parenting differences

[slk421]

I am really stressed out. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have 2 kids. The oldest is from a previous relationship, she is 9, my husband has been in her life since she was 6 months old. The youngest is 5. We were raised completely different. I have always had an opinion and was allowed to express myself. I was not allowed to do what I wanted but I was allowed to say I did not agree and I was allowed some input on things. He believes that a child should do as told no questions asked, regardless of the situation. He is quick to punish the older one. Tonight she was in bed at 6:30 because he told her to do something and she had an idea of how she wanted to do it and he just wanted it done no questions asked. I try to support him but I really feel like he is being unreasonable. He comes from a family were what DAD said was all there was, no questions asked. It is coming to the point where I feel like I need to take a stand. I feel like he is harder on "my daughter" than our daughter. This situation is coming to a head. Any advice. I do not want a divorce but I do want strong girls who can speak their mind.

[ra11en]

Sounds like a really tough situation. You two definitely need to be on the same page when parenting, especially when implementing discipline. I would advise you two sit down and hash this out in a rational manner. You two are the vessels of those children and have a responsibility to come together and be their biggest fans while teaching them to be responsible adults entering society. You cannot do that when you are resentful and undermining each other which you're bound to do if you disagree so adamantly. I for one fall in the middle of y'alls styles, so I fully believe you can come to an agreement that both of you can be happy about. Our house is certainly not a democracy although our daughter has the right to voice her opinion and we will always take it into consideration as long as it is said with respect, but ultimately it is our decision and our decision alone. And the punishment needs to fit the crime - having to go to bed at 6:30 because she didn't do it the way he wanted her to is a little over the top in my opinion. I've learned as a parent and as a wife that my little one rarely does things the same way I would but I want her to learn her own way so I've learned patience. And we all know husbands don't do things the way we want them to, but usually the end result is the same so we bite our tongue. :) Usually.

You two need to talk this out, and find a way to make it work otherwise you will only grow more and more resentful of each other. You have to both compromise and find a style you can both be proud of and can make work for your family. Negotiating is a very important tool in parenting and marriage.
Best of luck to y'all!!