20 mo old constantly cries around me!

[aemorton]

I'm at my wits end. My 20-mo old son, whenever he is around me, contantly cries/screams/throws fits because he wants me to pick him up. He's a happy kid but for some reason if I'm not giving him 100% attention he starts acting up. I've tried everything: ignoring, screaming, spanking, turning my back, putting him in his room, etc. Nothing works. The peak of this behavior is after bringing him home from daycare. Once I set him down, the waterworks begin. Even if I sit down with him and play or read a book, he's only content if I'm holding him. Or if I put Elmo on TV. It gets my temper boiling and I don't know what to do anymore. He's not this way with others if I'm not around. Please help. I'm willing to try anything!!!

[eldyahna]

WOW does this sound familiar, my 18 month old boy does the same thing!!! I still haven't figured out how to get him to stop, Ive been starting to get him a little more involved in the chores though, like I put him on a chair to "help" do the dishes, etc and it helps some, but as soon as we're done and I put him down he cries. So I know the feeling and i feel for you, I hope someone has an answer!!!

[NaomiK]

Ok first you have to realize that at this age, they are battling between dependence and independence and they aren’t sure what they wanna do yet. First thing, do not give into his fits/crying because this shows him that that is what he is supposed to do to get his way. Another thing, try to pick 1 discipline technique and stick to it. If you change it constantly you may be confusing him.
Does he get enough sleep at daycare? That would be the first place to look. Also, spend some quality time with him everyday as soon as you get home and again before he goes to bed. Even if its 15 minutes. Read a book and sing songs or whatever. Then when the time is up tell him “ok Mommy has to go make dinner now” or whatever you are going to do and reassure him that you will play with him after. And be true to your word.
When my daughter throws fits etc, I completely ignore her. Do not let him see that you are upset. At this age they are looking for ANY kind of reaction. Good or bad. So don’t give him a reaction at all. He doesn’t do it to other because you are mommy! You are the center of his world and he couldn’t possibly love anyone more  Keep that in mind.

Ok so here is a scenario that I do with my daughter. I read a book and tell her “mommy has to go make dinner and we can read again before bed”. I say it very casually and calmly. I get up and walk to the kitchen. She fallows me every step of the way screaming at the top of her lungs with her hands in the air. I tell her “No ma’am that is not ok” also very calmly. And I continue with what I am doing. It took her a while to catch on but now she only cries for a minute or two and goes on about her way. Good luck!

[MommaC]

As annoyed as you are with the behavior, be sensitive to what he's telling you. He's missed you all day, and he wants some "mama love". He's too young to understand verbal explanations that you need space, that you need to get dinner on the table, that you'll love on him later. I don't think the punishing will help your cause either. My daughter frequently hangs on me while I'm trying to make dinner (mostly because she's tired or hungry...I'm at home all day, so she certainly shouldn't be missing me ;) ). If possible, I try to pick her up for a minute and talk to her and show her what I'm doing. Usually I'll try to distract her by giving her a kitchen utensil to play with or by asking her to find a toy ("Where's your monkey?" "Where's the tractor?"). If I can't pick her up, I try to give her a quick hug and tell her that Mommy's busy and will hold her later. I've also tried just holding her hand (also not always possible). Whatever the case may be, I definitely continue talking to her and interacting with her and sometimes singing with her. They don't understand that it's not time for cuddles; they just know they want some love. So give them whatever love you possibly can. Don't get mad or upset--it only heightens the emotional drama for both of you. Even if you can't acquiese, be sweet about it. Good luck!