starting time out

[ldinsmore]

My 14 1/2 mo. old son does not like hearing the word NO, and when we try to Discipline him he starts to either cry or scream. What type of time out should I use for a 14 mo. old? Or how should I handle it?

[jaxon1015]

My son is also the same age and laughs when he hears no. We started using time outs about 2 months ago. There are really only 2 objects in our home that we DO NOT let him touch, for safety reasons, and when he learned what they were, he tested them...CONSTANTLY. Every time he walked by them, he'd touch them. How we started was when he touch the object, we'd pull his hand away and say No, at his level, firm yet not yelling. After 3 times, we'd progress to physically moving him from the object, still saying no and trying to redirect his attention. After 3 times of that, he'd officially be placed in time out. This was a chair that doesn't get used much in our living room. He would sit on my lap for one minute (oh yeah, he fought it!!), but the key is to be VERY consistant and persistant. The same process happened over and over every time his touched what he wasn't supposed to. Eventually, he got to know that it would get him in time out if he touched them. Most of the time he doesn't even think about it and will walk past them without a second thought. Once in a while, he'll test, but with the same firmness in our voices, he goes off to play and doesn't really try again. If he does, deja vu.

I hope this helps. Remember, keep up with it. No matter how many times you want to yank your hair out, it will work.

Good luck.

[Tricia S]

I have a 21 month old and she was the same way. I started with a 30 second time out. I made her stand or sit facing the corner and I had to stand behind her to make sure she did not move. I did not talk to her or show any attention until the end of the 30 seconds. It did not really work at first but after 3 times of time out for the same offense in say a 10 minute period she actually would stop. She now stops what she is doing wrong (usually) with the threat of time out. Being consitant really helped. Good luck!

[Keithsmom2]

I learned from a program called "Circle of Security" that time-ins are the most appropriate at this age. Time-Ins are when you sit with your child in your lap and say calming things to him/her, preferably while touching or rubbing her back,head or hands. Tell your child you love them and you will always be there when the world is large and confusing(using a calming voice). When a child is already out of control and frustrated, be forcefully seperated from you , her greatest desire, it's all the more anxiety producing. And therefore more fit and fighting will ensue.my son 3 1/2 now has greatly benefitted from this and rarely has a melt down now. Keith knows I'm not going to shove him away. It's a chance to calm us both down together.

[craftyashley]

With my girls they would get into a serious rage. So I put them in the exersaucer (so they couldn't escape) and we left them alone. We went to the other side of the room and let the kids calm down. They had to say "all done" in a calm voice before we would take them out, give them a hug and say I love you.
My theory is that they get on a runaway train of crying and just need time alone to regroup. We still do this sometimes when my two year olds get super cranky.

[parentof2kiddos]

Save "no!" for really serious safety threats. For minor things, try, "Not for Jackson" and move the child or object away. I say "Not for Jackson" in a calm, matter-of-fact way. Then, I'd immediately distract my child and/or replace the forbidden object with something approrpriate (i.e. exchange my important paper for a piece of junk mail he or she can play with). It gets their attention because you say their name, and they don't here "no" as much. (We started doing this when our kids were babies crawling around.)

This was great for our young toddlers because it wasn't as serious as "no!" (which we used for major issues) and our children learned that when mom or dad said "no!" that it was big time and we were serious. The bonus was that we didn't feel like we were saying "no" all the time.

I also usually breifly explained why it's not for them. I'd say, "Not for Hannah. That's mama's," when she tries to reach for iced tea. Even if my kids didn't understand it at an early age, it got us in the habit of explaining why we were saying something was off-limits/wrong so we kept up that habit now that they're preschoolers.

If you're saying "no" or "not for Hannah" over and over again for the same offense, consider eliminating the situation. Put the forbidden object behind closed doors, move things to higher shelves or cupboards. Use baby gates or shut doors to off-limit areas and baby proof everything. Keep your enviornment as child-friendly as possible so your toddler has the freedom to explore. That alone cut down on the number of "nos" we said.

If you sense that your child is going striaght to a dangerous object, you can try to avoid it by saying something like, "Not for Jackson... it's hot! Ouch!" and play up that your coffee cup/oven/curling iron was *really* hot. Don't assume this will replace babyproofing & vigilence, however. It's just one more tool in my parenting toolbox I use to help my kids understand why I'm saying "no."

We didn't use a true "time out" until 18 mo - 2 years... before that distracting and moving away from the object was good enough. Good luck!

[polk.sarah]

How about trying spanking? And NO it's NOT abusing for all those of you naysayers. That is what my parents used and what I use as a parent and I have zero regrets. I was and now have one of the most well behaved, respectful children. It's easier to "take a child to the bathroom for a swat on the butt" in public than it is to put them in "time out". You really can't put a child in time out in public, all parents that I know that use time out just threaten to use time out when they get home and by then the child has gotten away with the bad behavior.

Just a suggestion. Good luck and have a great day!

[nuevomama]

i have been using time outs for my daughter since she was able to crawl. depending where we are (in the house, someone else's home out and about etc) i would place her in a location with nothing to do (the corner, the bottom stair,on the park bench,etc) with me their by her side.you can do a time out anywhere!! it may be hard if you are in a store or restaurant, but it can be done. i have!! i do not wait until we get home because (depending on the child's age) they forgot what they did wrong and do not understand. another note... be sure they have NOTHING to do,eat, drink etc. for this period of time out you decide to give him/her. my daughter's time outs would last as long as her age in seconds (6 months-60 seconds,1 year one minute, etc) now we are upto 5 years old so her time outs are 5 minutes. SHE has always hated them.also... remember to warn her/him before the punishment. ie. i say "i have warned you twice, if i need to warn you again it will be the third time which means...time out." she 99% of the time stops.

[Genvyssa]

Sarah Polk: spanking to teach your child is an excuse to abuse your child. Don't be surprised if they hit other children at daycare or school because 'that's what mommy does to get her own way'. Do you 'spank' adults who do things you don't like? Are you in an abusive relationship? Were your parents abusive to YOU in this manner when you were a child? Try seeking help for your need to hit your child.
Because that's what spanking is. It's HITTING your child in a violent manner. What's next if their behaviour doesn't improve? A belt? A cane? Wait til you get really frustrated with them and that swat across the backside becomes a slap across their face.
All you are teaching your child is to lie about their behaviour later so you'll hit one of your other children instead of them.
Timeouts in public can be done (take their stroller somewhere quiet). You just need the patience to stop what you are doing and to concentrate on what your child needs at that moment.
Distract.
Explain.
Move.
Repeat as required. It's like new foods. You need to do it over and over until they understand.

[jaxon1015]

THANK YOU GENVYSSA! Thank you for your reaction to Polk. I'm sorry Polk, but I have to agree with Genvyssa. The fact that spanking is such a contraversial issue doesn't excuse the fact that hitting another human being is abuse. If you were to hit an adult for their behavior (whatever it may be), you'd have the cops at your door. Same with animals (cruelty)! Because this human being is your child doesn't exempt you from using patience, judgment and love to discipline your children. The effort isn't that more than spanking and you'll have better behaving children in the future. I think the fact that you have "well behaving children" now, is because you have instilled fear into them. I'm sorry for you and your children. Please seek some help.

[daniel18]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone has read this new E-book at called Parenting success from www.parentingsuccess.co.uk It is a fantastic guide on how to inprove childrens behaviour in a non hurtful way. It is full of tips on how to use time out, what age of child it is affective and how to do it. It also says that for very young children 'quiet time', is more effective when you remove your child from what they are doing for 1 minute for each year old they are, however the child is removed to a chair or floor area next or near to you in the same room. It's a brilliant book you might like to read it, it has worked wonders on my 2 children.

[polk.sarah]

Forums are about sharing and expressing opinions. Everyone has a right to it. Insulting myself and my family is uncalled for.

[polk.sarah]

And Jaxon, forums are for posting and sharing opinions. You are wrong to attack me and insult my children. Shame.

[tifflynn]

My parents spanked me many a time as a child. They never blew up and beat the crap out of me or my sister- no matter what we did. I do not spank my son and i dont plan to but spanking isnt abuse unless the parent makes it abuse. There are some parents that take it to that level and they do not deserve to have children. Im sure that that wasnt what Polk.sarah was suggesting. I am not 'fearful' of my parents. I respect them and think they raised me very well spanking and all. I think a parent has a right to choose if they spank their child or not. When you spank a child to discipline them you do not hurt them they may get upset but that is what happens most of the time when a child is discipline. It is not right to attack Polk.sarah for her opinion. It was just a suggestion.

[jaxon1015]

My apologies to anyone who was upset by my comment. In my career and as a mandated reporter, I see some terrible things to children. I was not trying to insult anyone, however, offer another view of how people see spanking. Like I stated, it's very controversial...so, in the future, please be careful when speaking about spanking in public venues...there could have been more comments similar to mine. Again, all apologies.

[polk.sarah]

Jaxon, you should apologize. What a role model you must be for your own children to attack an online forum poster. It doesn't matter that the issue is controversial. EVERYTHING is controversial is this day, have you not noticed? Again, forums are for posting all opinions, not just YOURS jaxon. You should be ashamed of the way you atttacked me and my family, and for saying that I need help. You think you are better because you are a reporter!? Let me tell you something jaxon, I am an active duty soldier and I have seen a lot more terrrible things that have happened to children in other countries than you have. Shame that one of the reasons I have to be separated from my family and sent to fight is so people like you can retain your freedom of speech that you take forgranted. Next time you have alone time with your children, cherish it and think of all those soldiers who are deployed right now, away from their families, and all those brave souls we have already lost in this war. Think before you post next time.

[jaxon1015]

Talk about attacking someone. I was apologizing for my comments, because I wasn't trying to attack or insult anyone or YOU, but again, offer other views. Like you said, it's for SHARING...so I shared. And, I applaude you for being a soldier and doing for the country that others, including me, can't. I never attacked your integrity or patriotism...just offered my "sharing thoughts" on time outs and spanking. Some people view spanking as abuse. That's all I was trying to get at. Let's drop the insults and post somewhere else.

[JenniferP]

my daughter is almost 13 months old. shes a great baby overall, but when she doesnt get her way she tends to hit me or my husband in the face. i dont know what to do because i try to put her in timeout, but she just doesnt understand. is there anything else i could to so she wont do it.

[NaomiK]

Wow....looks like the posts got way off topic of the original post. So I will comment on the original first :) My daughter is 13 months. I have been considering starting time out, but she has been pretty good about listening when I tell her no. So I cant say much about time out, but here is what I do... When she gets into something she isn’t supposed to, I tell her no and remove her from the object. After telling her no a couple times, I remove her from the room. I don’t leave her alone because she is only 13 months and no telling what she will get into lol. So I will take her into her room or something and distract her. She does pretty well with that so far. If she starts screaming or throwing a fit, I again tell her “No that is not ok”. And I walk away from her. I do not give her a reaction when she screams or throws fits because that’s what she wants. It has gotten so bad before to where I have put her in her crib until she stopped. That has only happened a couple times though. As far as spanking. I don’t do it, and don’t plan to do it. But I don’t judge those who do. Every family knows what works for them and what they are comfortable with. Its none of my business. I have, however, popped her on the butt or the hand. 1 pop. That’s it. I don’t think that is spanking and I only do that in very serious situations. Like if she starts messing with the outlets or something, and doesn’t respond to No or distraction. I keep my outlets covered of course but it is still dangerous.