for stay at home moms...

[mom1931]

I have never been a stay at home mom till now. Its my personal decision and I have no regrets...I like it and enjoying this. I have a toddler and a baby!

May be its in my head or am just over exaggerating... I noticed my DH started being different to me sometimes.
I understand - he works all day and comes home and helps me with the kids while i make dinner for us. But by the time I clean/ set the dishwasher & get the bottles ready for the night feeds etc....i find my kids and DH asleep. I just cant find time to spend with my husband alone. Whole day I look forward to talk to my hub...listen to him...talk abt his day at work that day...etc. Sometimes I feel he is not interested/ too tired may be....else he would stay and wait for me :-(

Also, I started getting more of " I am working more hard and I am more tired" kinda attitude from him thats making me feel bad. I am a kinda person who doesn't like complaining.... unless something is really bothering me(like am sick and need help etc). I really pretend not to hear that kinda stuff and move on with my life. But sometimes I break up...feel like cant handle it anymore. And when I finally bring it up we end up arguing who is doing more in the house....and it always ends up with me feeling depressed and with no answer.

Then there are other times he would ask things like.."Oh God! Our house is so messy...what do u do all day " . I clean everyday and it gets messy every day. He does help..but if he does it..he makes it such huge deal (ah! Men I think )

He is a nice guy and I really really love him. May be am reading between the lines....may be the fault is with me...may be am misunderstanding. I want to know how you girls are doing things? Any kinda suggestions/ ideas are welcome.. I really want to make this work for my family .. thanks!!

[myboysmom]

I'm just in your position. It was just over 2 years ago when I decided to stay home with my toddler and my 2nd son was about to be born. I don't regret it (all the time). Yes, husbands can be very insensitive without realizing it. Mine doesn't get it until I have a major meltdown at him about twice a year. Maybe I shouldn't bottle it that long, but, like you, I don't like to complain too much. But sometimes, too, I think that as a SAHM, I feel guiltier than I need to. I started babysitting at home to help out financially some, but I think it's almost stressing me out more. (I'm 5 months pregnant) I don't think husbands realize that even though it looks like nothing has been done all day, You have been busy all day. My husband admits he couldn't do what I do everyday, but he still acts like a jerk sometimes. I just have to take a breath sometimes and decide that he does all this stuff for himself all the time, I get to do that sometimes too. Most of the time, he understands that. If he doesn't, I explain what I'm feeling and do it anyway. Because when it comes down to it, if you are a SAHM, the general welfare of your family is in your hands, and if you are too stressed or upset to handle it, the rest of it will soon fall apart. So don't let the guilt eat at you; it's not worth it.

[KilliansMommy]

I'm a SAHM for my 8 mon old son and my husband works 4 days and is gone from 4:30am til 7pm. My son is usually just put down for bed when he comes home, we eat dinner, watch a little tv, he takes a shower and we go to bed. It's tough cause of his hours. He has to wake up early so we go to bed early, but we always spend about 20 minutes in bed talking about our days. It helps to spoon each other while you sleep too. It makes you feel more bonded and close. That's just my little tip.

[jwellbrock]

This is my second year as a SAHM. My husband started to act differently at the beginning and my feelings were hurt. I then realized two major things... ONE: as the sole "bread winner" the stress that he was under to make sure that he was doing the best that he could, as well as the "what if" something happened to him thought that he was dealing with. We were more than able to make it from month to month with him working and me at home, but what if he got hurt, sick, etc? I didn't even think that he was worried about that until I had eaten him for lunch about the way he was treating me. TWO: I realized that I could spend my day cooking great meals, cleaning the house from top to bottom, and having everything look great when he walked in the door, BUT is that what I was staying home for? The whole reason WE decided to have me stay home was for the quality time that it would give OUR children with a parent. WE wanted me to be the primary caregiver not a babysitter. IF that was the real reason then it was against what we wanted if all I did was cook, clean and make things look great for him. My staying home wasn't for him, it was for our boys. After explaining that to him nicely, and giving him the choice of me going back to work (I knew he wouldn't take) he was more than understanding if there was a pile of laundry that didn't get put away. Another major thing that I did was plan a weekend trip with my sister-in-law. My mother-in-law was NOT allowed to come and help her sons, and we planned NOTHING for them for the weekend. We left for our "Mommies Weekend" just as they did everyday, without laying out breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Without doing laundry so that we had clothes to lay out for the kids to wear. We left no notes, no rules, NOTHING! It was only a small taste of what we do everyday. We came home to toys everywhere, children who had been fed a variety of things, but everyone was still living and we were appreciated for the day to day things that we do. My house may not always be clean, dinner may not always be on the table, and I may look horrible, but my kids have been loved, challenged, stimulated, read to, etc., and THAT is what I stayed home to do!!

[Momof4angels]

I am a SAHM also. I have 3 children and 1 on the way. My children are 11, 4 and 22 months. I am 30 weeks pregnant. I started staying at home about 2 months before my second child was born and have been home since. I also go to college. I have a degree in paralegal technology but I am trying to get a teaching degree now so I can be on the same schedule as my children when they all start to school. My husband works for us but sometimes it has been hard. However, the rewards of staying home with my children has far outweighed any other issues. My husband's mother is not well so we moved into her house, which contains an apartment for her, so we can all live together but separately. This helps him because he can take care of her and us. My husband is really wonderful because he helps with all of the house work. He never complains and is so wonderful. He lost his job in January of this year and hasn't been able to find another job. Luckily we have had our tax return money to live on but it is running out fast. The good thing about it is we have alot of time together and he has more time with his children.
Anyway, no matter the hardships sometimes I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I love being at home with my children and I love every minute of it.

[MommytoAydin]

I recently became a stay at home mom after I gave birth to my son 6 months ago. It was a really big adjustment for me. I love being the first one to see my son's firsts and always being there for him but it is a lot of work. My husband and I had to both adjust to my decision to stay at home, which meant my husband had to work longer hours to make up for the income that was lost from my side. It was very stressful but we finally got a night out to ourselves for the first time and had my mother babysit. We talked things through and were very open to each other. I suggest take a night out with your husband if you can, or even if the kids are in bed earlier...and just tell him how you really feel. Communicate how you guys feel and agree on some things. I hope that helps!

[mama22]

jwellbrock-Right on!

I stay home. When our first came along, I laid it all on the table for my husband. I am working at home, caring for our child. I am sustaining another human life from my own body. If I don't have time and/or feel like putting away your underwear, cooking for you, doing dishes, etc.-deal with it. (I probably put it a little more nicely :))
He grew up in a home like a museum where his mom did everything and literally told him that cooking and cleaning is women's work. (what is this little house on the prairie? good grief!) He was also bored and lonely as a child because neither parent ever did fun stuff with him. He wasn't even allowed to play in the living room where they were because his toys would make a mess. What a sad, screwed up set of priorities!

When my husband comes home and occasionally gives me a "look" after surveying the inevitable mess, I remind him that our kids are more important than the laundry. He very rarely even has an issue about anything because he knows from experience how kids crave time and attention.

My days are spent reading, painting, dancing, putting on puppet shows, and making animal noises. We wouldn't have it any other way. By the time my role of educator/entertainer is waning, the kids should be old enough for some serious cleanup chores. Perfect!

[arielalena07]

I Am Sahm (young18) For My Boyfriend And My 2 Baby Girls One 14months And The Other 4months. Well He Is Young To But He Works From 6:00-4:30pm Mon Through Sat So He Sleeps In The Living Room And I Sleep Our Room With The Girls.so He Com Home And I Have Dinner Ready And Takes A Shower And Then We Watchthe News And Then Go Tosleep I Usually Clean The House When The Oldr One Is Takin Her Nap. If I Had To Say Who Has The Hard Job It Would Have To Be Even To Me.my Advice Is To Do Everything Before He Comes Home That Way You Can Spend A Little Time Wih Him!well Good Luck

[momsword]

I am a SAHM too.. Its strange because when I was growing up I wanted to not become one of 'those' women.. I got a degree in political science, traveled the world, worked with 'high up' people in politics and then I got preggers and now I have a 7 month old. I love being a SAHM but at the same time I miss doing things (I also miss my body lol)

[janamac42]

I'm not a SAHM, I work full-time in an office for a small oil company because we can't afford for me to be a SAHM (you are all so lucky!), but I feel like I'm pretty much in the same boat with all of you as far as husbands goes. Aaron (my husband) also works full-time for a cable company and our 9 month old son Logan goes to an in-home daycare. Aaron seems to think that even though I work full-time, because it's an office job it doesn't really count and that I should still have to do all of the housework and take care of Logan while he gets to relax since he works so much harder than me. It really drives me crazy how he doesn't seem to understand that I need a break too. I've tried talking to him about it but it usually ends up either in an argument over who does more work or he'll just promise to help out more and that usually lasts about 2 days, then it's back to me doing everything. Once I even tried having Aaron go through one day doing everything that I usually do, cleaning the house, cooking and cleaning up dinner, and taking care of Logan. He didn't last three hours before he told me that he couldn't do it, and I think that little experiment did at least give Aaron an idea of how much work it really is to take care of a baby and a house, even if he did just go back to not really helping out much.

[gaigeaaron]

i was a sahm of a 14 mth old son and one more on the way up until 3 weeks ago. my ex was the same way all of your men are i.e. women home they clean...... we didnt get along a lot because of this. every time he would come home gaige would have coloring books out and toys all over the floor but i would have dinner ready to go and everyone was at least mostly dressed and in decent moods. that was never enough for him. the house could be spotless and he would find somehting to whine about you know laundry dishes not put away a spot on the stove somehting... i, like "myboysmom" didnt like to whine too much but being hormonal (prego 5 mths) you know how it is sometimes the smallest thing can set you off. well 3 weeks later (after 3 years sahm and 5 yr relationship) we are no longer together. of course there are a couple other factors (read all my husband wants to do is drink) that go along with this but one thing that i did learn was take a deep breath and walk away then go back with your explainations.... men are ignorant to the brutalities of staying at home with children especailly at certain ages where they get into everything they arent suppose to just b/c they know they arent suppose to get into them and learning to walk!! aaahhh lol

[gaigeaaron]

i was a sahm of a 14 mth old son and one more on the way up until 3 weeks ago. my ex was the same way all of your men are i.e. women home they clean...... we didnt get along a lot because of this. every time he would come home gaige would have coloring books out and toys all over the floor but i would have dinner ready to go and everyone was at least mostly dressed and in decent moods. that was never enough for him. the house could be spotless and he would find somehting to whine about you know laundry dishes not put away a spot on the stove somehting... i, like "myboysmom" didnt like to whine too much but being hormonal (prego 5 mths) you know how it is sometimes the smallest thing can set you off. well 3 weeks later (after 3 years sahm and 5 yr relationship) we are no longer together. of course there are a couple other factors (read all my husband wants to do is drink) that go along with this but one thing that i did learn was take a deep breath and walk away then go back with your explainations.... men are ignorant to the brutalities of staying at home with children especailly at certain ages where they get into everything they arent suppose to just b/c they know they arent suppose to get into them and learning to walk!! aaahhh lol

[mtnmommy]

I've been a SAHM for 3 1/2 yrs since the birth of my 1st child. Now I have, of course, a 3 yr old & a 18 mo old, and 1 on the way. My husband & I had some issues in the 1st 6 months of my staying home. We were both adjusting to having a baby, & really, a new life. He gave me a hard time about the messy house for awhile, but then he realized that I work just as hard most days as he does. It is not always easy to stay home & raise your kids. The constant cleaning, the mountain of constant laundry & dishes, the tantrums, the shopping, the cooking, and you need to fit in some learning & fun too!! I guess one thing I learned... if you really need time with your husband, either get a babysitter for date night or set a specific night (Sat or Sunday when he's not tired from work) when you can spend time alone after the kids go to sleep. If that doesn't work, get up early when he does. Your kids will be still be sleeping & you can spend a few intimate moments alone or chat with him over coffee. Remember, you can go back to bed or try to catch a nap with the kids. He will appreciate your effort & maybe make more effort on his end to reciprocate.
Good luck!