Dealing With a Rude Tween

[Sasha at Parenting.com]

Has your kid starting giving major attitude all of a sudden? In the June issue of Parenting School Years, we have some tips for handling this common phase (http://www.parenting.com/article/Child/Behavior/7-Ways-to-Fix-Rude-Tween-Behavior).

Do you have a sassy tween or teen? What works for you?

[Landon'sMommy]

I'm step mom to a tweener. She is generally a good kid but here lately I can definitely see the hormones coming alive. In a way I dread it. I'm not ready for this. My son is only 4 and my step daughter came into my life when she was 7 years old. She lives full time with us and I feel like this puberty thing might be more than I can handle, but so far we've been ok. She doesn't get to see her mom very often (she lives quite a distance away). I feel like she needs me to be there for her more than ever now that she is about to hit her teens. I remember how hard that was.

She's always been a lil spitfire and had an attitude. At first I let it get to me but over the years I've learned how to communicate with her. I have to say she has been a bit more testy these last few months than is normal for her. Something in that article made me think of an incident just the other day when I was joking with her about being a big baby when she gets scratched and she snapped back "You're the big baby" except she wasn't joking! This really shocked me. Today I was getting a bit irritated with her for lying around when I had been telling her over and over to pick up her things in the living room and I said "You've got too much to do to be laying around" and she snapped back "So do you!" and I could tell immediately she had wished she wouldn't have said that. I'm trying to be understanding. I know how a woman's hormones can make you a bit irritable and impulsive, but at the same time I don't want her to think its ok for her to talk to me that way. This is definitely a difficult age!! Then after this comes the dreadful teens!!!!

One thing I told her after confronting her about spouting out those rude comments is that I don't care what she's thinking in her head thats her business, but she can't say those things out loud because it is disrespectful and there will be consequences for her actions. I don't want her to feel smothered. I know at this age they are thinking irrationally because they are learning whats ok and whats not ok and how they feel about certain things, but I always want to maintain a strong parental stance. I think showing stability to your children actually feeds their security even though at the moment they hate that they can't change your mind about something or get away with something.

[Fishman]

Does Your Child Say This? “You’re not my mom! I don’t have to listen to you!” (http://www.empoweringparents.com/You-are-not-my-mom-I-dont-have-to-listen-to-you.php)