5yr son "kissed" his friend's "pee-pee"

[love67]

Hi Everyone,
I desparately need some advice! My 5 (almost 6) year old son, Brandon, has a best friend, Adam, that is his same age. Over the past few months, we have found the two of them playing naked. We'd tried not to make too big a deal out of it, because we didn't want to negatively impact anything. We just told them to get dressed and that they were being "silly".


Recently, however, I found out from Adam's mom that Brandon "kissed and sucked [Adam's] pee-pee" on one of these occasions (this particular time, Adam was naked, but Brandon was still clothed). I have talked to Brandon (conversationally) about this already and he told me that Adam "wanted me to do it" and that he "made me do it".


Now, I know that Adam is always the one who has instigated the playing naked (my husband has heard him suggest it). And Adam is a fairly spoiled child who has said things like, "I am the boss of you", and "if you don't do [whatever], I'm not going to be your friend anymore" to Brandon to get his way, so I'm pretty sure that Brandon is telling the truth and that Adam pressured him into doing it.


My question is: What do I do now? I know either me or my husband need to talk to Brandon about this, but I don't want to scar him for life. This is such a touchy subject, he's still so young, and I don't want to say or do something wrong now that will develop into something he needs therapy for as an adult. Please help, any advice is greatly appreciated! Are there any books out there for his age group that might help?


Please let me know. Thanks in advance!

[cay8099]

I would seperate the boys. Adam's behavior is a sign of sexual abuse. He should not at the age of six be making his friends do these things. he should not even understand or know about these things. He is either being exposed to porn or is being sexually abused.

Simply explain to your son that these kinds of things are not something we do. No details just keep it short and sweet. Find him new friends for the time being and report Adam's situation to the proper authorities.

[atippit]

i completely agree with cay, you need to report it (since he may have done this to other boys) and also let adam's mother know.

separate them and let him know that that wasn't something a friend does so he knows that it isn't because of something /he/ did but because how adam treated him.

edited: you should start explaining to your son that that is a private area. towards this age they begin experimenting with themselves and objects, like pillows etc. they start 'feeling' things down there. i caught my son humping a pillow at five years old and had to explain to him that if he wanted to play with 'his little thing' then he had to do it in private because it was a private thing. he then started taking baths on his own.

there are a lot of kids who play around naked who giggle at each other, but what that boy did... cay's right, he wouldn't have known those things without having witnessed them or having had experienced it himself. which is very, very, sad.

just tell him he's getting older and becoming a big boy and bigger boys and men like daddy don't play naked with friends. something to that extent.

[love67]

Wow! Abuse is not something I had considered. Thanks so much for your insights, I appreciate the advice. I definitely feel better prepared now for how to handle the situation.


Thanks again!

[RachelG]

I would seperate the boys. Adam's behavior is a sign of sexual abuse. He should not at the age of six be making his friends do these things. he should not even understand or know about these things. He is either being exposed to porn or is being sexually abused.

Simply explain to your son that these kinds of things are not something we do. No details just keep it short and sweet. Find him new friends for the time being and report Adam's situation to the proper authorities.

+1
Could not agree more.