View Full Version : feelings of guilt
04-01-2008, 11:55 PM
my only daughter and child lily will be turning one in just two days! I can't believe we've made it this far! as much as i am excited that my little baby is growing up and experiencing all the world has to offer, i am saddened at the thought that she's not my tiny little bundle of joy. she has her own personality and an independent streak a mile long. so now enters the thoughts of having another child in the future. if you would have asked me a few months ago if i wanted to have another child i probabley would have answered no quickly and said lily was all i needed and she is but then i start thinking that she needs a little brother or sister and it would be unfair of us to raise her alone. then the guilt sinks in that if we have another child that i won't be giving lily the attention and love that she needs. so what is a mom to do! i don't want to do anything to take away from her. since the day she was born she has been my whole world and would having another child send her world crashing down or make it better. if there is anyone else who has been through these thoughts and emotions i would like to know how you made your decisions on what do do.
04-02-2008, 12:17 PM
I am so glad someone else thinks like me!! Our first is not even born yet, soon though and my husband and I were on this same subject. It was brought up becuase I was telling my sister that I am saving EVERYTHING for either round two or for her. I am not sure where I am on this particular situation. I always wanted two children, being an identical twin and having someone with me at all times was the best in the world:) however, I am going to see how the first goes and then go from there. Ultimatley it is a decison only YOU can make, but I can see where you are coming from, becuase I was wondering the same thing. There are always pros and cons to everything. I am sure your daughter will adjust to another sibling, although it may take time, but like I said I have no experience YET! I hope this helps some or atleast eases your mind that I was wondering the same!
04-02-2008, 01:33 PM
While pregnant with my second son, who was just born 3 weeks ago, I feared "How could I Love this baby as much as son" But I do and you will too. It will not ruin her life to have a brother or sister, it will make it better. The first few days were awful because during time I was in the hospital my older son was sick and couldn't visit me and when we got home he was very disconnected from me and it wasn't just the two of us anymore. It made me sad and I cried but with in a week he was proud to tell everyone about his baby brother, help me with him (fetching diapers!), and loves to kiss his brother and talk to him. It has changed our relationship which was hard, but I think it's better for my son to experience life with a brother. He and I are as close as we were before but now he has learned that he can't always get what he wants when and how to be patient. He has also gained a friend for life, atleast I hope they will be close.
04-02-2008, 03:08 PM
My second son turned 2 yrs last november, and then I found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time. And let me tell you, our #2 is much more of a challenge than our first! In the beginning he was colicky for 3-4 weeks. Now he is so much more independent and stubborn and feisty! But I wouldn't send him back for anything. Whenever I see the two of them play together (Which isn't always, by far) it puts a giant smile on my face and my heart fills up, and I just think what good brothers they will be to each other and this 3rd boy we will have this summer.
So, not that one wouldn't be fine, or enough, but I wouldn't trade having 2 for anything, as much as I complain sometimes. :)
I have had pretty similar thoughts as you. My son is 18 months old and when I look back at pictures and especially videos of him as a little baby, it makes me sad that he's grown up so fast. I have also thought that just having him would be enough as I love him so much and he is my little "mama's boy". However, I definitely am not ready to finish raising a baby, and I miss that little baby stage so much that when I thought about how I could have another baby and do it all over again, it made me happy again. I also think it would be great for my son to grow up with a sibling and not be an only child. Well, I am now 7 weeks pregnant and looking forward to having another baby, but then another thought crept up in my mind...I love my son so much that it's still kind of hard for me to imagine loving another child just as much as my son. I'm sure that when my second one is born, I will automatically fall in love with him/her just like I did with my son. I'm also a little worried my son may be jealous of his new sib at first, but I am sure if I let him know how much I still love him, he'll adapt to having a new little sib he can play with and grow up with.
04-03-2008, 01:03 PM
I have 2 daughters, one will be 3 in May and the other is 8 months. As I am reading these posts I'm sitting here nodding my head and saying to myself "Yup, I know how she feels, I felt the same way".
And I wouldn't trade it for anything!. I think it is different with the second, but good different. You are a more experienced parent, and more confident in your abilities as a parent. You will wonder how you could love another child as much as your first, but you do. You will love the 2nd just as much as the first.
I was worried about jealously issues with my 1st as well, but we talked to her throughout the pregnancy and especially towards the end. We bought a book called "I'm a Big Sister" and read it to her closer to my due date. After we had my 2nd that was all she wanted to read for a while! When we brought her little sister home she was great with her. I engaged her by letting her help me out with little things like handing me the wipes, getting a diaper out or getting me a bib. She adores her little sister and now that my youngest is crawling and sitting up, she interacts with her even more and plays with her! It's so wonderful to see them interact and brings a big smile to my face.
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