View Full Version : should we wait or not?
01-11-2009, 11:58 PM
I am 23, been married for 3 years, hubby is 26. I have just finished my Master's degree, hubby will be done with his bachelor's at the end of this year. I really really want to have a baby!!! (I knew from 16 that I wanted to be a mom). We have been to many places, but we do not like clubs, drinking, etc.
I do plan on staying at home with a baby till he/she is 3 y.o (because i know how important it is for a child's development to be with his mom during those years...and i do not trust childcare). My profession is very demanding and i want to make a career eventually... with this economy, i have hard time finding a job (I'm in teaching), and I have a very bad feeling that i won't be able to land a job even for the next school year (hiring freeze)......
What do you think? Is it better to wait a few years, try to get a job, then take 3 years off... or just go ahead and have one next year, then when it's 3 y.o. start a career? Trying to have a job of my dreams and hopefully getting situated better, or baby first?
I know it's our decision, but i'd like to hear your ideas/advice (as I discussed it only with my hubby, other family memebers would say I'm crazy)
P.S. I definitely want to have a first baby max by age 26.
01-12-2009, 12:18 PM
if it were me i would say go for it! i had my first son at 23 and my hubby was 28, i just found out that im pregnant with #2, i would say start family now and career in 3yrs especially if its gonna take you a little while to get a job due to the hiring freeze!
and i was like you i LOVE kids and i always knew i wanted them!
it sounds like to me it would be the perfect time to have one, but thats just me and you are right in the end its your's and your hubbys decision!
Good Luck hope i helped some :)
01-12-2009, 12:40 PM
Thank you so much!!!!!
I'm just sooo afraid that if we decide to wait, it will be a waste of time...I've been trying to get ANY job in the school system (and in several states), but no luck at all! :( I mean there's no guarantees that I would find any job at all in the nearest couple of years...... 3 years may pass and we may be in no better situation than now (and still without a baby).
My main concern right now is getting a medical insurance for me.... other than that, I would love to have one soon :)
01-12-2009, 12:56 PM
i totally understand, and god forbid anything like this would happen but you might not get pregnant right away, some women it happens right away and others it takes awhile. Now i dont want to worry you im not here to do that, i just wanted to put that in the back of your mind.
i dont know what state you are in but im in Michigan and i know here they will help you with the cost and everything, and if its a big problem you could always check on state help, i never used it so i dont know how it works but i know people who have and they only have to pay a small % of the bill. so thats an option too!
But good Luck and keep us updated on what you decide.
01-12-2009, 03:14 PM
I agree w/ Keri .. I would start trying now!! We have been TTC for almost a year now w/ no luck.. so I hope that doesn't happen to you , but you never know!! My insurance won't pick up the maternity part until this June , but we are trying anyways & if in the meantime we do get preggo we will either use state stuff or if you google maternity insurance & pick that up until my current coverage kicks in!!!:) GOOD LUCK!!!
ps/ The state type insurance(medicare) is normally w/ new doctors who just got out of medical school(it is like their internship) so they don't have alot of experience, but they are full of up-to -date technology & they are fresh out of medical school!!!!
01-12-2009, 03:44 PM
My hubby doesn't want to start TTC right now :(. He suggested to wait till the end of this summer (then he'd have only 1 semester left till finishing his college).
I wanted to try to buy an insurance in advance... though we cannot afford to pay much for it right now. I guess i have 8 months for research )).
Oh, and I was also thinking about how hard it can be to get pregnant... my doctor recommended that i do not postpone having babies for too long....it took my grandparents 10 years to make my aunt :(
01-12-2009, 04:02 PM
WOW 10 yrs! thats a long time! i guess im not sure if its genetic on how long it takes women to get pregnant but i would seriously take that into consideration!
and with you hubby i would maybe talk to him and tell him that it might not happen right away that you think you guys should start trying. or maybe start in a month or 2, i wouldnt wait to long cause you do want to start your career at some point!
but i would still do research right now and hopefully your hubby will come around soon.
Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.
This is crazy, I'm going through pretty much the exact same thing right now. I'm 24, just finished my BS in biochemistry and have always felt I need to keep going until I have a steady career and not until then should I worry about babies. But recently, I have had baby fever which has been intensified by the difficulty of finding a job these days. My husband is 26 and in a well paying career right now so logistically it is feasible, not to mention he wants to have kids now, but I'm not positive yet. I know a baby changes everything and I'm afraid once I have one I'll be less motivated to get back into a career, especially if I haven't started one yet. The countering factor here is that I had ovarian cancer at 21, and lost an ovary; I feel like if I don't start trying soon I may lose any fertility I have left before I have a baby. It's an unwarranted fear, really, but it's very real for me.
At this point, We are actually planning on conceiving within the next few months, I'm hoping to have a job before then so that I'll have that career started at least. We were going to try this month but I "chickened out" last minute...I am off the pills though.
Anyway my thought is you should go for it, a teaching career can be picked up any time.
01-18-2009, 01:59 PM
I would get the insurance squared away and then go for it. Pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition. I would say go for it, then get a job after the three years. In this economy, it will be pretty hard to find a job anyway, might as well have the baby!
01-18-2009, 08:42 PM
we decided to wait till April :)) i just have to find an insurance asap :)))
01-19-2009, 08:11 AM
That is a good idea. It will be less financial stress on you if you have insurance arranged. Avoiding un-needed stress will probably help you get preggo quickier. :) Baby Dust!
01-19-2009, 12:55 PM
Congrats Tasha!!! I am excited for you!!!!
ps/ Don't get individual BC/BS b/c they won't cover any maternity for 1 year!!
Good Luck though!!! Only a couple of months until you start TTC!!
01-19-2009, 01:31 PM
YAY!! congrats! im excited for you! good luck and keep us updated on how things are going!
good luck with insurance! they can be a pain :p
Tons of baby dust your way!
01-19-2009, 04:44 PM
Hi, I'm 25. I've been married a little over a year. But I've been with my hubby for 8 years. Dated throughout highschool and now we are happily married. I finally bought my first home this passed August and now have a wonderful job. I've been a very patient person all my life. always took one day at a time. My Husband, Jonah asked me like three weeks ago if I would like to have our first child togather. I was astonished he wanted a child so soon. But a big part of me leaped to hear of his thoughts. I was filled with happiness, I've been on BC for like 7 years. I am just nervous coming off the pill. I've been of since 1/12/09. I hope I can reproduce. I'm just double guessing myself, did anyone else have trouble getting prego after coming of the pill, and how long would it take for you to get anormal cycle coming off the pill after being on it for so LONG??'
01-20-2009, 01:25 PM
If you have a degree that degree is not going anywhere. I would have children first.
In fact that is what I am doing. I went to college before I was married but have not used that knowledge yet. I won't be going to work until all my children are well adjusted in a full school day and even then I may start out slow with a part time job.
Sure you may not have everything, but trust me as long as you have the necessities for your child your love is all that the child will ever need. At those young ages the chances that they are going to understand you don't have a whole lot of money is... well they won't even be thinking about money. When I was young my parents didn't have much at all but I never knew until I hit about 4th grade and by then my mom used her degree to become a nurse. But she decided to have me first.
A lot of people in the world today will try to tell you that establishing your career is more important and children can always wait. I don't agree. I say my career will have to wait because I want to have my babies while I'm young enough to keep up with them. Family has and will always come over money. My husband makes a good amount. We are not rich but we have everything that we need and we are crazy happy just how we are. You will find the most joy in having kids then you will ever come across in your life. So whenever you hubby is ready, go ahead and have that baby! :)
01-20-2009, 03:28 PM
I'm excited. I'm thinking I'm gonna go for it. I think life is too short. I'm afraid that if I wait to long to have children I wont have my husband's family around (meaning his last living grandparents & my grandparents) so my children will not know any of them. On Top of all that I think your right my husband and I are well off enough to be happy. We aren't rich but we get by. We have a lovely home, family and friends. and now all we are missing is our own little one to call for us. I've been off the pill since 1/12/09. I'm taking folic everyday. Hopefully I'll have good news in the next 6 months. :] Gonna try to have a baby. I would love to have whatever god gives us. Thanks for your thoughts!
01-21-2009, 03:45 AM
No problem. I'm happy to help! :)
01-21-2009, 12:33 PM
I just wanted to quickly respond to Christina6067-
I was on the pill for seven or eight years. I went off the pill in July, decided to wait a couple more months before TTC. In October we tried for the first time and hit the jackpot. The baby is due in the end of July. I was really worried that being on the pill for so long would cause problems, but my doctor assured me that I didn't need to worry.
02-10-2009, 01:45 PM
I put my career first so that my future children will be provided for. At 23 I was in the same sitation, when I graduated my career prospects were awful so I packed up and moved to where I could find a job, my husband stayed behind while he finished school and moved afterwards. If I hadn't moved I can't imagine what kind of life I would have or how I could provide for children. I'm sure I would have been perfectly happy but I knew it wasn't the best I could do. My husband and I waited and we are now 26, in a few months we will be TTC (although something may already be in the works). My personal goal was to become super-me before becoming super-mom. In three years we managed to establish our careers, buy a home, buy 2 vehicles,travel, buy toys, volunteer, become better leaders, be more confident, we just took time to enjoy ourselves. I am so happy we waited because when we do become pregnant I won't have to worry about my career, I don't have to worry about finances, I don't have to worry about maternity leave. I just hope your decisions are not made our of fear. My husband and I also want children while we are young enough to enjoy them but life at 26 is acutally more active for us than it was at 23. The past three years have been so great, all our decisions are building to a great moment. We have a great relationship and are ready in every way to raise a child, looking back, we wouldn't have been ready at 23. I have taken the past 6 months as an opportunity to get to know my body and prepare it for pregnancy, eating right, visiting my doctor, exercising, etc. all stress free. And hey, if I missed the boat (cause 26 is soooo old, haha) I have the extra cash for any treatments I may need to assist in getting pregnant, or adoption. Rushing may ease your mind but it won't do any favours to your baby. Either way the decision is yours and I wish you luck. A baby at any age is motivation to become a better person.
Reflect on why you want to have a baby at this point in your life. What you can offer? How do you see your family in 5 years? If you are satisfied with your answer than you are ready.
For my husband and I, we want to give our children good opportunities in life, going to camp, taking them skiing, going on trips, sending them to university etc. Because I have waited I will be better prepared to do those things, I don't regret that at all. I have never feared that if I don't have children when I'm young I won't be able to at all. Fear is the worst thing. But please keep in mind that 1,2,3, or 4 years really isn't that long when you're 23.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.4 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.