need to talk... about my daughter

[potterramos]

hello, i had my little girl in march 27 2009 and she weighed 1 pound 2 ounces. she was my third preemmie baby. she came out crying and breathed without the vent for 3 days. the doctors was shocked and said they had never seen a baby that small due so well. on may 13 2009 , at 6 weeks old i had to decide to turn her vent off because she caught an infection from her iv from the nicu, her body went into shock and her organs started shutting down one by one. she had to be put on nitric oxide and her body stopped making platlets, blood, bladder stopped and they had to put her into a coma state because she was in so much pain. the morphine, methadone, and everyone pain medicine would not help. the doctors said the could not identify the kind infection but it shut down her body. they did test after test after test. the same ones over and over and on may 13, 2009 as i looked at my baby, the doctors came in and said they was going to do the test over again because they could not identify the type of infection she had caught. infectious disease specialist came and said they did not know the kind of infection but she had one that she had not had at birth. but they wanted to find out what it was so they was going to do all the test again, get brain fluid, blood,x rays, mri, cat scans, because they needed to know what it was. i asked them can you help her, they said no it is already to late for that, she is dying i said well is she hurting and they said yes. i asked if i could please disconnect her from the machines and let her go. i held my baby for the first time ever and they unplugged her, as she layed in my arms i just told her she would be ok now, 13 minutes later she was completely gone. i had her funeral last saturday, my baby surved her purpose god had planned. now she is with him.

[baby duck]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[craftyashley]

My heart goes out to you.

[Kerisweetpea]

i am so sorry for your loss. thats something i wish NO parent had to go threw!

[merriwoman]

I am SO sorry about the loss of your daughter. I don't even know you...but I know the pain of the death of my premature son. My story was similar to yours. My son was born at 24 weeks (16 weeks early). He was 1 lb, 7 oz and 12 inches long. He had a lot of the same meds you mentioned. He had several surgeries. He ended up getting a staph infection through one of his ivs. He had MRSA. It ended up shutting down his whole little body and he died 8 weeks after his birth. It's been 4.5 years now since his birth. It's something I will NEVER forget. I'm sure you will never forget either. Your daughter's little life will forever influence yours. I know that it's really hard right now, and it probably will be for awhile...but you will get through it. Journaling is very helpful, so is talking with others. A book I found helpful was, "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur. Also, please know that God knows your pain and He is right there with you....even if it doesn't seem like it. In Psalms it says that "God is close to the brokenhearted." May God comfort you in your loss.

[Lorena_Isabel_Torres@yahoo.com]

As I read your story it makes me so sad and I wanted you to know that you are a strong person and I wish you the best and you have an angel looking over you.

[AllBlueZoo]

My prayers go out to you. You now have an angel watching over you.

[alejandro]

I am brand new here so I do not really know where to go but I want to talk to someone about the loss of my son,I have no extended family and his mother died many years ago,consequently I am alone.Where t5o go from here?

[alejandro]

I am new to this site so I might make a mistake here and there,I tried to post a little message about my son a little while ago and I do not know if I did it right.Anyway I will try again,My beloved son decided not live anymore and took his own life yesterday.I am 79 years old and have seen a lot but I cannot come to grips with this.Please someone tell me why he would choose this way out.

[djasinski]

POTTERRAMOS- I am crying as I read your post. You are so strong for what you did for your little girl. Some parents couldnt have made that decision. No one can really relate to you unless they have been through the same - but as for the rest of us moms- we are here to support you. I am so sorry for your loss. GOd does have a plan even though we may not understand it at the time.

[addies_mom22]

omg, i'm crying as i read this... I'm so sorry...

[mamaj120]

First off, I want to say that I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. No one will ever truly understand what you have been through, but I know the pain of losing a premature baby. My daughter was born at 28 weeks (12 weeks early) and weighed 1lb 3oz at birth. She was very small for her gestational age and was put on ventilation immediately. Five days after birth, she suffered an air embolism and passed away suddenly.

We were shocked and devastated beyond belief. Looking back on it now, 10 months later, it felt surreal... like it was all a bad dream. But I get reminded of the harsh reality every morning on my way to work when I pass by the medical examiner's building where we identified her body (that was horrible and something I hope I NEVER have to do again). The only thing that's gotten me through the past 10 months has been the fact that her identical twin sister survived and is a happy, healthy baby today.

I will always have a huge hole in my heart for my daughter that passed away and it's something I will never fully come to terms with. I wish I had advice for you, but there's really nothing anyone can say that will take away the pain. Just know you are in my thoughts and you are not alone.