4 year old talks about another father

[nancyd0206]

My son talks about his, "Father", that he had when he was younger. He is not adopted and knows no other person than his dad. He talks about doing things with his father in a house that is the same as ours and everything occurs at the same house. It's kinda creepy because he'll just start talking about it. Should I be worried?

[mommy2b87]

It may be like an imaginary friend, I would go talk to a child psychiatrist if you have the option to.

[atippit]

when you say "knows no other person than his dad" do you mean that he is the biological father also or that he is the dad and hasn't known his father?

just curious.

[nancyd0206]

Sorry, I guess that wasn't very clear. Yes, his Dad is his biological father. We are married with a daughter who is 8 and our son is 4 1/2. He has been talking about "his father" quite a bit over the last few days. He has refered to "his Father" before, but not as frequent as he is now. And we also know that he is not just confusing the terms , Dad and Father. When he is talking to us regarding "his Father", he will specifically say he is not talking about his Dad. Another thing he did for a while when he was about 3, was that when he was upset, he would say "I want to go home". This would happen when we were at home. He did that on and off for about 6 months, but hasn't said it in at least a year. I'm not sure if that has any connection to the situation now.

[atippit]

i would really go see a counselor, that's really strange. the only time i'd ever heard anything like it was years ago i read a book on reincarnation and children being able to remember other lives at young ages and well that's all up to skepticism. just saying. i wouldn't say it's an imaginary friend considering the other aspects and the fact that the imaginary father doesn't just pop up when he's upset.

that's really a very unique strange mystery.

[APEMBERTON]

That is very strange , but it could be just an imaginary friend type thing! I would go & see a counselor if at all possible, just to make sure, but it doesn't sound like anything serious to me especially since he had the "I want to go home" episode when he was 3!! Some kids have a GREAT imagination!!! Good luck!!

[eldyahna]

I would say read up on reincarnation a bit and if you are still worried take him to a child psychologist. It may not be so uncommon as you may think...

[nancyd0206]

Thank you for the feedback. I wouldn't say that we are huge believers of reincarnation, but that was one of our firsts thoughts to where this may all be coming from. I have done a little research about it and I found that it can be somewhat common with kids up to 5-6 years old to have memories of a past life. He hasn't mentioned his "other father" for the last 2 days so we will probably see how often he mentions him over the next few weeks and if it persists, we'll take him to a child psychologist. Thanks again!

[MayMommy]

It might also be a developmental misunderstanding of past, present, and future. Perhaps he is confused on some level that the dad he remembers from past events is the same dad he has now?

I would say that a quick chat with a child psychologist (or even your pediatrician) might be a good place to start before you begin trying to discover if your baby boy used to be Napoleon or Ghandi. :)

[atippit]

oh, that is also a good explanation maymommy. that could very well be what it is.

[cay8099]

He may also be remembering dreams. Many kids this age have trouble distinguishing dreams from reality. My son used to wake up in the morning expecting for what he dreamt to be real.

[atippit]

aw cay, i used to do that and still vividly remember it. it was an extremely depressing experience. :(

[taraken]

So I am not a big believer in this...but my DH family is.... By any chance is it a family house? Did he have a grandfather that past away. The fact that he is using father instead of dad when that isn't commonly used in your family makes me wonder if he is referring to a grandfather. I don't really believe in this stuff, like I said....but my husbands grandmother had a house that a few family members had died in. One of his aunts was over there with foster children...and came out talking about Mikes grandfather and described him perfectly, even to his clothes. He was a foster child and never saw a picture. My husband also swears he saw him when he was in college in the same room. My BIL on the other hand swear he sees his grandma regularly. I am a skeptic..although I will say one night I woke up giving my husband a hard time cause the room smelled like cigarette smoke (neither of us smoke and our house is brand new and no one has ever smoked in it) He just put his blanket over his head and said it smelled like his grandmother and all of a sudden it went away. So maybe...

[Landon'sMommy]

My son is going through a similar thing with a "dad" imaginary friend. I posted about it on here in this section if you're interested in reading it. Keep us updated if you find anything else out about these imaginary dad friends our boys have!!

[Mikey_BKK]

Nancy, I wouldn't worry too much about that. It is not uncommon at all that kids have imaginary friends, why not a father?
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Albert Einstein wrote "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - and because of that, I try to teach my 4 year and 4 month old daughter to be as imaginative as possible. I almost expect my daughter to come up with something that will surprise me soon, and if it happens, then I will do what I have read that child psychiatrists recommend - try to be "friend with my daughter's imaginary friend" - bonding.
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I don't think that this sounds like developmental misunderstanding of past, present and future, it sounds to me like your son is developing normally, well even, and that he is in a period where he is using his imagination in a way that surprises his parents. Well, that's not a real surprise that kids do that, is it?
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Look at it from his perspective, in your eyes, it's creepy, what is it in his eyes? Mean? Creepy? Negative? No, it is something positive, for him, is it not?
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I don't think this is incarnation either. Nancy, it is your son's brain working as kids brains do. It will pass over in a while, use the opportunity to bond with him
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Michael
Father of Idea, the good idea :-)