View Full Version : Labor & Visitors! Need your opinions
03-18-2008, 07:01 PM
I love asking for everyones opinions since I am new to all of this so here goes. I want to know what you did or plan on doing about visitors when you are in labor. I am not sure yet...still taking one day at a time & making no promises :), but I am getting my "birth plan" ideas together and it got me thinking. I know for a fact that my hubby & sister are no doubt going to be in my room at ALL times. However..kind of torn about frieds and family. I definetley want just hubby and sister during delivery and prior to delivery, depending on how I am doing, but what about after? I was told that taking time with yourself, baby & hubby right after is really need.Is that a good idea? Do I tell everyone to wait for atleast an hour? Need advice please. I also figured that I am not going to call anyone until I am in active labor, like going to have to push, that way I won't have a mob of people around. Am I being realistic?
03-18-2008, 07:24 PM
First CONGRATS!! I just had my baby in Jan so, your plan to wait until active labor sounded like what I wanted. I had my hubby there and I was lucky enough to deliver in 26 mins so no one really had time to arrive and overwhelm me with visits, and I am thankful that he and I got to have the moment our son came into the world as something he and I will have just for us. I think that wanting your sister and husband in with you is very realistic, and you have every right to do as you please, it's your day.
03-18-2008, 07:38 PM
Think about it this way - you will be in pain, naked from below and not very good company. You will be busy with contractions and pushing. Tell everyone you want them to wait in waiting room or have the hospital staff/nurses tell them no visitors at this time. No one has to know who declined the guests. You should certianly decide before you get there since you may not be in any condition to be making choices. My hospital only allows two support persons (I had my baby daddy and my mom) and nothing else - after I delivered they were going to allow my Dad to come in but I told them to wait since the doc was still stitching me back up. Some friends delivered at places that allowed whoever you wanted but most of them kept it to hubby, mom or siter and maybe best friend. You are in charge and should not feel at all bad about telling them to wait! I am going to breastfeed my newborn when he arrives in 5 weeks but I want peace and quiet time to learn with my hurse and I don't feel bad telling my guests to get lost since it is very important those first few days. I dont want my guests to distract me or the baby and or guy friends to get a cheap thrill! I am not conservative about my body however child birth and breast feeding is not a perverted event for googly eyes! Your family and friends should respect your privacy and not insist on being included or be offended for being told to wait till your set up in a room! Besides it makes it more special for the two lucky people you did choose. Plus you have to consider how hands on some of those guests might be - they might step in the way of your sister or hubby and overall take over! I know my mom if given the chance would push anyone no matter who out of the way to get to me! She is a hand on kind of mom! No one can coach better! Hope this helps! Best Wishes
03-18-2008, 08:24 PM
I would say it of course depends on how you feel afterward, but say you have the baby in the morning, I would wait until afternoon to have visitors, and vice versa. I delivered both my boys at a hospital an hour away from home and relatives, and both boys came before 8am, so it was noon or after before anyone besides my mom came down anyway. It's definitely nice to just be with your baby and husband for a little bit, and take a little nap before the visitors come barreling in.:) If it's like my family and friends, you'll have over 20 people come to the hospital, especially with the first one. But if you explain to the first person you call after delivery what you want, maybe they could pass the message on for you.
03-19-2008, 02:48 PM
I think you've got the right idea and there is nothing wrong with what you want. When I had my daughter, my husband was the only person I wanted in the room and no visitors. Despite my MIL wanting to be there for the whole show. we did not even tell anyone I was in labour, we just waited until baby was born before we called family and friends. My husband told everyone to wait until we were home before visiting and to give us a call. the last thing i wanted was to be sitting there trying to figure out how to breastfeed and have visitors show up.
03-19-2008, 03:46 PM
Well it sounds like everything that I am deciding on is what others did to and seemed to have enjoyed their experience. Thanks again for the advise!
03-21-2008, 06:12 PM
One thing to note to your nurse/hospital staff...if you want family members to have updates, let them know that it is ok!
I stressed that no one was allowed in the room other than my hubby during and right after when I had my son. We then had the nurse get my daughter so we could have some family time.
Only after did I find out that because I had stressed no visitors, the nurse would not give any information to my mom (who had my daughter while I was in labor) and the staff was very snotty about the "no visitor" and no information thing. It was a long and tiring labor, so both my daughter and family were very worried.
03-23-2008, 09:44 AM
I am going to give birth to twins in June (if not before) and I too don't want a crowd in the delivery room. Babies need to nurse asap after birth and I don't want a bunch of onlookers there while I am trying to learn to breastfeed twins. I am goin to have my husband and maybe my mother in the room and that is it. All others can come and visit later in the day. This will allow time for me, the daddy and babies to rest before all visitors show up. The only thing I really worry about is that we have such a large family and of course everyone is going to want to hold the babies. I am not comfortable with that, but I will make sure everyone has washed/sanitized their hands and if they are sick, no baby holding. Luckily I am delivering in summer so there shouldn't be all the virus bugs going around like in the winter time. Remember, if you are not comfortable with something, speak up and just say, something like, "you know, I am a brand new mommy and don't feel comfortable with..." most people will respect your wishes.
03-23-2008, 02:37 PM
Congrats on your soon to be bundle of joy. I had tonsss of people calling and coming in and out and wanting to hold the baby and such. I think it's a great thing personally. My friends and family are extremely important to me. I had a c-section and I was little out of it at first but having all of these people holding my son and showing him love during his first few days of life was very special. He was just praised and loved nonstop by everyone and it was beautiful...and to think, people fought over changing his diaper!! I wish they still did! lol
03-25-2008, 12:48 AM
It's really your preference. When I had my son, my parents wanted to come into the room while I was in active labor. I was very adamant that no one but my husband be in there and he actually went out to the waiting room and told them to go home (they showed up unannounced)! I was not in the mood for any conversation. After I had the baby, my husband called my parents and his mom and they came to visit. But I still had an hour where it was just us and the baby. Also, as exciting as it will be, keep in mind when you deliver. Our son was born at 11pm and my husband was so excited, he called everyone on our list without looking at the time. Needless to say, he woke a few people up!
BTW, kudos on working on your birth plan but keep an open mind. I had a birth plan too but very few things were actually followed from it. You may just have to go with the flow.
03-25-2008, 06:41 PM
I didn't want anyone to even know I had gone into the hospital. I wanted to call people the day after the baby was born.
My husband wouldn't let me.
Thankfully I had an unscheduled c-section so I didn't have to hurt anyone's feelings and tell them to get out. Although I would have if need be. There are some things that are so precious that I don't want to experience with people scurrying around.
03-25-2008, 10:09 PM
You are def not out of line by wanting to call people later on. I had my fiance his mom, dad and sister in the room while I was in labor...and his mom, sister and dad wouldnt leave when I was being checked they stayed and didnt even really pay attention to me they were too fixed on the TV and talking about me like i wasnt even there, they were more of a burdon than anything.
The other thing is dont be too set on things, when you get there you may change your mind on somethings. Like who you want there and everything so this is not one of those things that you get a plan and stick to it. The other thing is right after I delivered since it was late evening everyone wanted to automatically come in and see and hold the baby so they could go home. That is def something I regret. I wished I would have had the time to let everything set in before letting people take my brand new bundle of joy away from me. But hey, its your plan you do what your heart tells you. Really the final decision will be up to you, when the time comes. Just make sure its what you want!
03-26-2008, 03:04 AM
i would definately take an hour for you the baby and hubby to all get acquainted. i just had a baby in december and we had no alone time at all as a family all that did was stress me out and make me upset(hormones helped) also if the hospital has designated nap times for new mommies use it. trust me it will make all the difference in the world. definately dont call people until you are in active labor that will help you focus on what you are there for. good luck on a healthy pregnancy and baby
03-26-2008, 03:03 PM
If you do decide on having visitors at ANY time since you do not know how you will really feel about the labor, delivery, and company the best idea that my hopsital gave to me about having visitors was a code word. The whole hospital labor staff used the same phrase, and if I had asked for the item (that the hospital didn't even have) then my husband and the nurse staff would know that I wanted/needed everyone out of the room. Check to see if your hopspital has this type of code. If not, come up with one on your own that only you and your husband know, but let your labor nurse in on the word/phrase too so that if you do say it then they know that it is time to get family and friends out. This way no feelings get hurt that you have to deal with for possibly years to come as long as the secret never gets out. Also, pushy families usually don't argue with staff. And remember it is ALWAYS your choice to have someone leave that you had thought you wanted if you change your mind for whatever reason.
03-28-2008, 12:17 AM
i was 18 when i had my daughter so i wanted my mom to be in the delivery room because i was nervous but i also i had my daughters father in there too. i had my daughter at 11:54 pm so no one else was there. everyone had to wait to see adriana until the next day so i didnt really have to deal with visitors at that moment.
03-29-2008, 06:36 AM
CONGRATS ON THE PREGNANCY!!!! I am not sure how your friends and family felt but mine chose to stay away because my family couldn't handle seeing me in pain. My friends just didn't want the mental picture :) It is up to you. I would really "play it by ear". You may not want everyone in there when the real labor starts. ALSO, by flexible on the birth plan. Mine went totally askew!! I ended up with a c section after 36 hours of labor. That was DEFINATELY not in the plan. GOOD LUCK :)
04-04-2008, 05:19 AM
I had way too many people in the labor room with me. My mom had to be there. But my boyfriend's mom is always the type to take over. My boyfriend called her and she rushed over to the hospital and brought his sister with too. I didn't want to upset anyone, but i didn't want them to be there either. There was too much going on and all i remember was faces everywhere. It was way too overwhelming. I am pregnant with my second one now. So, this time, my mom is going to be watching my daughter and my boyfriend and I will be the only ones in the labor room and we're not going to tell anyone anything until the baby is born. I would say 2 people is okay, and anymore than that, i'm not sure. I didn't like it.
04-04-2008, 07:22 PM
Like others have said, all up to you and what you want. It is about you, your SO, and your baby during that special time.
I knew I didn't want anyone else around when I was going through labor. It was so hard on my MIL who had been in the room with all her grandchildrens' births. My twin sister flew in for the labor and also wanted to be there. I refused to allow anyone but my husband in the room when I finally got down to delivery. And I made sure everyone knew it ahead of time so it wasn't a shock. However, even though she knew it, my dear MIL brought like 20 relatives with her to the hospital. I wouldn't budge on my decision, and they graciously accepted my decision. It was way too personal a time for me to bend to what others wanted, and I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. I know the next time (if there is one) I will do the same thing. I don't regret it a bit. I had a complicated pregnancy and birth, and it really helped to be able to relax at least that much, knowing no one but my husband was seeing me in all my undignified glory.
Know your birth plan, but prepared to change it as well. I almost had an emergency c-section which I didn't even prepare for mentally, so know that plans change. At least think about what you'll do if your plan changes.
Good luck and big congrats on the bundle of joy you're about to give birth to!!!
04-05-2008, 09:30 PM
The hospital where I delivered only let two people in the room during labor so I didn't have to worry abotu hurting in laws and family feelings. I just had the father in with me which was all I needed or wanted. When I walked around I would stop in the waiting room for a couple of minutes (mine was a long labor) So I could muster up enough pleasantness for those couple of minutes and be tired and cranky when it was just him and I.
04-16-2008, 06:58 PM
I'll never forget when I had my son. I thought it would be a good idea to have my entire family in the delivery room with me to share the experience. However, when I figured out that I would probably poop when pushing, I quickly changed my mind. There was just my boyfriend in the room with me. Honestly, I didn't want visitors at all until I got home, but my boyfriend's mom didn't get the memo and showed up the night I had the baby( I had him in the afternoon) and would not leave! Everyone else came and left after about 15 mins, but she camped out for hours! It was probably the worst experience I've ever had. Now that I'm pregnant again, we're not gonna let her know till I'm home! You do alot of hard work when having a baby, so you are entitled to rest and relaxation while in the hospital. Its all about what makes you happy and comfortable.
04-17-2008, 08:44 AM
Make sure everyone knows what you want.
When I had dd 5 years ago I didn't want anyone there but my dh and my friend...well on the day I went in to labor I had plans with and aunt from out of state. I had to call her and let her know I couldn't go out. She in turn called my dad and stepmother, who were fine with waiting till I called them to come...but my stepmother called my MIL to find out how everything was going...well the crazy(MIL) rushed to the hospital, I found out she was there right after DD was born, I almost jumped up out of bed...I was sooo mad. Well at this point I had dh call my father and everyone showed up. I was pretty beat up and had lost a lot of blood so I didn't fight it, but I was sooo not happy. This time a round it's going to be different:)
04-17-2008, 09:42 AM
When our son was born it was just Daddy in L&D, though my mom and the girls did come to visit...briefly.
You should have whoever YOU want to have with you, don't let anyone bully you into not having the people you want, or having someone you don't want, during your birth experience.
04-17-2008, 12:56 PM
I had no plan, I winged it. I wanted to see how I would feel. The first part of the labor was totally fine, so I was playing cards and had my whole family and my husbands in the room. Once the hard labor started I kicked everyone out! My mom wanted to be there in the delivery to bad so sad, Sorry. This was an amazing time for my husband and I to bond. Anyway it did however take a toll on my husband, seeing me in a lot of pain. So a few times he snuck out and someone eles can in to rub my back, I really didn't care at that point. But for the delivery I knew I wanted just me and my husband there. I have 2 sisters and so does my husband you invite one you have to invite all and soon it is a party where everyone is staring at you know what and seeing you in your worst state. This is how I feel though. The nurses were also very nice and told me that if I wanted them to leave they would kick them out for me. (and they did) Definatly don't let people pressure you into wanting to be in the room it is you that can call all the shots, because it is your delivery!
04-18-2008, 03:51 PM
I can definately relate to how you must feel when it does come down to labor and delivery. First thing first hopefully you have understanding family members and friends when it does come time to go to the hospital, and that they will accept your wishes and concerns throughout this whole process, and also that it may change during the process.What i've learned from my past experience is not everything came out as planned, and i am happy it did go the way it did. You may go in with all these expectations of having your hubby and sis with you in the delivery room, and end up with surrounding family members in the end...who knows. The thing to remember this is your time in the spot light the show should play out the way you feel most comfortable and they should hopefully respect your descisions.
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