View Full Version : More Chore Wars
Why is it so hard to get my husband to do his chores right?! I've posted problems with my husband not helping out before and tonight, we had another episode of him not completing what I asked him to help me with. First of all, we usually like to have something hot to drink at night, a cup of decaf coffee for him and a cup of tea for me. However, he hardly ever makes the drinks and I always fix him his coffee when I fix my tea. If I don't fix my tea, then he either will go without drinking his coffee or he will fix his coffee and not fix my tea.
So tonight, while I was fixing both of our drinks, I asked him to clean up our baby's toys. I saw that he cleaned up a little bit of it and then he just continued to sit there and watch TV. So I told him to finish fixing his own coffee since he wasn't cleaning up the toys. He told me he did finish picking up the toys. I went into the living room and saw that he had only picked up HALF of the toys. AAAAAHHHHH! I then pointed out to him that there's all these toys that haven't been picked up to which he replied something sarcastic back at me. I blew up a little and asked him why it's such a struggle to ask him to help me around the house.
Do any of you experience the same thing, where when your husband does help, he only does half the work? Is it because they're lazy and they don't want to finish it? Is it because they don't see the other half of the mess? I find it really hard to understand why with only half of the toys picked up, he would think that he's done picking up ALL the toys???
04-11-2008, 09:05 AM
That is EXACTLY how it is with my husband!!! The other night I asked my husband Aaron to feed our son Logan while I cooked dinner, and he said, "Alright, but you have to put him in the high chair and get his food ready and put a bib on him." So I bit my tongue and did it. Aaron fed Logan and then went back to the TV. He left Logan sitting in his high chair with food all over his face and hands and he left the empty food container and spoon just sitting on the table. So we kind of got into it a bit, I told him that he needed to finish the job and he said, "Logan's fed, isn't he? That's all you asked me to do." He drives me crazy! And yeah, Logan was fed, but whenever I feed him I will put him in the high chair and get his food ready and clean it all up when he's done eating, I don't make Aaron help me at all, so I don't understand why it's not the same for him. So I definitely know how you're feeling! If you find a way to get your husband to finish a chore, please let me know!
04-11-2008, 02:49 PM
Unfortunately, husbands are just wired that way. You may have to make a list of things for him to do, with the understanding that he will do them his way...and that is OK. If there are things that you can't stand for him to do his way, leave them off his list. He will probably be happy to oblige you if he knows exactly what you want. Men really don't have a clue about some things that just come naturally to us. Give him specifics such as time deadlines. For example, the baby must be bathed by 7:00 so that he can get in bed by 7:30. Otherwise, hubby may just say that he will get to it later, and later never comes. Also, don't forget to show him the list of chores you will be doing so he doesn't feel like you are just barking out orders for him all evening.
Oh, and don't forget his reward! Men love to hear praise...for every little thing!
04-11-2008, 03:15 PM
ivegot4, so they're kind of like dogs, huh? "Good hubby!" :)
just thought I'd add a post to this thread that offers hope to women that there are good men out there. I'v been truely blessed with my fiance. we both work but he does the majority of the house work, especially since I've become pregnant, including but not limited to sweeping mopping, dusting, dishes, cooking, and can you believe it Laundry ( the washing, folding, and putting away of!) Not to mention, he also does the mowing and maintenance of the house like roof repair Etc. To bad he can't be the pregnant one too, HAHAHA! I've started to feel guilty because in comparison I do much less. we usually divide things up. like he cooks, I do dishes, he washes the laundry, I fold and we put away our own, he sweeps, I mop, etc. However, since becoming pregnant, I nap he does the rest for the most part. I told him he spoils me rotten but his reply is I'm doing most the work for the family by baking a baby.
04-11-2008, 09:29 PM
I think they are just wired differently. Mine seems to think that as long as we have a clean pathway it's fine. What really drives me nuts is when he picks stuff up off the floor and just puts it on the couch. I just don't get it. When we first started dating he lived with friends, and was a 'housefriend?' (they worked and he stayed home and cleaned and cooked.) But will he do it for me? Noooo...I really love it when he complains when I put dirty dishes on the cabinet, so I put them in the sink. He goes in there to do a load of dishes and yells because the sinks are full. But he does put the laundry up after I fold it and makes the kids clean.
04-11-2008, 11:22 PM
I competely understand what your going through. I would say about 80% of the time when I ask my husband to do something he doesnt do it, and not hard things, easy things like change the babies diaper or fix something, not anything difficult to do. He just never does it. Sometimes it seems like I have to beg him to do something and then he still doesnt do it. One thing that drives me crazy is putting the dirty clothes in the hamper, I tell him all the time to put them in there not on the floor, well he now starts putting them ON TOP of the stinking hamper. I mean come on, how lazy can you be? Or instead of putting his dishes in the sink he will put them next to the sink. It just drives me crazy. I feel like a maid, like I am always cleaning up after him. And talking to him about it never seems to help!!! At least I'm not alone though, I guess they are all the same!
04-11-2008, 11:36 PM
I just had a thought: you know how it drives us nuts to be questioned and "wanted" to death by the kids all day; the last thing you want is to have your husband come home and want or need something from you? Maybe they feel the same. I'm not trying to make excuses for them; God knows they could all help out more. But maybe if we gave them 30 min.-1 hour to decompress when they get home, they would be more willing to help out. . . . I know, we don't get to do that. But if anybody tries this experiment, let me know how it works for them! I know, it's a stretch!
04-12-2008, 01:42 PM
I'm a SAHM and my husband works from 800 to 500. Well, he comes home and I start to list things that still needs to be done. Do you know how long that lasted? Not long at all. He asks for an hour to unwind and than he's more than happy to help. I ask for the basics...help with the dishes and for him to vacuum. He gets the carpets, I get the floors.
Now this wasn't the case when I met him. I have type A personality and he has a type Z personality. I had to accept that he doesnt use fifty cleaners and doesn't clean in the corners. And he has to accept that because of that, I don't ask him to do some things around the house. I found four things help:
1) be specific instead of "pick up all the toys hunny" ask "hunny can you pick up all the toys on the floor including all those super heroes and firetrucks. I need the floor empty"
2) give your husband some time to breath when he gets home...great thing to mention myboysmom
3) accept each others flaws when it comes to chores
4) tell your husband you think he's one sexy man when he cleans (boost their egos)
04-12-2008, 02:02 PM
So, my husband works 4 days a week, 10 hours a day...Im not saying he doesnt work hard, but during those days, when he comes home at midnight, i let him sleep in, and ask nothing from him. I know he need to rst and I respect that (even when afterwork he sometimes goes for a couple of beers...but Ive learned to deal with that),,, Yesterday, his first day off, he tells me his boss invited the whole unit to play golf, and that he woul feel awkward not being there, beacuse it was mroe of a "work" related thing than a fun day... so He took us to toys r us in the morning but left early (11am) he came home at 5, we came back form the park and he decided he was really tired form the golf and took a nap !!! So here I am awake since 7am, running around with the baby...and he is sleeping in the couch.. I say nothing and let him enjoy his day off... end the day, give the baby a bath, put her to sleep and stay up with him watching TV eventhough I am exhausted and all I want is to sleep (but for our marriage sake I want to spend some time with him) ... Today, he was going to "help" me.. we hear the baby cry, he gets up... and after 20 minutes baby goes into our bedroom and wakes me up (of course daddy is watching TV and doesnt see our door is opne and bab has walked into our bedroom) I get up to notice baby's diaper hasnt been changed, she is hungry because hubby was waiting until 8:30 to feed her (I still dont know why he was waiting!!!) and there I am doing the stuff he was going to help me with... so he says "I am going back to bed" and he sleeps until 10:35 am when I was getting read to go to the park or anywhre for that matter beacuse I am furious! During all this time I am picking up shoes, socks, candy wrappers, dirty dishes from all over the living room...because my husband cant pick them up! I AM FURIOUS!!! seriously..he keeps saying that he works hard, and that he doesnt ask me to clean up or have a clean house... of course he doesnt! but I dont like living in a pigsty (sp?) I do it beacuse I want to have a clean house for me and my daughter...but since he doenst care if the house is clean or not, its my problem how much time I have to spend cleaning it. Seriously we've had so many fights about this, but he doesnt seem to get it... he says there isnt really much to do aroudn the house.. but am I crazy feeling like tehre is a lot? I am soooo overwhelmed right now... just want to cry and sleep... but I look around and I still have to make the bed pick up the books baby pulled form the bookshelve, pick up some clothes she also pulled from a drawer, put away the laundry, fold baby's clothes, do the dishes, vacuum, mop.... its a relieve to hear others have the same problem, which actually menas I didnt end up with the only LAZY ASS of the bunch... but what can I do, we've had so many discussions about this Im tired ofit, and he is tried of my nagging... but I dont feel is nagging but Fairness... what can I do..I feel he is destroying teh strong woman I used to be and now, Im just a submissive tired old lady, beacuse I am just so tired I dont want to fight or ague any more..just do it myslef and dfeal with it....
04-12-2008, 04:37 PM
Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that men don't care if crumbs are spread across the counter since yesterday, the cats are so desperate for their own water that they decide to drink from my cup on the table and that there is so much clutter from day to day, that it looks like we live with the armed forces. However, I've been with my husband for 9 years and not one thing has changed since day one. The good thing is that he will vacuum, because he knows how much I hate it. He actually likes it. When I get overwhelmed or just plain tired of doing it all, I will make him kinda feel guilty about coming home to sit on his butt. Little looks, lack of attention (make him feel that "I'm too busy to give you attention, too") because I do all the housework and pay the bills, grocery shop, get up in the middle of the night with our 6 month old etc. Yes, I work full time too...I've tried to make certain days where HE makes dinner, cleans the kitchen, etc. Although he doesn't help with household things, he does, faithfully, take the garbage out on Mondays, bathes our son everynite, feeds him before bed and will stay home with him on the weekends, if I decide to meet with friends. I've learned, and hopefully everyone else can too...lower your expectations!! Alot...keep going, lower...ok...maybe the men in our lives think that we enjoy all the work, remind them we hate it as much as they do, but if the laundry didn't get done every week, my husband would buy a new wardrobe to avoid the washer.
04-13-2008, 11:44 AM
I am happy to know that i am not the only mom that has this problem. I thought my husband was the only LAZY man in the world. ladies we work 24 hours and day i think we still work in our sleep. trubearj has good thoughts, I will try this and let you know how it works for me. Thanks
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