response is so long. I hope I have helped a little.

[myboysmom]

My in-laws have been divorced for 14+ years, both been remarried, and my MIL is STILL concerned with her ex! He is going to get married for the 3rd time this summer, and ever since I've been with my husband, my MIL has made snide little comments about the different gf's my FIL has had. But anyway, I agree with Amboq, as hard as it is, you have to accept their new SO to a certain degree, but I don't know where to draw the line. Obviously, she will never be "mom" to you, but what about "grandma"? My FIL and his fiancee have only been together since July 4, 2007, and they're getting married this June. He's been calling her "Grandma" to my 4 and 2 yr old since before christmas. I don't agree. I don't think that she should be considered gma until they are married, especially after such a short dating period! Any thoughts are welcome.

[Amboq07]

In reguards to what myboysmom said, I would not agree with my son calling my dads soon to be wife grandma, even once they are married. In my own personal opinion my son can call her ms. donna, she is not his grandma and never will be and I will make that clear to my mom. And my dad would just have to get over that, if he wanted his woman to be called grandma he should have stayed with my mom!!

[myboysmom]

I would love to tell my FIL that, but he is so sensitive about this sort of thing! When he was married to his 2nd wife, my DH was in junior high, and he had 3 stepsisters for about 3 years. During this time, my FIL really threw himself into her family and tried to push it on my DH who was an only child at the time. He's doing the same thing with #3. She has two kids in their 30's and grandkids, and my FIL wants us to be one big happy family. Well, I don't see that happening. We're all 28+ yrs and have our own lives/families. Do I really have to make room for a whole new set of siblings/nieces & nephews??

[GAQUINO]

I know how you feel. My parents divorced after 23 years of marraige and my dad whom has recently passed away married a second time to this women whom was my age. I have also been through a ugly divore. I am now currently re-married with 3 children two from my first marriage and one with my current husband. I also have two step-children whom live with me. I feel the MORE people who love my children the better off they are in life. Give him a chance! My husband and I get along great with our ex's we look at them as our extended family. If it was not for them we would not have our beautiful children in our lives. Life is tooo short. Good luck.
Genice