5 Y.O. Cries when losing

[eapraco]

Hello,

I don't know if this is a big deal or not....

My son recently can not handle losing at all.

He will cry for the following reason:

1. When playing games (board games, team games, etc.) and loses
2. When playing tag and another kid catches him and tags him
3. and other similar competitive situations.

i'm trying to figure out what's going on and if i'm doing something wrong.
for example:

1. am i putting to much pressure on him to succeed
2. is his self-esteem too low
3. is he pressuring him-self too much

he used to be okay and say "some times you win, sometimes you lose"

we try to stress the fun of actually playing and that it's okay to lose, but he responds with "I want to win all the time"

any advice???

thanks!

[GreenPixie]

My friends really like to play board games but I am very completive and hate to lose. Playing a game was never any fun for me unless I won. Sensing this my husband suggested that we play cooperative board games instead. These are games where every player is trying to beat the game so everyone wins or every ones loses and the game wins. With everyone on the same team I was much more fun to play with, I could relax and enjoy the game and I could even tell other players what a good job they were doing. Such a big difference from the cranky competitor I was before. If you search for “Cooperative Board Games from Family Pastimes” on the internet you should be able to find some cooperative board games for kids. I have never tried these kid games myself but they look like fun. I don’t know if this will help him handle losing better but it might help put the emphasis on the fun of playing with others rather then winning.

[Casalinga]

Well he's 5 and sometimes 5 year olds are like this. I think you need to help him with this but don't be so hard on yourself. I'll bet it is just his personality and he will always be competitive.

I think kids really need to learn that you don't always win and how to be a gracious loser. I think if they don't learn this at an early age you will regret it.

It will just come with time. Remind him how good it feels to win and that he should be happy for his friends when they win and get to feel that way. I would say to him that being a bad loser is not good sportsmanship, and if he wants to continue to play, he must learn to be a good sport. Keep at it, remind him every time, and it will come. I can pretty much promise you it will! Good luck!

[myboysmom]

my cousin who is ten yr younger than me used to be this way. I remember him being younger and getting mad when he wasn't doing so well and yelling "I quit!" and then he would want to play again later. Well, I wouldn't let him play until the others had finished the game. He of course grew out of it eventually and LOVES to play board games, things like cranium, trivial pursuit, and we razz each other all the time over who is losing. So, like casalinga said, teach them to lose as a child, and I think they will grow into loving games.

[Casalinga]

I was telling a friend last night about this thread and she was telling me about a golf buddy of her husband's and how the group is about ready to tell him he can't golf with them anymore - because he is such a sore loser.

When he starts to lose, he starts to pout, and when he actually loses, he goes home in a huff. Nobody likes playing with him.

You really don't want to set your kid up for a life like that.

At 5, it's normal, but it is something you need to work to correct