Totally ignores me

[ajbrownies]

I hate getting mad and raising my voice at my kids, but my 2-year-old just won't listen. She looks at me when I ask her to stop doing whatever it is and just keeps doing it, like she can't hear me. I know she isn't deaf but sometimes I wonder if she's already develped selective hearing. Any ideas? I will pull her away from whatever it is but she screams kicks and goes right back to it. I didn't think I raised a brat but sometimes I wonder what I am doing wrong!

[cay8099]

This is just that age. She will test you to see how serious you are. What can I get away with. This is when the masters of manipulation learn whether or not you are a push over, and how much they can truely get away with. Use times outs and such, follow through and stick with it. Good luck

[Kayleesmom]

I am having the same problem with my 21 month old. I feel like I am saying, No... Don't touch.... Leave it.... Off limits at least half the day. She is definitely testing me and I have become a master of distraction. I don't want to put her in time out for minor things, but when she keeps doing the same things over and over and over again I feel like I wish I knew of a new way to get through to her. So you are not alone!!! ;)

If anyone has any other suggestions for an extremely defiant toddler ajbrownies and I would love to hear them!!! Thanks :)

[KaileysMom]

Kayleesmom, my Kailey does the same thing and she's only 16 months old. All she does is smile at me and runs away. I don't like yelling at her b/c I feel so mean but even still she laughs...which in turn makes me laugh...causing another issue. I'm with you and ajbrownies...I'm open for suggestions, even though I know she's just testing the water. I really have to stop laughing at her. She's so funny but I know that if I laugh at her behavior then she'll think it's ok.

[cay8099]

You may need to try different things for discipline. If a raised voice, hand smacking or time outs don't work then you may need to use your imagination for discipline. My best advice is consistency. If he/she is not allowed to pull the wall paper off the walls today; don't let them get away with it tomorrow. This is really the only thing that will work in the long run. I can tell you that when my son was a toddler; no matter how many times I yelled, smacked hands, or sat him in time out he still would run over and start pulling the wall paper off of my walls the second I wasn't looking. This is truely just how they are at this age. It doesn't mean they are bad or don't listen. This is just when they are learning to listen. My nephew will be 2 in June, and my brother says that he is bad. I keep telling him that this is just the age. Enjoy this age because the third year is the worst.

[Kayleesmom]

Kayleesmom, my Kailey does the same thing and she's only 16 months old.

Thats funny, we have the same screen name!!! (aside from the spelling) What is your Kailey's middle name? Mine is Kaylee Rose.... Rose is after my grandmother who passed away. I haven't seen that spelling before though... great name!! :)

[SingingPraises]

Ahhh! This thread is exactly what I was looking for!!

Our daughter is almost three (in March), and our son is two weeks old tomorrow. Big sis is pushing mom and dad's buttons big time. Of course I am in the throes of the baby blues/hormone rollercoaster and recovering from a scheduled c-section, so I can't do as much with Rachael (big sis) as I could before.

I don't know what to do with her! She's really a great kid, but lately-like this morning, for example-just putting on socks and boots was near torture for her. I asked several times, "Honey, please put your socks on, ok?" "Please help daddy and I out" "Come on, big girl, you can put your socks on . . ." Finally ended up losing my temper and hollering, and forced her into her socks while she sobbed.
{I know it's not about socks, it's about following directions, but I'm not about to let my almost 3-year-old out of the house in near sub-zero temps without socks and boots on.}

Grr!!

Rachael is a really good kid, and I'm sure it's just that she's turning three and has a new sibling to compete with for our attention, but this is getting sooooo aggravating. Grr.

I guess I'm relieved to see that I'm not the only one with a sassy toddler to contend with!! Misery loves company?? :-P

Good luck to us all!

<>< Allie

[Jentro90]

I have 3 kids and they have all been totally different kinds of toddlers. I don't believe that a toddler who is less than 2 years of age knows what being defiant means. I think they are learning how to listen as someone mentioned earlier. Please, don't label your child as "bad", they are not "being bad", they just don't know how to be bad at this age. What I found is that what really helped was a time-out spot with a pillow to sit on or a blanket if it's on the floor, say in a corner that marks a spot not to get up off of or a chair. At first you are going to have to stay with them so that you can put them back in the spot about 20 times for 1 minute. (1 minute per year of age) and tell them why you put them there. I can't stress enough that you MUST do it every time they do the behavior that you don't want. It's going to be hard, but you have to be consistant. They will understand eventually. ALSO....... This is very important! I hate to use this term, but pick and choose your battles. Not that you are at war with your toddler, but if you are constantly saying no, no, stop that, etc., then you really need to consider making your house work with you and not against you. This means childproofing your home, use gates and playpens. Confine them to a safe area that they can play in so that you can relax and enjoy playing with your little one. At other people's houses, you will save yourself alot of stress if you just bring a playpen. If you haven't used one, then the best thing I can recommend is to make it a fun place for them and put a few of their favorite toys in there so they will be entertained. Set a time each day to put them in and let them play a few minutes at a time and gradually increase the length of time they are in there so that they won't mind staying in long enough for you to have some time to enjoy yourself at your relatives and friends houses. I hope very much that this helps you! Good luck and remember, it's no picnic for anyone! There is no such thing as a perfect child or parent, for that matter. Just hang in there, and never give up. As long as you're trying your best, you are doing the right thing.

[daniel18]

Hi,
This sounds like typical 2 and 3 year old behaviour and there are lots of ideas that can really help big time. One is as mentioned is to pick your fights,but that is easier said than done, don't you find, unless you know exactly which ones to pick. One easy way is to look at unwanted behaviours in 3 areas, one is childish behaviours, such as tantrums that need to be ignored, Two is dangerous behaviours which need to be stopped straight away and three is disobediant behaviours when a child does something you have asked them not too which are the ones that always need addressing. There is lots more info on this in my book 'A Parents guide to children's Behaviour', which you can get at www.childbehaviourdirects.com. please check it out if you are interested.

[forfun79]

I have the same problem with my 23 month old. I find if I tell her once and she doesn't listen I tell her twice and when I get up to go get her and smack a hand she stops. It is a testing stage and I hope how soon its over with cause my hair is turning gray!

[Fishman]

Here is a great article from Empowering Parents (http://www.empoweringparents.com) on What to do when your child ignores you (http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Respond-When-Your-Child-Ignores-You.php).