Attached to Mom Crying w/ Dad

[sherriann]

I have an almost 3 mo old. I have breastfeed him exclusively without success of getting him to take a bottle. I have not gone back to work and am with him constantly. I think that this may be contributing to my problem. In the last two weeks he is beginning to refuse to go to my husband willingly. I tried leave him with my husband to go out for a couple of hours after I had fed him and he screamed so much that I had to come home after 30 minutes. My husband tries to do what he can, and even as I write this my husband is trying to console our crying son. I know that I can quiet him almost instantly if I go to him and have read that I should go to him but friends and family say that he just needs to cry it out with my husband so that he realizes someone else is able to take care of him. I know that his basic needs are met but I am getting very frustated that I always have to be there. I love my son, but I need to be able to take a break.

Please give advice if you have experienced this or have any suggestions...it is breaking my heart to have him scream. I also want this worked out for my husband. I can't imagine how he must feel that his son screams with him constantly.

[fuzzy]

Well I went through this as well and I definitely know how your feeling! The thing I grew to realize was my financee was always tense and expecting him to freak out and I was apprehensive when giving my son to his father cause I was also expecting him to freak out! The thing that worked for us was #1..We started by not expecting the worse(being calm and confident) Babies and children feed on emotions right...?#2 When I was doing things my fiancee would come and be there even if he wasn't helping really at least my son got to see him being a part of it!..And when I knew that there was nothing I can do that daddy can't,I just left them and told him(daddy)only to call me when it was an emergency!As a stay at home mom,,I was starting to go "shack wacky"and needed the break!When I started to feel this way I knew that it had to change,This wasn't making me a better mom but,the opposite. I know it's not easy on either of you to do this but in my case it only took 3 times of leaving them for it to get better!
In the bottle situation, I can tell you not from experience but from others that it took a friend of mine to buy 4 different kind of bottles to find one that her daughter to take ( playtex with bags,nipples are brown) it! I think this one worked cause it's very much like a breast nipple.I have also seen that it takes someone else to start with the bottle instead of yourself cause he's so used to breastfeeding on you! Well I hope my advice can be some help to you!

[mamaof3]

My daughter is the same way! She is now 7 months. I always joke that if I can't do it with one hand or arm that I probably wont get it done. I just keep reminding myself that this stage goes by so quickly and pretty soon their gonna want down to explore and I will have to chase after her to get a hug. Hang in there!

[ShutterbugMommie]

My son was the same way. He has begun to love being with my husband now. I had to try 5 different bottles with my son (he love AVENT) and I had to have my husband introduce the bottle. My son would not take the bottle if I was holding him. Once we found a bottle that worked, I left milk for my husband and went out shopping. My son started his normal crying when he realized I was gone so my husband warmed up the bottle and gave it to him. It took 5 minutes but our son started to eat from the bottle and only a little. He realized that even though mommy wasn’t home, daddy could take care of him. He was still a mommy’s boy for a long time.

Some of the things I did were to wait by the door when I saw my husband pull in and hand our son to him right away when they were both awake and happy!!!

I would not rush to him if he started fussing or crying, I actually started leaving the room and letting the two of them work it out. If the crying went on for more than 10 minutes I would go and settle him down. (My son would start fussing and crying and then stop and look for me then start up again. This is when we realized he knew exactly what he was doing). A few times we just let him cry himself to sleep in his daddy’s arms.

I would even warm up bottles when I was home, give it to my husband and let him feed our son with me in the house. I would go in the other room and pump. This seemed to let him know his daddy can feed him and be there as well.

It took some time, but he slowly began to enjoy staying with my husband. After about a month I could leave them for a couple of hours for some Me time.

Now, he loves his daddy. He scoots over to him the second he comes home and my husband can console him if he falls or bumps his head. There are still times were our son is tired and hungry and he just wants me and nobody else, but he is responding to my husband more and more.

I know it’s hard, but the longer you let them cry it out together (it broke my heart as well) the better it gets. Start with 10 minutes and try to add on time from there.
These are a few things I did and they seemed to work out really well.

And don’t give up on the bottle - keep trying different brands, you will find one he likes eventually.