View Full Version : loosing my cool need some tips
03-19-2008, 12:36 AM
ok i have a 3 and a half month old who is my everything the problem is for the past months between being colicy allergic to my breastmilk (that i fed him the whole time he's been alive up until recently)....and he co-sleeps and needs to be held all the time or screams ...is making me nuts ... i have cried and cried and then i caught myself screaming at him to his face ... ive done it like three times and i feel like i need to run away . now i would NEVER EVER hurt my child but i think i really scared him and i think i emotionally damanged him i havent done it since bc i realized i lost my cool and he doesnt understand me telling him to be quiet but i know my tone scared him and now im sick thinking ive screwed him up for life . i just cant take the co-sleeping& him not being able to be put down with out throwing a ear peircing scream at me ...and i ve tried letting him cry he will scream for up to 3 hours if someone doesnt pick him up and then makes himself sick form screaming can some one give me advice he is my first and i feel like im not who i used to be i feel like ive failed him as a parent and failed myself ...oh and is he suppost to still want to be fed in the middle of the night or is 3 1/2 months old too old for that ? any advice will help im sooo desperate and need to know what to do to become a better mommy for my lil angel
03-19-2008, 04:08 AM
Its ok most moms have felt different after a new baby, and no your not who you use to be your someone new your a MOM!!
heres my advise
1st when you need a moment take a moment put baby in crib or playpen and step outside breath, yell, scream its ok (Pillows work great)but do it away from baby, or when baby is crying and wont calm down open the door and look for birdies walk to the mail box and back sometimes the change of scenery and cool air is all you need to calm down for both mom and baby.
2nd if your not enjoying co-sleeping anymore than its time to stop I co-slept with both of my babies until my son was 2 and my daughter was 1 1/2(she squirmed alot) but once it started disturbing our sleeping it was time to stop now for my son it was much harder than with my daughter but for both I used the same method.
Start a night time routine feeding(yes I was still nursing), swaddle,reading a book, lay in crib, leave room wait 15min before re-entering the room. say "its time for night night" very sweatly, leave room wait 20min before re-entering the room repeat its time for "night night." repeat, repeat, repeat. As the week goes on wait longer before entering room to were by the end of the week your not entering at all and well baby is sleeping.Yeah!!!
The 1st night is HELL so I recommend doing it on a night when Mom or Dad wont have work the next day for your 1st night. and yes you, baby, and daddy will be very tired the next day use this to your advantage for the second night. It wont take long for baby to adjust.
The hardest part of parenting is getting over your own guilt that your some how harming your child because your teaching them to be More Independent! I still struggle with this it’s so hard to not give them what they want, but to instead give them what they need.
You can also play soft music as white noise which can be helpful.
If baby gets sick be sure to have clean sheets ready, go in and clean up. Re-feed if you feel so incline, lay back in bed and start over. It is tough and it will suck for a little while but soon you will all be getting a better night sleep.
And hey if it gets tough(and it will) and you need to vent we're here you can type out all those frustrations so when you’re calm again, you can be level headed and take parenting head on!
03-19-2008, 11:58 AM
I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. Being a new mom was one of the most difficult times in my life, so take comfort in knowing you are not alone.
First, 3 1/2 months is definitely not too old to be doing middle-of-the-night feedings. My oldest didn't stop those until he was almost a year -- and we made him stop! If your husband or partner can help you, try pumping some breastmilk for the baby so that you can have a break. It's good for both of you.
I seriously would not worry that you have scarred your baby for life by yelling at him once. It's not something you should make a habit of, but you have not permanently scarred him - I promise!
I would suggest talking to your doctor if these feelings persist because postpartum depression (and I'm not saying that is what's going on -- but it might be) is VERY common, and fortunately, very treatable. If you have even an incling of doubt, it is ok to get some help.
Also, make sure you try to leave the house once a day. Even if it is to go to the grocery store, or just for a walk - the air helps. And you might meet a mommy friend or two!
03-19-2008, 06:01 PM
thank you for your advice :)
03-19-2008, 06:01 PM
i am going to try all these new steps wish me luck
03-19-2008, 07:07 PM
I have to tell you I had a little bit of a similar experience,When your child is screaming bloody murder and there is nothing you can do you really start to feel inadquate!I know the feeling but Not all people will agree with me but Gripe Water saved my life! The stuff Is called KOLIK Gripe water Without Alcohol It's safe for newborns and It relieves pain discomfort from colic,upset stomach'cramps,hiccoughs and teething! If a friend of mine didn't recommend it to me i would of never known and it has saved me from banging my head off a brick wall when my son cried due to cramps! It might work for you! Sometimes I would only have to dip his suther in it and it would instantly calm him!
And My son started doing 10 at night to 6 in the am at 6 weeks old and I got to this stage by at 10 whether he was up or not i woke him up to feed him before I went to bed and It just went from there now he's 10 months and sleeps from 7:30 til 8:30 in the morning! Good luck and I hope you find what works for you!
03-19-2008, 09:44 PM
I feel your pain. I know exactly what you're going through. My daugher would only sleep with a hand on her face. She prefered mine. That was until she was about 6 months. It was so hard. I remember screaming at her one time, luckily she thought it was funny and calmed right down. Things will get better, hopefully soon. I think every new mom has felt just like you at some point. Everday may be hard, find some way to relax when baby does go to sleep. I do crossword puzzles, and I drink 22 grams of fat in one cup of hot chocolate every night.
Watch the Super Nanny, on TV. I learn a lot from that show. Get in touch with a mommy group in your neighborhood. Other mommies know what you're going through and can give you instant support. Pray for help. I hope the best for you and I know that it will get better and baby will never know that you screamed, unless you keep it up.
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