Help! Cio right now!!!

[gromalagraphics]

Im crying it out wiht my son right now and I have never heard him scream so loud! It seems when I go in there to shush, he only cries more and louder! Help!!

[ra11en]

How did it end? :( I know how rough it can be.

My DD would go hysterical when I tried to go in and comfort without taking her out of the crib. I HAD to pick her up and spend time consoling her anytime I went into her room. And even then, the first night was always rough on us both, and usually an all night ordeal. It was noticeably better by the second night, and over by the 3rd or 4th with her sleeping through the night again.

How are you doing?

[bearda93]

Pick him up and comfort him! How can you stand knowing that he wants comfort so badly and you are denying that?

Man, these forums must not be for me. I've never seen so many people do CIO like this. You know, your baby is only a baby for so long. In the grand scheme of things, this time in his life is just a blip. He will sleep better someday soon. I promise. He is likely teething, going through some other milestone, you just *do not* know. I dealt with sleep issues with twins and I never could bring myself to CIO.

[ra11en]

I think your reply was a tad harsh bearda93. :( While CIO may not work for you / your family, it has worked for quite a few sleep deprived parents, and does NOT imply that the parent cares any less than you do.

If a baby goes from sleeping well to wakeful nights, yeah, probably some underlying cause. If a baby has NEVER slept well, sleep training of some kind is probably warranted. I discussed different methods with our pediatrician, and a form of CIO that included comforting and support was strongly encouraged. By me and our dr!

Our variation included loving support, comforting in my arms, soothing words from mommy and daddy, and lots of tears! But you know what, our DD has the healthiest sleep habits out of all the kids I know. We don't have tantrums at bed time, we don't have all nighters unless she is noticeably sick (fever, etc). My DD is very bonded to me, even after the nights I 'denied' her by your definition. I am her favorite person in the world, she looks at me with all the love a child should look at their mother with. I haven't instilled fear or abandonment issues of any kind - its been 2 years, I would notice if I had. I haven't missed any milestones, and I assure you I do NOT miss the sleepless nights all my friends and family have gotten to enjoy with their children that don't know how to self soothe or sleep all night.

CIO does NOT mean put them in their crib and forget about them. And it doesn't neccessarily mean no comforting either! You can comfort and soothe while being firm on teaching them how to sleep through the night on their own.

gromalagraphics needs support and guidance, not being bashed on her choice. She has another post on here that reflects this is an ongoing problem and is starting to really cause problems (sleep deprivation in an older infant). I would certainly not tell you or any other mom that chooses to endure those sleepless nights not using a form of CIO that you are denying your child, why would you want to be so hard on gromalagraphics?? Kinda harsh.

[bearda93]

ra11en - I realize my reply was harsh. I understand she needs support. I guess I am just surprised that someone would come and sit down at their computer while their baby was "screaming louder than she ever heard him" scream to post an S.O.S. about how to help him. My first response was pick him up. That will help him. I don't pretend to be an advocate of CIO (as you can tell), and by the length of your reply whereby you make sure to spell out for me just how bonded you are to your DD, etc., it sounds like you are carrying around some guilt. Why the lengthy justification to me (a complete stranger - think about it) if not? I never implied that anyone had lesser of a bond by doing CIO. You took that assumption and ran with it. If CIO worked for you, that's terrific. I never said it *didn't* work.

I have 4 year old twins. I never did CIO with them. They sleep from 7:30P to 7:00A every night (unless they are sick), and have since they were 1 year old. So I don't buy that the only way to have good sleepers is by doing CIO. Did it suck that I never got hardly any sleep? You bet it did. Those first 9 months were some of the hardest I have ever gone through in my life. But it was only 9 short months and we made it through and I can feel secure in the knowledge that my babies never wondered why I left them screaming - because I never did. FWIW, your description of how you did CIO doesn't exactly sound like CIO. I cannot say what form the OP is using, I can only go by her post here, and it made me sad to think of her baby crying that hard.

[ra11en]

Definitely not guilt. The length of my post comes from pride actually, although I can see why a stranger on a message board could misconstrue. My DD started sleeping in long stretches around 9 weeks, and the CIO method we used didn't come into play until about 4 or 5 months when I decided she was ready to learn to self soothe. My friends and family have always expressed awe at our DD's healthy sleeping habits. We never wanted to use co-sleeping and we knew we needed to have a game plan in hand, so I did a lot of reading and talking with our pediatrician on timing. Sleepless nights are just par for the course when parenting, and to be honest I wouldn't trade her newborn nights for anything in the world. I look back on those and just smile. But when she was old enough (according to pediatrician) to sleep well, not only through the night but also to put herself back to sleep when she did wake, I wanted to use the best approach for not only us but her as well.

No, we didn't do strict CIO. I don't agree with that. But only because that didn't work for my DD. I'm sure it works for some parents. She went to 12 on the ricter scale if she saw me but I didn't comfort her by picking her up and rocking her with soothing words and love. So, that is what I did but in limited quantities, and I only went in her room on a timetable. But, we did have tears and crying. All in all, I'm extremely proud of how it we came through it. At almost 3 yrs old, we don't have any sleepless nights unless she is very sick and that is just a different situation completely. Nightmares are just a few minutes before she is back to sleep. Friends and family used to give us grief that we were never available for anything around DD's bedtime. Bedtime has always been a very strict routine, it isn't just a CIO mind frame that teaches healthy sleep habits. We have never wavered, and it has paid off big time. Those same friends that gave us grief can't believe that bed time is at 8:00 and at 8:10 she is asleep with no fuss until 7 am the next morning. Always.

And it isn't just bedtime, our DD is the same at nap time. We have a routine and she sleeps for 2-3 hours every day, no fuss no muss. It's good for her. Studies show how beneficial a good sleep schedule can be for children of all ages. Along with a healthy diet, it can make a world of difference!

No, I don't think the only way you can have healthy sleepers is with the CIO or variation of CIO method. Absolutely, depending on the children, other methods work. However, gromalagraphics has been experiencing more than just a difficult phase, and what she's been doing is no longer working. She was looking for advice on CIO after having already done other methods for quite some time. So, having done CIO successfully I offered advice. I just thought your post was more than a bit harsh. We aren't here to judge, we are here to support and offer experienced advice.

And you aren't a complete stranger, you're a fellow poster on this message board. A mother or father just like myself. :) As I would offer respect and support to my co-workers in my career setting (much less important of a job), I also offer any experience and respect to others that have undertaken the most important job there is - parenthood.

As for her sitting down at her computer when her baby was crying - I did that as well. Along with other coping mechanisms when needed. And they were all great instruments in reaching out to others that have gone through the same thing. I will never understand those parents that say having children means never a good night's sleep again, that doesn't have to be true! I just wanted to offer a should and an encouraging word to a mom in need. Regardless of her choices, which I happen to agree with although I don't know her child. She knows her baby, that's all I needed to offer a word or two to hopefully lighten the load.

Babies cry. Toddlers cry. Just because my DD wants something or is crying does NOT mean I give in. I learned a long time ago that I know best, she doesn't. She isn't supposed. I'm the parent. Crying to does NOT mean give in. And at 6 months old, a baby will wake / cry because of habit, not out of necessity.

BTW - congrats on twins. I'm a twin. Best of luck to you. :) My mom said it was one of the best experiences she has ever had, and so different from my siblings which are all singles. The bond between my twin and I is unbelievable, and my mom loved the ride. :) I couldn't imagine. We lost twins at almost 6 months in a pregancy, I was so excited and then devastated. Congrats to you and your family. Sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and they are very lucky.

See, all my posts are long. :)

[H.Starr]

I'm with bearda. The longest I could ever let my son cry is about two minutes. Tops. I don't see how it will teach him anything other than feelings of abandonment.
And he has slept 10-12 hours without a fight since he was six weeks old.
He's nine months now and only cries when he needs something, he's always been that way. Why would I let him cry and cry knowing he needed something?
I'm glad it "works" for some people, but I could never do it in a million years.
Maybe if he was older and was just crying because he didn't get candy at the store or something ridiculous like that, fine, cry about it then. But not as a baby. Not when he doesn't have the ability to say what he wants or needs in any other way.