overly emotional 10 year old girl

[momof3gals]

Im having huge frustations with my daughter and was looking for help/advise from others who may have dealt with this within their own family and if they were able to come up with way to overcome the problem. Just a little background, I have three daughters, 9,10 and 13. The 10 and 13 yr old butt heads quite often being that they are both 'leaders', where my youngest is most definetly a follower and doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings. She often gets put into the middle of the other sisters fights. My 10 yr old is not only very emotional but also very sensitive. The latest thing we are dealing with is her new response is is that we never believe her and never listen to her and never ground her older sister. The thing is is that when my 10 yr old gets mad, she yells, screams, cries, thinks the world is against her and we don't know how to respond. I have for a very long time chose to basically ignore her feeling that this was her way to get attention...the old saying of they will get attention any way they can get it. In conjuction with ignore the 'tantrums' I am sure to give her positive feedback when I see her sharing with others, being funny, being loving, being happy. When she does have a tantrum and it concludes, I talk with her about other ways she could have handled what happened....That I understand her older sister is also to blame for the way she herself feels because she (the 13 yr old) can be a huge instigator, knowing all the right buttons to push to make her sister crazy (mind you, I have also talked to my oldest about not pushing those buttons because I am sick and tired of listening to the fighting). I have explained to my 10 yr old that every time she gets angry, basically, her older sister 'wins'. I have used this in hopes that with being as competitive as my 10 yr old is, that it might give her incentive NOT to blow up everytime. So far nothing has helped and now I have begun to feel extrememly guilty thinking that maybe my 13 yr old has me snowed and tmy middle child isn't just making things up to support her claims. So....if anyone on this forum has dealt with this and has any advise, lord knows I can use it!!!! I will try anything!!! I will add though, that once she is sent to her room, after she calms down, she comes to me and sincerely apologises for blowing up which is a really great quality of hers :o)

[myboysmom]

I have not dealt with this. But it sounds like your 10 yr. old is just going to be one of those kinds of girls. My 4 1/2yr. old boy likes to be very dramatic, too. And he too, is very loving and understanding when he is done.

Have you tried not intervening at all? Try for 2-3 days telling the girls at the start of the day, "Any fights you have will be completely between you. I will not get involved." Maybe mention that if they want to spend their time at each other's throats and being mean, fine, but wouldn't it be better to spend that effort getting along? Then let them be. Just a thought, but I'm not there yet. :)
Good Luck!

[momof3gals]

I really like your idea and I will tell my girls this today. I am telling you, there has to be an answer somewhere and I am one that looks to others for advise. We can all learn from each other and those that are close minded and think they know it all make it so much harder on themselves. Thanks you sooo much for your adivce :o)

[myboysmom]

momof3gals, I know it's only been a few days, but I was just wondering how it's going around your house. We need to check in with each other so we all don't lose it, don't you think? :)

[momof3gals]

Hi myboysmom!
I told my husband about this great idea and I was shocked by his reply. He didn't like it. I couldnt understand his feelings becuase what we had been doing, as logical as it was, was NOT working. But I still informed the girls that afternoon about how things are going to be. AND SO FAR IT IS WORKING!!! In fact, this morning my 10 yr old and my 9 yr old started the beginning of an argument before school this morning, again about the pettiest thing. I spoke up and said, Remember girls, I am NOT getting involved. I do not want to hear your sides so you can just stop. AND THEY DID!!!! Wow!! So far so good. Thank you so much for your idea. As my kids grow, I have come across some amazing tricks that help lesson anger and tantrums and resistance, now I can add this to my bag of tricks!! Thank you thank you thank you :o) I totally agree, we all need each other to keep us sane during these times of frustration. Here's to us for trying to be the best parents we can be!!!!