Step-grandparents and first birthdays

[janamac42]

My parents got divorced about 3 1/2 years ago and my dad recently remarried. My son is having his first birthday party in July and it will be the first time my mom will meet my stepmom. My parents do not get along at all and I'm sure it will be a lot worse with my stepmom there. Also, just to add even more stress to this event, my mom has recently started dating someone that my sister and brother don't approve of and she's talking about bringing him to the birthday party just to get back at my dad. I've tried talking to my mom about it and she just says that she won't be openly rude to my dad but she can't promise much more. I know my dad will be fine, but my stepmom is one of those people who love drama and will say whatever she's thinking no matter who's around. I thought about having two separate parties for them but they both live far away and they both want to be there on Logan's birthday. I really want this day to be special for my son and for myself, so does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep the drama to a minimum and make it go as smoothly as possible?

[SpinMom]

You can keep it very short and simple, making it clear that after presents and cake it will be baby's bath / nap / quiet time, i.e. time for guests to leave.

Or you could divide up the day, having one mini-celebration in the morning with one group of grandparents and a second mini-celebration in the afternoon with the other set.

Try not to stress too much about it. First birthdays mean more to moms and dads than to a one year old... the one year old isn't going to remember it. If your parents care about you, they ought to make every effort to curb their tongues and act cordial to every other guest. Tell them I said so!!

[fuzzy]

I know the feeling..My son is turning one next month and I have been extremely stressed out on what to do?It makes it harder when everyone keeps asking. My final solution to the problem is to have 2 parties,one for my mothers side and the other for my fathers side. I know I have to go through the hassle of the 2 parties but at least I don't have to worry about people feeling uncomfortable and/or people saying the wrong things! Well,Either way Spinmom is right your son isn't really going to remember the birthday.Good Luck!

[sherriann]

Just because your baby won't remember doesn't mean you aren't entitled to a great memory of your baby's first birthday! This is a celebration of a big milestone for you too if you choose to see it as such. Tell everyone in advance that there are specific expectations and what they are so there is no confusion, and if they don't behave themselves then they will be asked to leave. Simple as that. That way they understand that the one year old is the only one entitled to throw a fit because of all of the excitement and overstimulation and the adults are expected to behave as such! Put the responsibility on them so they know if they cause trouble and have to be asked to leave they can only blame themselves! Hopefully everyone will cooperate when they see you are serious and comply. Good luck!!

[autymsmommy]

How about having a nice little sit down with ALL of the above mentioned potential trouble makers (including the brother and sister that don't approve of your mother's boyfriend) a couple days before the party. Let them know that you would like all of them to share in this exciting day, but if they can't figure out a way to all get along for their grandson/nephew's special day, then you would just as soon not invite ANY of them. Good Luck

[fuzzy]

I have to clarify that I don't think it's not important to have a party and enjoy the "anniversary of becoming parents" ,I just meant that if things don't go as planned(which often they do when it's conflicting families) not to get stressd over it cause it's their 1st birthday,They won't remember the family members argueing or you having to ask one of them to leave.They will remember what they see the pictures/video and maybe even gifts and we can control those better than we can control people.

[Mommy2Be!]

I think you just need to let people know your expectaions and if they can't follow them they can stay at home. My mom is the exact same way when it comes to stuff with my sister and I....and we are 29. She is still a bite in the butt, but we just flat out tell her our expectaions and if she has a problem with that, it's her problem and she can just stay away.

This is a time for good memories not having to worry about all the "caddy" stuff that happens. If I were you I would just flat out tell your dad that this is what you expect from your step mom and same with your mom & her boyfreind. Don't be afraid to tell them to leave either if they are causing problems while they are at the party. Since this is a first time get together...who knows it might turn out just fine or it may not, at least you will know what to do in the future. Best of luck and congrats on the little ones birthday!

[myboysmom]

I feel for you!! For my oldest son's 4th b-day, I had 3 different parties. One for my family, and one each for my MIL and FIL. (read my posts in MIL from Hell). I've about decided that I'm not even going to have b-day parties anymore. Isn't that sad?? But seriously, hopefully everyone in YOUR family can be adults and deal with each other for 1-2 hours. I get to try again in June if I want to. We'll see! Good luck to you, you may need it!

[janamac42]

Thanks everybody for all the advice! Not to be too complaining (seems like that's all I do on here!) but the problem with telling them they would have to leave is that I live in Texas, my mom lives in Illinois and my dad and stepmom live in Ohio, so I can't really tell them to leave cuz there's nowhere else that they can go. But I am going to talk to my dad (he's the most reasonable of the 3) about trying to keep his wife in line and I might get some of my husband's family (they're surprisingly the sane ones for the most part) to kind of keep my parents separated as much as possible.