Not in love anymore?

[mommy2b87]

My SO and I sat down and had a talk the other night and he said he's worried that I'm not in love with him anymore because I don't want to have sex, and I barely want to be touched. He sleeps in the living room most nights, while I take our DD into the bedroom. I reassured him that I do love him, but the more I think about it, I don't think I'm in love with him anymore.
I do love him, but I'm not in love with him. I don't know what to do. I feel bad that I feel this way, and I wish that I didn't. I'm so confused. I like sleeping alone more than I like him sleeping in the same bed. His touch aggravates me, and it's almost like I don't want to "feel" anymore. I love our DD, she's my whole world. I can feel for her, but no one else. :(

[twiceblessed]

If this is a relationship that you want to try and save and make better then I seriously recommend couples counseling. And based on your last sentence I strongly recommend individual counseling as well. The couples counseling may not work, especially if you are already committed to the idea of not being in a relationship, but it's worth a try. Out of curiosity, how old is your dd? If you had her recently you may be experiencing PPD, and if you are then you definitely need someone to talk to.

[Bec caV]

Out of curiosity, how old is your dd? If you had her recently you may be experiencing PPD, and if you are then you definitely need someone to talk to.

I was thinking the same thing. Hormones go wild after giving birth... for a long while. We spend 9 month adjusting to hormones only to have to do it all again.... *sighs*

Sex drive goes down big time from it all. Mothering instincts kick in and it's all about baby.

I would definitly do some soul searching, talk to a councilor, and keep communicating with your SO. It could just be hormones or you may not be in love anymore. But you don't seem to be willing to throw it all away yet, so keep working until you know for sure what is best for all of you.

Maybe try a romantic evening if you can get someone to watch the DD. If no one can watch her, try a romantic evening at home after she's asleep. See if that rekindles anything.

What ever happens, I hope that it works out well for you. *hugs*

[mommy2b87]

Thanks for all the advice. Yes I did get PPD, because I've struggled with depression for years, so I knew I wasn't going to breastfeed so that I could take the medications that help me. Now I'm on a lot of them, and still taking vitamins. I think I've just been resenting him for a long time. It feels like he's been using me for my inheritance. For example, we got a flat screen tv, a ps3, a wii, two brand new computers and a nice house we rent for over 1000 a month, and he still won't attempt to get a better job. I just don't know how much more talking to him about it I can take. I'm considering just not buying him anything anymore until he gets his act together. I'll buy food for dd and I, but I don't drink milk so why am i buying 7 gallons a week?? I think that's why I've been so upset with him. The whole money issue.
Last night he did start doing more around the house, which was nice. He's actually making an effort, so I'll give him that. But I'm about ready to tell him to get a second job. I've done it before, he could do it with ease. It's not his choice anymore. I'm fed up I guess. So I guess tonight is Talk Night again.

[Bec caV]

Hum... money... really the root of all evil.

I have to say if you feel he's only with you for your money, that would certainly make you wonder if you love him.

I would say no more grown up toys, heck I'd even take them away from him (I'm mean like that, though). Money won't last forever, and you shouldn't be giving him the good life on yours. My personal feelings are that when a baby comes into play, baby comes first in the money department. From the beginning of time that's the way it has been. Parents sacrifice for their children. And with the way the economy is going, better believe that money needs to keep coming in because who knows how long it will last.

I'm glad he started doing more around the house, that's a great first step. And yeah, talk to him, if he's going to be a consumer he needs to help pay for his consumption. It's so easy for us women to give to our men (I am so guilty of that!) and men to take, but both have to spend with in their income.
I'm one of those 'what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine' type, my husband and I got a joint bank account when we were still dating (just before we got engaged) because we were serious and living together. We don't have 'my money, your money' it's our money, but then we don't have an inheritance to deal with. But again, we kept in check (when I was working) as to how much we spent on ourselves. My husband had a toy fund for when he wanted to buy stuff for his computer he set aside from his check, I had a luxury allowance as I called it... for my little habits (like chocolate) that I would earmark each of my paychecks to pamper myself with. Then the basics... food we both ate, rent, bills, all came out of the combined incomes.
So maybe tell him if he wants to keep living as he is, he needs to pay for it.

[mommy2b87]

Oh I totally agree! I spend a lot on our daughter. She's spoiled already. Everytime I go out, which is either toys r us or walmart, she gets something new. She is my world. The only thing that he's bought for her...was her coming home outfit.
Budgeting has always been a problem with me, but I think I'm going to try again. We definately need to get some kind of money plan because mine is definately going quickly.

[Bec caV]

Budget.... definately do that.

Also, you said you're renting? I would look into buying a house. Now is a buyers market and if you can do a good down payment on a house that's not too pricey, you could save yourself money in the long run. We figured we could save at least $150 a month if we were paying a mortgage instead of rent. Don't go for a big pricey upscale neighborhood, but a nice little 3 bedroom somewhere might do you well. :)

[onlineclick]

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[cashonline]

Good day!

Im new to the site. really looking forward to meeting new people, seeing what they have to say and just really chilling on some social network other than facebook. bleh. like i said, i am me, now who are you?

thanks.