4 yr DD physical with boy friend

[momoftwo2]

My 4.5 year old daughter loves playing with a little boy in the neighborhood (5). She adores him. She is a tomboy and doesn't talk of having a boyfriend or anything however she is naturally a physical child as is he and on two occassions I've noticed them wrestling and then laying on each other as well as hugging. I told her she should not lay on top of the boy and she said he really liked her to do this so I know it has happened before. I know there are sexual undertones. I told her if she continued, they could no longer have playdates. I was very calm. I don't want to encourage clandestine behavior or make her think she is bad but I am very confused about how to address this with a girl that is not yet even 5. I will call the boys mother but wanted to get feedback if possible first. Thanks for any help!

[cay8099]

If there are sexual undertones you are putting them there. 4 and 5 year olds don't even understand sex or anything to do with it. The kids have maybe seen things on TV that make them curious, or accidentally walked in on something, but it's only innocent curiousity. You are handling it correctly by telling her is not something we do, but not making a big deal over it. You want her to be able to come to you in her teens.

When you talk to the mother just explain what you saw, and tell her what you said to your child, but DO NOT POINT FINGERS. Suggest she talk to her son as well, and leave it at that. For the next while keep their playdates supervised.

[momoftwo2]

Thank you so much for your reply. Maybe I am placing sexual undertones where they may not exist however I know they like the feeling of their bodies together and I know my just turned 6 year old son is recently very aware and embarrassed by things happening to his little boy body so I assume this could happen to a 5 year old boy as well. My daughter took off her clothes when a little boy asked her too 6 months ago (he was 5 and she had just turned 4). (They were just in the next room from me but hiding in the closet.) She also asked her boy cousin to play house, lying under a blanket with him. My son thinks these things are very strange so I tend to think my daughter will be more inclined in this direction than my shy son. I also hate to think I am making my daughter this way just by thinking it but it has occurred to me. Thanks again for your input.

[cay8099]

6 year olds are more aware of their bodies; while 4-5 years olds are just beginning to learn about their bodies, and coming to understand that boys and girls are different. If there are other children available to learn with, they learn together. This is actually pretty common. You didn't cause this.