View Full Version : Angry fat mom
05-14-2009, 12:54 AM
I'm angry at my husband because I think without realizing it he wants me to stay fat. He works out all the time and eats fairly healthy we go out from time to time during the day but mostly it's for stuff like sushi or subway. At night it seems like he is a different person. It'll be 10 at night "let's order pizza!" "Look I brought you home ice cream." "Could you pick me up some Wendy's on your way home?" A lot of times I do really well and resist temptations but most of the time I don't. I mean a nice greasy piece of pizza at 10 always seems great. I really want to lose weight but because of certain health problem I have I can't work out to the extent he does so I can't burn those extra calories. I've tried talking to him but he keeps doing stuff like this. It's making our wallets skinny and me fat and I don't know what to do.
05-14-2009, 03:45 AM
Boy, have I been there! I know you've tried talking to him, but you need to take a different approach, and keep at it until you get through to him. Have you approached it from a health stand point with him yet? That's what helped me. I said something along the lines of, "I love you and I want to be here for you and the baby as long as I can be. I need your help with keeping temptation away from me by not requesting we buy junk food." He probably doesn't even realize that he's sabotaging you, and letting resentment brew isn't doing anyone any good. Best of luck to you. I hope you find what will make him more receptive to you.
05-24-2009, 11:20 PM
I am in the same boat! The moment I say I am eating healthy and working out he comes home with a friggin bag of hot Cheetos, cream cheese and a twix candy bar! I am like WTF!?
Sigh, he secretly wants me to be larger then I was before our kids. Sigh...I guess I should be happy that he loves my body as it is but we need to compromise here. I need to lose the gut a little at least...sigh. Men..
05-25-2009, 10:49 PM
I am also an angry fat mom and sometimes I do get frustrated with my husband but not for the same exact reasons. My husband is in the Army National Guard and is working out constantly. He's always been a lot thinner than me, but after the birth of our son it seems like I just keep packing on the pounds. He wants me to lose weight for health reasons and he says that he loves the way my body is, but I don't see how he could. I HATE to be naked in front of him and I can't imagine how he could be okay with how I look, but I don't know. He says he wants me to lose weight a lot which makes me feel like crap too. I just can't get motivated. I'm so tired all the time and I just want to get this weight off so bad. My husband has to leave in September for about 3 and a half months and I want to be much thinner when he gets back, but I want to start now! How can I get motivated....
05-26-2009, 07:45 AM
I think we are all in the same boat here, to a certain extent. I gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy, even though I am extremely active- My job is a youth specialist , as well as a kayaking/ archery instructor at a recreation facility. Iam also a vegetarian and rarely eat processed foods, so from the get-go i was dumbfounded. After I had my son, I lost 25 pounds in the first 2 weeks, which excited me. He is 9 weeks now and I've only lost 5 more pound for a total of 30. I walk 2 miles 2-3 times per week, still eat healty, cut down portions, and exclusively breast feed. My husband, however, is a cook, and DAILY at his work he consumes 3 or 4 donuts in the morning, a bagel in the mid day, and sometimes on his way home from work will get a fast food meal - the large size one, as a "snack" , on top of whatever we have for dinner that night!!!! He even will get a huge bowl of ice cream or something after that. - AND , he's still got a six pack, awesome arms, and is super strong - even though his workout has been somewhat non-existent since our son came along. He tells me he loves my body now, that he doesn't see a terrible need for a change, but that he does want me to lose weight and be in shape again. But, if I say I'm unhappy about how i look, he tells me im perfect. But god forbid I get a bowl of ice cream half the size of his - "do you need that? I thought you were trying to get back in shape" AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Is it bad to just hate him a litle bit? I wasn't the one who got the cushy job of watching when this whole thing happened - shut up!
05-26-2009, 11:06 AM
Ok, this may sound insensitive - but I've been there. Before pregnancy, I lost 100 lbs and once this baby pops out, I'll have to lose about 50 more (some remaining from before baby and some pregnancy weight)...
You won't be able to lose weight until you stop blaming someone else. Your husband invites you to participate in this for various reasons...He may want to sabatage your weight loss, it may be his way of showing you love or nurturing, etc...BUT, YOU are responsible for what goes in your mouth, not your husband. You can resent him all you want, but you have to be the one to keep the food out of your mouth. If he brings home ice cream at 10 (which my husband has been known to do), thank him for his thoughtfullness and tell him you are just too full to eat right now and you'll put it in the freezer for later. Later you can throw it out if you wish... If he wants to order pizza, tell him to go ahead, but to get a smaller size because it is just to late for you to eat at that late hour. After saying no a few times, he may (or may not) get the message...
I guess what I'm trying to say is...YOU have to take responsibility for what you injest, you can't blame it on everyone why may (or may not) be trying to sabatage you because those people will ALWAYS exist in your life. Someone will always be jealous of your success or want to use your weight to keep you in your place. You have to control what goes in your mouth.
And, again...I KNOW how hard that is. It's a daily struggle and will be for the rest of your life since you can hardly give up food completely like you can other addictions.
05-26-2009, 12:38 PM
I have been there! My husband doesn't want me to loose weight and he has flat out told me that. He loves me curves. It's been hard for me to accept my boday now. I was 105 (I'm only 5 feet tall) and when I went into labor I was 127. I got down to 114 and then out of no where I gained 10 pounds!! And I am scrambling to get it off but I can't seem to shake it and my hubby isn't helping! Just say no when he suggests fast food and such. lol Or make dinner and then when he asks for fast food say you already made dinner. You can say no. That's what I have had to do.
11-11-2009, 03:03 PM
It's possible your husband is not taking it seriously that you want to loose weight. He may not see his pizza orders etc as the problem, but rather what you do all day. If he is sabotaging (sp) you uncons' then you should look for your own inner motivation as opposed to enlisting his help. Maybe he is jealous or he just doesn't want to change his own habits.
I recently got a partner for my weightloss efforts. My friend picks me up on her way to work (she's 5 min fr me) and drops me about 7+ km from my house. I walk/run back. This is the 4th week and I have dropped about 6lbs.
The first 2 weeks I gained. If I had been on my own program I would have given up, but since I was committed to getting picked up everyday then I had to continue and I decided to be more disciplined with my eating. Cut nighttime eating. after 3.5 weeks I can actually refuse the sweets my DH brings almost nightly. I tell myself I can have them later or in the mornign if I still want it. (which I sometimes do)
More veggies and fruits and lentils and beans and soup and less refined carbs...it really works.
But none of this would be happening without my friend and partner. Get a partner.
07-15-2010, 12:21 PM
I understand what you're saying, but you can't make it his responsibility. If you're really serious about losing weight, u have to have enough self control
08-05-2010, 03:18 AM
i guess daddies are less conscious about health and physical appearance. They are simply pleased by the food they love. On the other hand, he is trying to pamper you with the food he enjoys. Do you also believe he needs companion for those good food? Having said that, I'm not saying you should indulge in each and every meal but you may limit yourself and politely say no the next round.
08-13-2010, 10:55 PM
Yeah, you can always tell him that he can order things he like but you won't be touching the food, that you are just going to accompany him. Good thing I don't like pizza that much and me and hubby had a different taste on food but that doesn't make me skinny either.
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