Need Advice

[mom22]

I am the mom to two wonderful girls, ages 4 and 5. For a few years now, I have been struggling with the idea of having another baby. I am 37 now, and if I got pregnant now, I would be 38 when the baby was born. I am terrified at the thought of something being wrong with the baby - that is what keeps holding me back. I wanted to be done having babies at 35 because I know that the risks go up at that age. Now, I am just feeling old! I don't know if I could handle the sleepless nights and all the things that go into having a newborn. Also, I get really hormonal after having babies and it puts a strain on our marriage. But, every time I see families with 3 kids I get jealous! I love babies, but I am wondering if the opportunity has passed us by. I just wish we could make up our minds one way or the other. I'm tired of this consuming my thoughts! My husband would be happy either way - we are both indecisive about it. Any thoughts on this would be wonderful. And be honest about what you have to say - I'm not worried about being called old! :-)

[HoneybearMom]

First your are only 37 yrs old, that is not OLD!!!! (besides my grandmother always told me that at 40 you start getting younger again.) Second, yes the risks to both you and the baby go up as you get older. Have you thought about adopting a new baby. There are lots of kids out there that need (more than anything) to be accepted by two loving parents. You have two kids that can help you out in the event that you (and your husband) deside to have another baby, but if it were me in your position I would consider trying to adopt a little one.

[mom22]

I have thought about adopting, but it is out of the question for my husband. I wish it weren't!

[camcdowell]

My mother-in-law was in her early fourties when we got married. The sweet little girl she was pregent with is now six. We can't imagine life without her. Best of luck!!!!

[ra11en]

While the risks do increase, like HoneybearMom said - you aren't OLD! I've heard of much much older women having healthy babies. The risk is there regardless of your age of course, but at least with today's medical advancements you would know long before giving birth and hopefully be able to rectify or prepare one way or another. The chances are still lower than if you wait a few more years. Are there any health issues that run in yours or your husbands families? Are both your children healthy and born with no problems? I think those would be the biggest indicators aside from your age.

As for getting through the newborn days again - good luck! I think that those days are almost impossible regardless of age, and it depends more on your spirit than your years! While I was physically exhausted, sure, it was the mental strain that really took its toll on me and my husband. You've already gone through it and know what to expect (for the most part). It put a huge strain on my marriage as well, but we came through it stronger than ever as I'm sure you and your husband would do as well. Again, you've already done it twice and you're still married and obviously communicating well!!

This is such a personal decision, but I wouldn't let your relatively young age be that big a factor. Can you love and care for another baby? Is your husband supportive of wanting another addition to the family? Can you financially handle another child? Are you mentally as prepared as you can be for the risks involved (always involved) in having another baby, or the disappointment of not having one? I think those are more pertinent questions than "Should I have one at 37". :) Again, you are so NOT old!!!!

Best of luck to you and your husband!

PS - My husband would also be dead set against adopting a baby. Natural or not at all.

[TrvlGirl]

Hey Mom22,

I saw your posting and was just curious if you've made a decision?

I'm in a similar situation. I've got two wonderful boys (2 1/2 years and 7 months) and keep being tugged over another child. I've always wanted three kids, that is until I started working in the travel industry and found it very difficult to find accommodations for families of five, and now that I am 38 I know that this is my last chance for another one as well. I flip flop every week and my husband is of no help - he just keeps telling me he's fine with what ever I decide.

Good luck with your decision!