View Full Version : How do you keep going????
04-13-2009, 08:19 PM
So after having 3 unplanned pregnancies resulting in 3 wonderful girls at a very young age my husband of 9 years and I recently found out we were expecting baby #4 last week.
Being older, financially stable, living in the suburbs and comfortable in good jobs we were very excited, maybe this would finally be the boy we've always wanted.
We told just a select few people had been to the OB, for blood work and scheduled an ultrasound. I was taking my vitamins and in just a few days eating much healthier than I had in awhile.
Around 5am on Saturday I woke up to spotting which progressed pretty rapidly and led us to the hospital at 8:30 am to find out I had miscarried. On Saturday I was sad but thought I was ok, by Sunday evening I was in tears and went on to have dreams of a baby boy Sunday night.
I cried on my way to work this morning, was mean to my co-workers and sat at my desk for most of the morning just staring before I could bring myself to do any work. By the time I got home this evening I was miserable all over again.
Part of me just wanted to get this all out to people who would understand and part of me wants to know how others coped until they could try again.
04-13-2009, 09:54 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss and hope that you can start to feel better and cope with it very soon. I also had a miscarriage about 2 months ago, I was 14 weeks so we had told alot of people and I had been to the ob and had my ultrasound, so it came as a real shock. I don't really have any advice for you on how to "get over it" (for lack of a better term - I don't know that you can ever completely get over this loss), but I can tell you that I know how you are feeling. When the dr. first told me I had miscarried, I think I was somewhat in shock and it didn't really hit me... until that night. for a week or two afterwards I would catch myself with my hand on my stomach and just think "I want my baby". I just focused on my son (he's only a year old, so that is not only easy to do but necessary) and reminded myself how blessed I am to have him. I still feel sad when I think about the baby I lost, but with a little time the sting went away. I hope all the best for you... maybe even that little boy in the future!
04-14-2009, 08:20 AM
I'm sorry for your loss. We too experienced a miscarriage about 2 years ago. You won't "get over it" and the first year will probably be the hardest. I had rough times around the due date, on the one year anniversary of the miscarriage, and when I got pregnant again I was always worried, and upset because I felt I should be having my third child, not my second. At first, I figured I would "get over it" quickly since we found out we were pregnant only a few days before I miscarried. Like RImommy said, I focused on my son (who was about 1 at the time) and tried to work through the feelings I was having. It's normal to feel guilt, shame, anger, loss, etc. Try to get some extra time for yourself for a while to come to terms with everything you are feeling, and just to get away from it all. For me, healing really began when I got to a point where I could name the baby we had lost. I hope this helps some.
04-14-2009, 07:03 PM
RImommy and eniese -
I just wanted to thank you for your posts its comforting to hear some of what I'm feeling from other people. It is reassuring to know that my feelings aren't as crazed as they seem.
Today was definitely a better day. Right now I am just taking it one day at a time and throwing myself into planning our oldest daughters 13th birthday. Keeping busy has been a great help.
Anyway - thanks again. The fact that you were willing to share your stories with me has been a big help.
05-19-2009, 01:40 PM
I had my first miscarriage in September 2008. I was 17 weeks pregnant, the baby was measured at about 13 weeks. I had a horrible pregnancy, there were many issues and complications. When we found out we lost our baby boy, it was devastating. I detest the 17th - 19th of ever month. On my due date, March 17th - St. Patrick's Day, it was horrible. I will never celebrate that day again in my life.
You can never really get over a miscarriage, you just get through each day little by little. I don't think it is wrong to still think about it, still grieve for you, your family and your baby. I cry, not everyday but I will say at least every other day. In the beginning months, I cried daily almost all day long it seemed like. It was miserable. I will always miss my baby boy, I miss him so much.
I am pregnant again now, only 8 weeks along. I am happy I am pregnant but I have mixed emotions about this pregnancy is going so well. I am glad my baby is safe but sad my first pregnancy was so rough on what would have been my first born.
Being a mom is a precious gift. I personally believe life begins at conception and the day I found out I was pregnant I was a mom. I do not have any physical children but I am still a mom. I have a son who is in a much better place, he is free of any pain and he is always with me. I will see him again one day, like all of us who have lost our babies. We will see our children again one day and I try to find comfort in knowing he is in a better place and I will see him again. I have another angel to look over me.
12-15-2009, 02:21 PM
just reading your post and the responces brings tears to my eyes even though my last miscarriage was almost two years ago. The saddness you feel is something i wish i could tell you would go away but it doesnt, it will always in some small way live in your heart but it does get easier, I've lost six babies and a little piece of my heart still aches for everyone of them. Focusing on your children can be very helpful or very painful, it is different for everyone, but dont be afraid to give your self a little time to mourn your loss as well. i wish i had something more helpful to tell you but there is no magic trick to carrying on, you just have to allow your self to feel sad and keep functioning as best you can, trusting that it will get easier with time
02-10-2011, 03:07 PM
You never forget I had a misscarrage 4 yrs ago. I was upset but relieved a little because I was not ready yet.. I was only 21..
05-14-2011, 04:40 PM
I have no children and as of Feb.17.2011 I had my 7th miscarriage. I can say that is is frustrating. It eases with time. I finally found a doctor that was sooo helpful. I learned that my left ovary has stopped producing eggs so I am limited. I guess what gets me through it is that there is a reason for everything. I don't know what the big picture is but I will be oven the moon when it happens. Good luck,
08-12-2011, 05:49 AM
My story is pretty similar. I only knew I was pregnant for two days before having my first miscarriage and I was absolutely crushed. My due date for this one and my second miscarriage and the one year anniversary for the first miscarriage (the second one is in a month) was extremely difficult. Now I'm 4 weeks pregnant and a wreck. I'm so afraid.
My way of coping is to look at my son. He always cheers me up when I make him giggle and we play our little games. I'm a college student so also throwing myself into school helps distract me from my losses.
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