Talk to Life Coach Carley Knobloch

[Sasha at Parenting.com]

Welcome Carley Knobloch as our guest moderator on the Love Your New Mom Body Board this week only! Post your questions for her on this board and she'll do her best to respond. She’s here to whip your mindset into shape so you can begin to love your postpartum body and feel great.


Carley Knobloch is the founder of Mothercraft, a life coaching company that empowers moms to thrive in their personal lives, careers and relationships. She is a certified life coach, yoga instructor, author, workshop leader, business consultant and busy work-at-home mom. Through her successful life coaching practice, Carley supports mothers in their growth, development and fulfillment. Her nurturing parenting philosophy and relentless encouragement help her clients build the confidence they need to make lasting lifestyle changes. She lives inLos Angeleswith her husband Mike, her 7 year-old son Spencer, 4 year-old daughter Annie, and Jenny, the wonder puppy.


Join Carley for a special Teleclass entitled: "How To Adore Your New Mom Body" on April 3rd at 12p PST/ 3p EST! Visit http://www.mothercraftcoaching.com/teleclass/ (http://www.mothercraftcoaching.com/teleclass/) to register.

[ebmcevoy]

Hi, I'm having trouble since having my second child (7 month girl, 3 year old boy) finding myself. I feel so lost in my family, I don't even know who I am. I love almost every minute of being a mom and wife, but I need to find myself and don't know where to start.

[MandiMiller]

How do I get the motivation to work out? I am a stay at home mom so I can make the time but I just feel so unmotivated and I can't figure out why. I want to be excited about working out but it is more like a chore... what can I do?

[Hofmamma]

I am struggling so badly to lose this baby weight! I just dont know what to do! I eat a really healthy diet - mostly vegetarian - some lean meats and fish every once in a while but mostly beans, whole grains, fruits & veggies. I try to stay away from dairy, meat, and anything processed... I also try to drink about 3L of water a day. I exercise anywhere from 3-5x/wk and feel like I am in good shape - for example, I do the elliptical on the interval setting for 30-45 mins or walk at a fast pace for 3-5 miles... I have not done any weight training to this point...

Here is my major frustration - although, I have lost some weight (about 20 lbs right away while b-feeding and about 10 lbs max since then), I always seem to teeter totter on the scale - lose a few, gain a few, etc... Plus, I tried on the capris I wore 1 month after my son was born and they are barely even loose!!! And he is 11 mos old!!! How is this possible?

What am I doind wrong? Am I just destined to be fat? I need help - I hate my body - and am constantly having bad thoughts about myself - and cannot stand for my husband to see me naked!

Any advice???

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Hi ebmcevoy--

That very question thrills a life coach. Thrilled not because you're suffering, but because you're ASKING which means you're ready to make some changes and reclaim parts of yourself after giving so selflessly to your family. So many moms share your feelings of identity crisis after becoming a mom, and of course it doesn't mean that you don't love your kids madly. But "mom" is only one of the many facets of you, and it's time buff up some of the other ones and let them shine!

Here's a good place to start. Grab a pen, open a journal, and ask yourself the following questions:

"What did I love to do when I was a child?"
"What would I do if I had all the time in the world?"
"What was the best day of my life? The day I felt most like 'me'?"

These kinds of questions will awaken passions and memories in you that you have likely forgotten. The key is to take from the answers what inspires you at your core, and then try to take small steps to incorporate those things into your life. For example, if you loved painting as a child, or writing short stories, maybe it's time for an art class or creative writing course? Bringing elements into your life that support who you are at your core will bring back your spark-- and that benefits EVERYONE in your family, not just you!

Please post again if you have follow-up questions.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Hi Mandi--

Ugh, isn't that the million dollar question!? We are going to be discussing this very topic in great detail during the teleclass on friday (register below!), but here are a few places to get started:

1) Don't beat yourself up if you're not one of those people who just LOVES to exercise. I know those people... and god bless them, but I'm not one of them! Most people lack motivation to exercise, but bravo for seeking out ways to get yourself going!

2) You need community: Try finding friends who will set up regular dates to go for walks, attend classes, hit the gym or play sports. Trying to achieve this goal alone (ANY goal, for that matter!) is twice as hard. And lonely! Having friends to work out with makes it fun, social and adds the accountability you need to get off the couch.

3) Get creative: The treadmill makes me feel like a hampster, so I'm always tring to make working out fun. Try getting outside for a jog to the mailbox and back. Research cool workout classes in your area (ever heard of Anti-Gravity Yoga, Ballet Barre or Afrocardio Fusion?) or get involved on a sports team. Treat yourself to new workout videos or find an indoor rock climbing gym.

4) Don't get overwhelmed. Don't pile on too much at once or you'll feel defeated and head back to the Ben & Jerry's. Start with one 1/2 hour per week. Work your way up slowly and you'll feel great about yourself for accomplishing your goals.

[ysbailey]

Goodness where do I start. I am a 27 year old single mom. Before having my Stinkerdoodle I felt pretty good about myself, but now when I see my body I just get totally disgusted with myself. Everything seems to be loose, saggy, and just out of place. I try to focus on something I like... but at this point there isn't anything. I look at my baby and I smile, but deep inside, I still wish I looked like the old me. I can't stand to see myself nude, and if I do see myself, I have to fight back tears.

There has to be something I can do to get the old me back. I miss her.

[mommyroo]

My partner became abusive after I got pregnant, so I left shortly after having my son (now 6mo). Because of the way we had everything set up, I walked away with nothing except a few clothes and my son. Now I'm living back at home, trying to make ends meet by working crappy jobs (even though I have a degree, it doesn't seem to help here), and feeling very very lost and frustrated. I don't know how to go about putting my life back together, and I know I need to in order to be the best mom I can possibly be. I feel stuck, and stupid for thinking that I was in a great relationship.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Hi Hofmamma--

Don't let the pants bum you out. It sounds like you've lost at least 30 pounds since you wore those pants, and that's a huge accomplishment. So many moms are focused on the things they aren't doing, and never give respect to the things they ARE doing. So, don't let the pants become a symbol of your failure. Celebrate the amazing care you're taking of yourself through your great diet and exercise.

Without knowing what your weight goals are and how far away you are from them, I can already tell that your internal dialogue is pretty self-defeating, and it's going to be hard for you to reach your goals if you're putting yourself down. And I'm sure not letting your husband see you naked is not doing much for your relaitonship!

So, what to do?

If you're frustrated by a plateau you've hit, maybe invest in an appointment with a personal trainer or nutritionist who can help you tweak your diet or exercise regime to increase weight loss.

Also, try letting your husband in a little... allowing him to show you how much he loves your body-- the body that made him a beautiful baby-- will inspire you to rethink your negative ideas about it.

Here's what I know for sure, without even knowing you: You are a loving mother who is modeling great self-care habits for her children. You are a disciplined, beautiful person who deserves accolades for healthy eating and exercising while chasing after a toddler. And you deserve a supportive team around you who can help you reach your goals (include yourself on that team).

[motherhoodjubilee]

Hi Carly,
I have a cuddly, 13 month old who loves to climb (much like me!) I am pretty proud of what my body accomplished, even though I think the resultant stretch mark (think watermelon, not a few, LOTS) tummy is pretty ugly. Thankfully I live someplace that is cold most of the year, so the tummy is tucked away under layers! lol Before getting pregnant I spent 1 year getting into the best shape of my life, because I wanted to set myself up for an easy pregnancy. It worked. Although I gained an astonishing 70+ pounds I had no problems, not even back pain!

Now I'm struggling with how to find the resources to allow for me to get back into shape again. I know I need to make time, but I can't figure out how to make it happen. I work full time away from the house a 9hrx4 days + 4hrsx1 day schedule. My husband runs a successful ebay business out of our home and plays, teaches, cuddles, feeds etc. etc. our son while I'm away. As soon as I'm home and until munchkin goes to bed, I take care of him so my husband can get his work done. All weekend I'm it again, so hubby can do the work necessary to run the business. We need the income, so I don't know how to get time. He says he's willing to give me time, but I am worried that if I take it, it will be detrimental to our family.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Hi motherhoodjubilee--

There's nothing more detrimental to your family than a mom who isn't feeling her best, and since you underwent such great "training" for your pregnancy I'm sure you're well aware of how brain function, mood and happiness are affected by exercise. It seems like the only thing holding you back is YOU, and the mommy guilt that we all fall prey to sometimes. It also sounds like you have a loving, supportive husband who is willing to make the time investment in your well-being, so that should be your cue to do the same. Even if it's taking a 15 minute walk, it will energize and refresh you so that you can continue to take care of munchkin without resentment and frustration. Lastly, make it a game to come up with creative ways to squeeze exercise in. Going for long walks with baby is great (have you checked out strollerstrides.com?), but what about sit-ups while watching Baby Einstein, or even using baby as a dumbbell? Maybe you could make an appointment with a personal trainer that could help you design an at-home workout that needs no special equipment or heavy weights, then you could break it up and do pieces of it early in the morning, during the day, or at night. Just a few ideas to get your wheels turning! This mommy stuff is hard, and everyone feels the challenge of how to take care of themselves while they tend to the insatiable needs of their family, but I promise that when mom is in good shape, the rest of the family follows.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Mommyroo--

It sounds like you did a pretty brave and incredible thing, so I want to begin by honoring you for making some drastic changes in your life to protect yourself and your child.

Secondly, the more you can put out of your mind the negative self-talk ("I feel stupid"), the easier time you will have putting your life in gear and moving forward. When we get stuck in the past, we're unable to grow and process and heal. Whatever your challenges, however blindsided you were, it's time to look forward and not be hard on yourself for what transpired. The fact remains: You saw the problem and you left, an accomplishment that many others are unable to do.

Getting your life back together: Without knowing more personal information, I would get really clear on what your goals are and then determine your "next action steps". For example, if getting a different kind of job is your goal, what is the very next step you need to work towards that (ie. Writing your resume, compiling a list of leads, scheduling interviews). Sometimes the "getting my life together" mission seems overwhelming, and we become paralyzed by all there is to do. Focus on something small, tackle it, and move forward to the next "something small." If you work that way, I promise you your life will look very different in a year's time.

Be patient, be good to yourself, and know you're a great, courageous mommy.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

ysbailey--

If you join us on the call tomorrow (see information below), you'll hear me talking a lot about using new motherhood as an opportunity to learn a very valuable life lesson. Here's the secret: You are not your body. You are something more beautiful, more multi-faceted, deeper and more powerful than a pair of skinny legs and a set of flat abs. This lesson is not easy to learn in a culture that defines beauty as how closely you resemble a runway model or a teenager, but that doesn't mean that we should stay bound by this crazy standard that prevents us from really standing in our power as women.

I know it's hard to hear... motherhood is kind of like having the world's biggest band-aid ripped off in this arena... it's shocking how your body goes from firm to swollen to saggy... and we've all been there, looking in the mirror saying, "how did I get here?"

I promise you that, in time, you'll be able to see things with a slightly different (wiser?) perspective, and the urge to "go back" wont be as strong. You will broaden and deepen your own sense of identity to include your strength as a mother, and maybe even some other aspects of yourself that you've neglected by focusing only how you look.

Having said all that, of course it's great to work toward some goals for getting your body back in shape. Follow some of the advice I've shared in other posts about making small goals, and building exercise into your daily routine where you can. I wish you success and growth!

[ilovebabygirl]

Well I barely had my babygirl jan 9 well I get the blues when it comes to me looking at my body. Before pregnacy I was so small I was a size 0 so I got stretch marks like really bad. How do I cope with the fact that my husband still loves my stomach?

[Yvonnia]

I am a mom of 4. My first three children are 23, 14, and 11 years old. My 4th is 6 months old. Needless to say, my 4th baby was a complete surprise but I adore her and am so very happy to have her. The problem lies in the fact that I am older and this pregnancy took a toll on my body. I had gotten down to my goal weight about a year before my pregnancy but I gained quite a bit during my pregnancy, all in the front, and now my stomach looks like it could be a kangaroo pouch. I am also going to school part-time and I really don't have the time or energy to exercise. I feel so negative about myself, even though my husband tries to reassure me that he thinks I'm beautiful. Please tell me what I can do to lose this weight or to change my attitude about myself.

[ent3687]

I am a working mom, who has 6 children ranging from 9 years old to 1 year old! I am an owner of a 3 store business, and my husband is a long haul semi-truck driver. I know we all have a hard time finding time, motivation, and strength to accomplish the overcomming goal of getting healthy. The thing I think we all need to remember is if we don't get healthy, we might end up with other problems due to being over weight! Such as depression,food disorders, knee problems, etc.

Now don't get me wrong, I know what needs to be done, I know I need to adjust my thought process to have more of individual worth, I know I need to find the time, motivation, and strength to eat right and exercise! The hard part is the implementation of that thought!

What resources are out there to help us? Is there a program out there that isn't going to wipe out our pocket book? What can we do more of that we already do everyday, that will give us the exercise/time?

[carmenmilagros]

I am a mother of a beautiful 14 month daughter who is the light of my life. While I am so happy with being a mother, I'm in a whirlwind due to the fact that I am now fat and time seem to disappear before able to do anything.

I work full-time as a professor, 39. I live between to far away towns. During the weekday I live in my mother's home to only travel 40 minutes to my job. My mom takes care of my daughter- this has been a blessing.

During the weekends I travel two hours to where I have an apartment with my husband. And this has been my life since I got married four years ago.

This arrangement wasn't that bad, but now I feel exhausted and really down. And to top it off, the pounds I gained don't want to disappear. I have received not too great comments. And then, I see other who shed the pounds like magic in less than three months after pregnancy.

I try to be positive but my emotional weakness has been gaining weight. You see, years ago before marriage I jumped into 155 pounds. Through exercise and change of diet, I dropped down to 108, and when my husband met me I was 120 (5-4 height). But in pregnancy I balooned to 190, and now with struggle am in 152.8.

I dream of being thin again so my husband would see me like in the past and to feel proud to wear my jeans and my gypsy clothes which I have locked away.

It's been difficult but wish to achieve this goal and also have a normal marriage life without running from town to town.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

I just wanted to let you know that my guest hosting gig is over on this forum, but I will absolutely be answering all of the posted questions in the next few days. Hang in there!

[Carley at Mothercraft]

ilovebabygirl--

It sounds like you've got a great, supportive husband, but as we all know it doesn't matter if your husband thinks you have the flattest abs on the planet, YOU need to feel good about yourself. Remember that you JUST had your baby, and that it will take time for your stretch marks to fade and your stomach to settle down. This lesson will serve you well as a parent... you're no longer a part of the fast-paced world now, and patience is required for things once thought trivial, like getting out the door in the morning. Best to you!

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Yvonnia--
Let's take a minute and just honor the fact that you have a LOT going on right now! Moms beat themselves up about not being able to do everything, focusing on the 5% they're not accomplishing (becoming a physical goddess) and completely ignoring the 95% they ARE doing (super-human things like going to school, raising three kids and one surprise baby!). The most powerful thing you could do for yourself is start something I like to call a "Celebration Journal" where you acknowledge one or more things that you've accomplished each day. When you build up your own self-esteem about what you ARE doing, you'll be motivated to tackle more.
Regarding exercise: As I've recommended to most of the moms on the forum, if conventional exercise routines don't work right now (a 90-minute cardio class, a 1-hour run), try less conventional "sneaky" bits, like parking further away and power walking to your classes, or doing sit ups during TV time. Every little bit helps.

[Carley at Mothercraft]

ent3687--
Yes, we all know what needs to be done, but the challenge remains: how the heck do I motivate myself to do it?! A lot of what I just said to Yvonnia applies to you, you have a LOT going on now, so having a lot of time to exercise isn't going to be in the cards for you. But I think that what people forget is that a little bit is worth something too. If you can go for a nightly 20-minute walk with one of your older kids, keeping your pace at a clip and catching up on the days events, that's something valuable for your physical and emotional self. See if you can make that happen twice a week for 2 weeks, and then up it to three times for 2 weeks... then four... get the picture? And you can apply the same gradual ideas to your diet: try cutting out soda for two weeks, then cut out fruit juice... etc. It might not have a brand name or infomercial, but the act of making small changes and constantly looking for ways to make other small improvements is the "program" that you're looking for. Hope that helps!

[Carley at Mothercraft]

carmenmilagros-- I think that there are some lifestyle issues that need to be dealt with before you can begin to focus on your physical health... or, rather, will continue to negatively impact your physical health until you deal with them. And it sounds like you already know what they are. We all tend to underestimate the energy suck that is raising children: we love em, but they do require a lot of work! I know it might seem like a tall order, but it may be time to reevaluate your town-to-town lifestyle, which might have been okay before kids, but now might be putting strain on your marriage and wellbeing. I can hear how hard it is for you to carry the weight you can't lose, but perhaps freeing yourself of the burden of all the back-and-forth will free you up to tackle your own personal goals. Us moms need to make life as easy as possible for ourselves, not to beat ourselves up for not being "super-human".
Just a thought... and if you want to talk about it further, please email me at carley@mothercraftcoaching.com

[aprill85]

i have 5 kids. thier ages are 6,4,3,2, and 9 1/2 months. i really don't have the time or the umf to work outwork. what am i to do? aprill85

[Carley at Mothercraft]

carmenmilagros--

There are so many things that seem easy-- and even fun-- before we have kids that can break us down after. It seems like this is what's happening for you. The people who lose their pounds "like magic" (not really real, just your imagining) likely have a lot more time and a lot more mental energy to focus on this task, while you're trying to make a VERY demanding lifestyle work AND still be a great mom (an amazing accomplishment, and one you should honor yourself for pulling off for this long!)
It might be time to re-evaluate whether or not this lifestyle is really supporting you and your efforts to be the best mom and person you can be. I hear how hard it is for you to keep the weight on, and it might be time for you to make some lifestyle adjustments so that you can really focus on yourself, which really benefits the whole family (sounds cliche, but it's true).
Most of the work that I do with people is all about this: uncovering your true essence, establishing goals, determining priorities, and it might be a good exercise to really look at the town-to-town lifestyle and see if it supports your goals and priorities right now. If you ever want to talk, I'm here!

[Carley at Mothercraft]

Signing off, kids!

I'm all done hosting this forum. If you ever want to talk, email me at carley@mothercraftcoaching.com or signup for my newsletter at http://www.mothercraftcoaching.com to keep up with my events, articles and tips for the modern mom.

Thanks for having me!

Carley

[Willbearsmom]

that's what I get for not reading the whole forum!