Grandma is interfering with his eating!

[nursegina]

My son is 2 1/2 and i am very concerned about raising a child with good eating habits because mine were not very good growing up. I grew up eating what I wanted and when. My Mom doesn't like very many vegetables so she never made us try them. Until I was 18 I never even ate Brocolli, Cauliflower, etc. because my Mom always told me they were gross. As a result, I am over weight (although I am working very hard on that and being pregnant twice in 4 years hasn't helped) have signs of high BP and early Diabetes. I am 22! I am not excessively overweight, only about 20 lbs, but still. I put the food in my mouth, not her, but I learned very bad habits as a child. Until I met my husband I never ate whole wheat anything because my mother said it was nasty. No, it's very good infact! I also eat vegetables of all kinds now and enjoy healthy recipies very much! The problem is that my 2 1/2 year old son is learning her habits! She's a wonderful grandma and they love being together. I don't want to interfere with that but she is ruining his eating habits! She has given him Mountain Dew and candy at 9 am! She tells him brocolli, asparagus, etc. are "yucky" and now he won't eat them anymore! She laughs and thinks it's funny. She gives him sweets constantly. I have talked to her several times and she finally started making sure he ate a meal first but now she thinks that's a green light to fill him up with junk. Just because he eats his breakfast doesn't mean he needs a cupcake, 3 suckers, soda, and chocolate candy before lunch! She always says "I raised you and your fine" but I want to say "Not because of what you taught me, no I'm not fine!" but I don't want to hurt her feelings. My mother is very overweight and her portions are absolutely giant and I am afraid in addition to learning to eat junk and nothing healthy he is going to pick up per giant portion size habits too. I am concerned for my child. How can I allow him a close relationship with his grandmother who absolutely loves him but still avoid destroying his eating habits? They are already poor because she sneaks him stuff behind my back when I say no or she gives it to him and says 'Ask you Mommy" and then I get to be the bad guy all the time. Please give me some advice! I have tried talking to her until I am blue in the face and it has done nothing but upset us both!

[Littleape]

I am having the same problem but with my mother-in-law. My husband and I discussed it before our twins were born that they would not get sweets on a regular occassion. He is overweight and always trying to loss the extra pounds. I was lucky enough to get my daddy's metabolism and can eat most anything and don't have much problem. However, that being said, as a result I am now totally addicted to junk food which I know is not healthy. We are trying to use healthy alternatives; for example, my girls love to eat fruit just as much as candy. To them it is a their dessert, which is great. They do get sweets on special occassions (birthday parties, etc) and as a special treat if they have been really good for us. However my mother-in-law is constantly making fun of us about it and tells everyone how our daughters are deprived of the "joys of life". She used to sneak sweets when we weren't looking. My husband and I both have mentioned it to her, but it got to the point that we told her that if she could not respect us as parents enough to abide by the guidelines that we set up that she would not get to babysit the girls for us. My mother-in-law, no matter how often she sees her grandkids, would be lost without them. She has 8 grandkids and would see them everyday if she could. She didn't like this but decided that getting to spend that special time with our girls was worth more to her. She knows that my husband and I are very independent and would not let her watch them if she continued to go behind our backs on this. I would never not let her see them but she would just not get to watch them without us there. (I know this may sound harsh to some people but my husbands brother is 24 and is diabetic and they were afraid he was going to have a heart attack when he was 23 (he was about 400lbs). They told him that if he didn't lose some weight, they were going to recommend gastric bypass surgery or he may not live very long). She no longer sneaks them treats (except on the very rare occassion). Now if I could just get her to stop making a big deal about it to every one, I would be good! Guess I'll take what I can get.

[ra11en]

I say you need to stand up with your insight even if it hurts her feelings! In this day and age, we know just how harmful overfeeding and over indulgence can be to children! Look at our obesity rate! To me, it sounds like you have the right idea and your mother needs to get on board or get off the ride!

I was just as (and still am) concerned about my daughter's eating habits. And when I noticed my MIL (love her to death!) wasn't as concerned as I wanted her to be, I started taking over all the food I wanted my daughter to have and told my MIL not to waiver from the menu I have set up. Even now, after over a year of this, my MIL will tell me "Don't worry about bringing over food, I went shopping" and I always tell her "Oh that is so sweet and considerate of you, but I can't bring myself not to worry, sorry!" and I bring over her lunch, snacks, dinner, and breakfast. It has made a huge difference. And my MIL has learned to really rely on my menu. I even make sure to write down my daughter's eating schedule when I drop her off. It makes it easier on my MIL! I even take the juice I want my daughter to have - no sugar. And I just convince myself that my daughter isn't getting any junk food over there (even though in my heart of hearts I know she is). I am too concerned about teaching my daughter healthy eating habits to be too concerned about my wonderful MIL's feelings. Then again, I have one of the best MIL's in the world. :)

I think you have it all right! I don't worry about my weight, thanks to genetics. But my husband constantly battles his weight, so I knew it was something I would have to address with my MIL. My daughter would take a fresh banana over a processed sugary cookie any day, so I know I must be doing something right. The daycare workers have even remarked about what a good healthy eater she is. She has never had soda, or juice with sugar. I care too much for her to allow her to develop unhealthy eating habits that will plague her for the rest of her life.

Good luck to you!!