My 6 YO daughter doesn't socialize well

[glasgowgal4]

My daughter is an only child of divorced parents...she's a smart, warm super kid, who does very well in class, but at school during recess none of the kids in her class want to play with her because she likes to do things her own way and is not flexible about playing the other kids games in their way. We've tried play dates to develop social and networking skills, we've joined sports programs. Her teacher says she has excellent "leadership" qualities, but can see she's not a team player...my concern is she's becoming a bit of a loner, playing alone at school or wanting me to play with her constantly at home...which is fun, but she needs stimulation from kids her own age. She is strong willed and independant, but not stubborn or selfish, just likes to play games her way.

What can I do to help her...I'd like her to be more of a team player, be flexible and compromising...but without taking away her independance.

[Shanes mom]

I thought my son,7, was the only one who has a tought time with his peers.I like you would like some help with.
Shanes mom

[bunjab]

Our daughter is an only child. Last year, her teacher expressed concerns with her lack of socializing, and we put her into a lunch recess 'friendship group' spearheaded by the school counselor. It was good for her to be with kids and learn with them the 'idea' of friends, how to treat them, relate and express feelings. She still likes to play by herself during recess, however, she can now say she does have friends. I understand having a friend in school is a good way to help buffer kids from challenging issues/situations. Good luck.

[Learning_dad]

Hi

Try a heart-to-heart talk with her on why she needs to socialise. Listen to her views. Avoid responding or correcting her on the spot. Humorize her views and laugh about it. That's what I did to my eldest girl who is quite similiar to your girl. Learning should be fun and light-hearted too.

Some of the answers she gave were very 'typical' loner response:

1. I find them very 'lame' and 'shallow'
2. I can't see how they can add value to my life
3. I don't need them. I am quite happy by myself.

While her answers may not necessary be wrong, it is not complete in the sense that we need one another in life. So, I put questions in her thoughts in my response instead of telling this and that:

1. In a grp, if you should encounter problem, wouldn't you like your friends to be around?
2. And in the reverse, if you can encourage others, wouldn't you like your friends to be blessed by you?

Help her find her own answers through searching her own heart.

The underyling basis is to help her see the need to share, exchange, let go etc...
It is a regular thing I do with my girl even today.

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LD