View Full Version : He crys and it breaks my heart!
01-03-2009, 10:23 PM
I have been PEACEFULLY rocking my 23 month old son to sleep every night for the last 6 month and he goes to bed willingly after about 10 min of rocking. Plus it is a nice to time to bond. My husband is very opposed to this because he says it makes it harder for anyone else that may have to put him to bed occasionally. He only puts my son to bed if I am not home which is not very often. I started putting him in his crib and telling him it is sleepy time and then leaving the room, but he screams mommy and cries for about 5-10 min every time. This just breaks my heart because our bedtime was so peaceful. Should I ignore my husband and go back to rocking or is this a bad habit like he says?
01-04-2009, 11:23 PM
23 months old is an appropriate age for a toddler to be putting themselves asleep. You rock him because it comforts him and you as well but it is time to let him "Cry It Out" in the crib. The longer you wait the harder it will be!! I have a 2 year old daughter and I starting putting her to bed awake at 18 months old. I wish I had starting putting her to bed awake LONG before that. She has cried for 2 hours before because she was so dependent on me rocking her to sleep. It will be hard in the beginning but you will see that letting him cry himself to sleep will get easier and he will stop crying. It will break your heart (that is a sign of a good mom) but you have to be tough, stick with it and before you know it he will be going to bed all by himself. Good Luck!!
01-05-2009, 02:18 PM
Five to ten minutes isn't that long, but it feels like an eternity when the kid is crying for YOU and doesn't necessarily NEED to be crying. I wouldn't recommend completely disregarding your husband, but maybe try to reach some common ground. Is it that your son doesn't like to be rocked by anyone else, or that no one else wants to take the time to rock him? Could you guys agree to slowly back off the amount of time you spend rocking him in order to ease the transition? Cold turkey might be a bit much for him... Every couple days drop another minute off the time until you're just giving him a little snuggle before laying him down. If he needs the time and the contact, maybe you need to replace rocking with reading a bedtime book. Just some suggestions. Every family is different, and you need to find something that pleases all 3 of you. Good luck!
01-14-2009, 09:50 AM
You had it right in the first place...CIO is so wrong on so many levels. Go back to what you were doing. Check out Dr. Sears' website on attachment parenting, and read more on the anti CIO movement. My son is almost 2 1/2 and I still rock him before bed and go to him if he calls my name. It's just part of proper nurturing parenting. Enjoy this special time.
01-15-2009, 10:39 AM
I have to say first that I appreciate everyones methods and ideas and I think we should all have that respect for eachother. I do not appreciate being told that a certain method is "wrong". Thats all I will say about that.
Anyway to answer your question, CIO helps them learn independence. I rocked my daughter to sleep everynight until she was about 10 months. Than I did CIO. BUT I did not just take her to her room and put her in bed. Even now at 13 months, I rock her for as long as I can before she falls asleep, and I still put her in bed awake. I love rocking her and holding her and she is so peaceful. At this point, when I put her in bed she just rolls over and goes to sleep. She doesnt even turn around to watch me leave the room. Since we have done CIO she never wakes up at night and has learned that she CAN do things by herself and doesnt always need mommy to hold her hand.
CIO teaches them to fall asleep on their own and that is a very important life long lesson. I DO think you should still rock him for as long as you want as long as he doesnt fall asleep on you. Also, during this time he may need some extra love and attention during the day. In the morning, even though my daughter cant really understand, I always tell her how proud I am of her for sleeping all night. I tell her "thank you for being such a good girl for mommy" etc.
01-15-2009, 04:43 PM
I let my oldest cry it out ONCE because my husband thought I was being too easy on her and it about broke my heart too. Instead of letting her do it again, I invested in the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley (you can also look in your local library). I didn't do everything in the book (and didn't necessarily agree with all of it), but it definitely showed a different approach to getting our daughter to sleep in a routine that worked for ALL the members in our family (husband included). I also think it helped my husband to realize that I understood and heard his point of view about how to raise our daughter as well, and that I was really listening to him when I brought home the book and asked him to read it with me. We were able to come to a compromise and for us it worked well.
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