Needing Desperate Help (Long)

[JennFlack22]

My daughter is 21 months old and is a bit developmentally behind. She was born a month premature and she spent an entire week in an incubator due to several health problems. As she progressed in age she started to slow down in developing; she didn't sit on her own until she was 9 months, she didn't start to really truely crawl until she was 12 months, she didn't start walking until she was 18 months and the worst of them all is she started on pureed foods and baby cereal just fine- 6 months but when it came time to "up-the-anty" and start her on semi-pureed foods THAT is when everything started going downhill for us all.

We didn't force her with the semi-pureed foods because she wouldn't chew it fully which would cause her to choke when she tried to swallow and then that in turn would make her vomit. We still fed her the pureed foods, whole milk and the baby cereal (she would eat about half a box per day!), everyday but from 8 months, everyday we started to notice her weight wasn't going anwywhere and soon she was in what our doctor's standards call the 10th and even the 5th percentile of "average weight". We saw doctor after doctor and they all blamed us but we were feeding our child like crazy!

Finally her weight went back to at least the 15th percentile and we were apologized to by our doctors because they realized that it HAD to be her own body's doing. What didn't help AT ALL was the fact (still is), that she is VERY VERY VERY stubborn! Things are her way or no way at all! This is the MOST subborn child any of us, our family or friends have EVER met! She does things when she wants to and ONLY when she wants to. That was the problem getting her to walk- she had so much fun crawling everytime we tried to get her to walk she would scream, flop on the floor and cry until we left her alone! Anyways, she eventually got onto solid foods but now we have encountered yet another problem that only seems to be getting worse and worse and SO stressfull for the lot of us! She is being VERY picky about her food AND it doesn't help that she has a fascination for playing with her food with utensils but will NOT feed herself unless it is food she likes and unless she can use her hands.

This is where it gets complicated. Because we had tons of healthcare professionals at us about her weight, blaming us, etc.; we started letting her have whatever she wanted. Yes, you guessed it- chocolate, chips and cookies. We fed her what we could but we also gave her the "bad stuff." We have been reprimanded by a few family members and friends regarding this but I tell everyone the same thing; if they have gone through what we have gone through regarding our child's weight and eating habbits then they wouldn't nag! So hopefully I won't hear any complaints from anyone else. :( She detests on eating cookies but she adores the oreo, fudgio and chips ahoy thinsations. She doesn't eat MUCH chips but she eats them. Chocolate is her main thing. This isn't where the problem started though. Most of you will be thinking that she is a picky eater because she only wants chocolate- not true. She was a picky eater before we started her on chocolate but back then it was easy to handle, easy to work with, easy to work around. We made things work for her but now...it has gotten bad.

She won't eat ANYTHING! She is usually ok to eat her breakfast which is usually either eggs and toast or oatmeal. We started putting 1/2 of the children's multivitamins into her breakfast along with 2 of the VERY SMALL fish oil pills (to help brain development), since she is being SO picky now! Lately though she has started to only eat half of her breakfast and then we have to literally fight the rest into her. We fight with her because we KNOW she won't eat anything else during the day! She has NEVER been a lunch child. She always wanted breakfast, snacks then dinner. If we manage to get lunch into her then dinner is a no-go that day. We have tried everything to fix that with no luck but we were told by healthcare professionals that it is ok as long as she has snacks set out for her so she is allowed to graze between the 2 main meals. The last couple of weeks dinner has been an absolute no go, even us trying to force her to eat has made things go downhill for her faster. She won't eat it but she wants to play with the utensils. At 6 months when we started her on purees she was able to actually feed herself! But it seems she is either fooling us or she just forgot because she plays with the utensils and just either smacks the food, shuvs it around OR she puts it in her mouth upside down which means she gets NOTHING. We try to show her how to do it properly and we get smacked, she screams at us and swats everything away until we let her have the utensil back so she can do what she wants.

The minute we say chocolate her mouth is wide open. Now, I have already tried mixing some foods with chocolate pudding, chocolate in general, etc. Whatever foods I COULD mix with chocolate (whether it tasted ok to me or not!), I did it but that doesn't get her to eat it AT ALL! We have tried taking the chocolate away completely as requested by a professional and we were told not to give her ANY chocolate even if she didn't eat anything. Well a day and a half was MORE than long enough for me to say "screw you" to the professional. She is tiny for her age and it doesn't help that she is having developmental issues. She is coming along but now the food thing seems to be SUCH a huge problem and we can't get in to see her pediatrician for another month and our family doctor isn't the greatest at giving advice with kids our daughter's age we have heard so we are not rushing there. We have been forced to hold her hands together (gently but not so loose that she can yank her hands away), to try to get her to open her mouth but she just won't do it now. Plus- we don't want to do stuff like that because it may scare her out of eating. I have tried leaving pieces of our meals laying on the coffee table (on a plate of course), for her but she will not eat it. She may take 1 bite but that's it. There are some things she is ok to eat a few bites of AFTER we fight with her to at least try it- chicken bites/strips, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, etc. But no vegetables really, nothing big. Turkey, beef, potatoes, etc. Fries she has completely lost all want for too.

We are hoping someone out there can give us some tips or tricks to try with her or even share their similar stories with us. The thing is- it is NOT helping that she is slow to develop and it doesn't help that she is already a thiny child. We can't afford to have her not eat because it makes me sick seeing her not eat anything and I detest on trying something like that again. Won't do it and any mother out there knows what I am talking about- you want to see your child happy and healthy and eating keeps them healthy. She is VERY active and could care less about food which REALLY doesn't help either. Knowing all of this information again- I am hoping that someone out there can help us. We want to get her on the track to eating and then we will work on healthy eating but she won't try new things, she won't even eat the old stuff she used to like! Very rare for her to eat dinner now without us having to force some bites into her and everything can't be finger foods, especially since if she will eat chicken bites/strips she HAS to have it dipped in ketchup or honey which of course- gets messy as heck! All over the furniture, her clothes, her face, in her hair, all over us, etc. She detests on sitting in her highchair or a booster seat and so we are just running out of options. She is SO picky/bossy and we just want to know how we can work with her on this. Please someone help.

Thanks SO much for your time! It is greatly greatly appreciated! :)

[Saphira]

I dunno... I think taking the chocolate away was a good idea. No child would really just let themselves starve to death... I think she needs to be eating healthy, or else her developmental everything will be a little off. She needs her veggies and proteins. Just cuz she's actually eating [chocolate] doesn't mean she's getting ANY nutritional value. And from the sounds of it... eggs and oatmeal is about the only thing going in that's a healthy diet for her.

And did you say you introduced these foods at 6mos? Cuz if so... isn't that a little early to introduce a complete meal of solid foods? Cuz I thought it was that you introduce little things like gerber baby food or oatmeal with bottles of milk.

I am no expert at this, so I can't really help you. But I think that the chocolate is a little bit... bad.

And also with the highchair thing, so what if she throws a fit? Sit the little booger in there until she stops throwing a temper tantrum. Then introduce the food. Cuz if she will eat finger foods, then she should eat finger foods. It's better than chocolate!

And also, do you do any kind of hand tapping when she throws her forks/spoons around? Cuz I think you should. Tell her a firm no, let her no it's NOT acceptable, and maybe slap the back of her hand. And no, I don't mean HARD, but you know, a little bit to let her know you mean business. The problem is is that her whole everything has progressed to a stage where her behavior is acceptable. She's at that age where she's testing you guys, testing boundaries and testing what she can and cannot do. In her mind it's like this, "Oh, so if I cry and refuse to eat all this icky stuff... I get chocolate!" Or "Oh, so if I cry and throw these metal/plastic things around, I get out of eating in my high chair. I get it now!"

You need to be firm. Your parents. It won't hurt her if you tap the back of her hands with your hand. I mean, I got my butt busted for doing the things she did, at the age of five of course. But apparently she needs to learn who is boss, or else you're gonna have one hell of a teenager.

[Again, I don't know much on this subject... I was just expressing my opinion. I'd buy into what one of the experienced mothers has to say. I am still a first time mom, and baby is still on the inside. Hope you get her back on track!]

[craftyashley]

15% is not excessively thin! Our girls were preemies- and they are firmly in the bottom 5% They are small, but I try not to worry about it. We do give them extra fats, like whole milk, real butter, cheese, etc. But we never gave the girls sweets. They don't help them grow- it's just empty calories. Cut her off. I know it's hard- but she needs to learn that you are in charge and what you give her is what she eats. Eventually she'll eat. She may lose a pound or two in the process, but she'll gain it back when she starts getting real nutrition. Try yogurts, or cream cheese in scrambled eggs, a whole grain bagel toasted with butter, make sure they are complex carbs, and lots of protein. Perhaps a honey-roasted ham would get her attention? It tends to be sweet. Or sweet potatoes- they are sweet and have lots of beta carotene. Even pears have loads of iron.

I also think you need to find a more positive doctor. Trust me, when the girls weight dipped a bit after weaning off formula, my doctor told me to add more snacks into the rotation, but every time I came in stressing about how small they were, she reassured me that they would be tiny girls- they're preemies. As long as I gave them lots of protein, fats, etc. They would grow just fine.
Good Luck!

[MommaC]

If she has developmental delays, she should have early intervention services available to her. If you don't currently participate in a zero to three program, either you or your doctor can refer your daughter for an evaluation. If she qualifies, she entitle to any services she needs for free. With the eating, I'm thinking you'll probably get help from an occupational therapist and/or speech-language pathologist. I know it's hard, but try not to WORRY. If you're in emotional knots over this, she'll sense it...she'll see it as a hold she has on you, and she'll use it (that sounds so evil, I know--but it's so true!). Eliminate the pressure, and try to make it fun. You and your doctor aren't going to let her starve, so don't even fear that. Will she drink Pediasure? That would be some nutrients and calories. Every child that I know who's been on the lower end of the weight spectrum was told to drink that. If there's a doctor who can be more HELPFUL, definitely make the switch. When it comes to pediatricians, you don't want someone with a "sink or swim" approach; you want someone who will take an interest in your child and help you be the best parent you can be to your child. I think I'd start with set eat times. There are times when she's put in her highchair with food. No need to push it on her. Just sit down and eat with her. Offer her food from your plate. Don't be upset if she rejects food. Don't get mad when she makes a mess. If it helps keep her calm, turn on a CD or DVD to help her bide the time. If she really, really hates it, you might have to start with really SHORT periods of time, but it's important to establish the place and time for eating. After you've done that, you can start thinking about teaching the principles of cleaner eating, but that this point, you're shooting to have her in her chair engaging with food. No pressure. Just fun. Be positive and encouraging. Offer but don't push. Since she does have such a stubborn streak, you may not even want to make a big deal about it when she does eat something. Don't clap and carry on. If you do praise her, just make it a quiet and simple, "Mmm, pears are yummy," and go back to eating your food. I know this has consumed you. :( But really do push your doctor and seek appropriate services. You need support, and your daughter needs some skills. You can do it. It will come together--it's just a matter of time. :) Best of luck to you!

[APEMBERTON]

I totally agree w/ MommaC!! Think of eating time like bed time. You have to set a time that she needs to sit in her highchair ro booster seat while the rest of the family eats even if she doesn't. My Aunt had a very similiar problem w/ her second child. She was VERY small & SUPER picky. Mealtiem was HE** for everybody in the family. I am happy to report it is a million times better now. I know it will be very hard , but NO chocolate. I understand your situation before, but you need to get her out of the chocolate habit ASAP. The longer this happens the harder it will be to fix it down the road. Like another poster said unfourtunately she is also at the "testing " phase so this isn't going to be an easy ride!!! No more chocolate & as long as you give her vitamins or pedisure she will not starve to death. Try to give her a couple of healthy options to chose from to start with & if she refuses to eat leave it there for later & let her know it will be there later. Also leave her plate & utensils off her tray or out of reach until they are no longer a distraction!! If you have to start the eating process over again with her so be it. It may help to completely retrain her & start fresh!!! Good Luck!!!:)

[fuzzy]

In my case,my son is an average weight but when he hit the 18 months make or so he gave up on eating food,It was a couple weeks of fighting with him to eat and giving him whatever snack foods I knew he WOULD eat!This wasn't exactly notritional by any means but he was eating and that was good enough for me..Then it came to him eating nothing again(oh yeah he's 20months)ANd the battle became worse..I think he got a kick outta me being frustrated with it and did it on purpose(he's have that look on his face!Anyways,my mom takes him once a week and she was saying how she never had issues with getting him to eat and i asked her what the difference between the to houses were and she told me that usually she just turned the T.v on to "bob the builder"and turned the highchair towards it and left him to his own(she'd tidy the kitchen or sweep but not pay any attention to what he was doing...I know alot of peds will say it's not good to have your child eat in front of the T.v but honestly thewy don't like your kid not eating either!So because my house isn't open concept like hers is I started being his highchair in the living room and giving him his food and leaving him to it and it worked!I don't know if it's cause I'm not fighting with him or he's not getting a rise outta me? It might work for you too??

[MommaC]

I think it's a bit of both. Even the sweetest kid gets a little satisfaction out of the "I can make mama upset" cause-effect drama. Standing your ground in a very nonchalant way is one of the best mommy skills you can develop. I, too, hate the idea of my daughter watching TV, but I do use it to help her eat. She'll sit longer and eat more. I've cut back to using it only at breakfast (so don't feel like you'll be stuck having her in front of the TV for the rest of her life!). Remain calm and experiment with what works best for you. Good luck!

[imablondedah]

I am was an occupational therapist and worked with some of the most stubborn autistic kids you can imagine. I had a kid who literally ripped his toe nails off so he didn't have to stay at the dinner table. Unfortunately for all involved... it worked for him.

Anyway, I am not saying your daughter is autistic by the way. Just that even tho I am not a mom yet I can share in your pain.

First I would say as in any situation like this... wouldn't matter what the behavior was, you (and hubby, and any care takers if they aren't you two) HAVE TO GAIN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION. That doesn't mean you know how to fix things right away, but you wear the pants and things are your way or the highway. As tough love as that sounds, there is less discipline involved and more neutrality. I'm guessing she is getting the thrill of "I can make mama upset" and while there likely is some physical problem going on here, she does realize the kind of attention she can get out of this and in my opinion it sounds like she is really squeezing every penny of her money's worth out of you.

Instead of severe forms of discipline, and I'm really serious about this (it will take some time, maybe 2 weeks even, but she'll get it!), you have to go with neutrality. I know that's A LOT easier said than done, but it will get you so much further in the long run! For starters, you and your husband should pick a room that's typically always quiet and has few distractions in it (toys, etc.) and place a chair, stool, etc. there. This is for the following, when things get out of hand or you're about to lose it, neutrally say "sit away" (You can choose a word or phrase you prefer, it just has to be the same ALL the time.) Don't sound approving of the behavior and don't sound disappointed, sad, mad, anything. NEUTRAL IS KEY! In time she will take this as her cue and won't even question it. And if it's neutral ALL the time at least a few tantrums should be avoided over time. If she is too young to walk there herself, then neutrally carry her there and place here there. Don't say anything else during this time. If needed take a moment to gain whatever composure you may have lost or be on the verge of losing. After you're calm go to the room and use a technique called "modeling." You'll be modeling whatever behavior you want from her. For our house (that I worked in) we sat with both feet on the floor, hands in lap, and quietly. When the behavior is modeled for a 10 count (you can count or she can count it out when she is ready, truly ready). You've (hopefully) successfully regained a calm situation and can continue whatever activity you were doing. (*NOTE: There were days I had to literally go back and forth from this situation to whatever we were doing constantly, but be consistent. There will be bad days still, but this will be your saving grace.)

Something else that should help, A SCHEDULE! It needs to be consistent. That doesn't mean you can't go on outings, etc. but the basis of her schedule (getting ready, naps and sleeping, and eating) should all be the same time (in the beginning, in the same place will help solidify your efforts.) Create a detailed routine. If it takes you 30 mins in the morning from wake up to ready for the day break it down. 7 am wake up, get dressed. 7:10 am potty, do hair, brush teeth. 7:15 ... 7:30 Breakfast. This helps the stability to meal time build up and if it's the same all the time she'll always know what to expect. Same thing for dinner. 6:25 wash up, 6:30 dinner, 7 pm wash up, 7:10 pm activity (reward for good behavior {*don't make this any type of food}, 7:30 bath, brush teeth, pjs 7:45 story time, 8pm lights out. This may not be your exact model but it's just an idea. Do it off the times that work best for you. But breaking it down like this gives you and your daughter cues to go off to know whether things are on track or not. It also helps you "wear the pants."

Something that will help you with her and with covering your assets and informing drs, therapists, etc. that you work with will be charting information. I know this sounds more like an experiment but it really will help you establish patterns. Chart behaviors; good and bad. Once she is potty trained does she still have accidents for attention? At meal times what was her behavior- be specific? What did she eat? How much did she eat? Did she seem to like the food? etc. These will all help you establish patterns and help you figure out what works and what doesn't. If you can keep it up because she will likely change over time and this will help you adjust as it's happening. (*If she works with an occupational therapist the exercises she will be doing with them will likely be charted similarly and they may even help you design these. You should be able to receive gov't aide to afford these services if you can't afford them on your own and if you're with a good company they really should be able to help you all out!)

Last but not least, make exercises. Chart the results as you do them and keep them to track her development. For establishing healthy relationships with healthy food, design a program that for every bite of something she eats she earns some type of reward (don't use food, especially bad food. An exception might be <if you think she is old enough to understand this> each time she chooses a good food she earns a point. At the end of the week (say Sunday night) depending on how many points she has she can have this or that dessert. (0-15 points= fruit (sweet but not 'sugar'), 16-25= 1 cookie, 26-35= brownie square, 36-45= 1/2 ice cream sandwich, 46-55= scoop of ice cream. etc. otherwise you can use 30 second intervals of tv time (60 right responses equals 1 half hour cartoon, etc.- things she doesn't get everyday but she really wants. The more desired the reward the harder it should be to get and the more controlled it should be.) this will help establish the idea of 'if you want dessert you have to eat your dinner/vegetables/etc.' You can use this with development as well to teach her colors, words, picture recognition to words, walking, etc. While you're doing these exercises stay as neutral as possible. When she has a positive result give verbal recognition as well as the point, etc. "yeah good job (insert name)!" "wow, way to go" etc. this secondary reinforcing helps her get the attention she is getting from the refusal of eating through a positive behavior. Also, throw in high fives, physical reinforcing- hugs, kisses.

While you are doing these activities use guidance (hold her hand and take food to her mouth in it then use fading... lightly with just a finger or two guide her hand to her mouth, then use pointing and verbal cues and then just use one or the other.) Also, if she isn't getting it (this involves some humility on your part or your husband's- but hopefully it helps) because she is stubborn or otherwise sit in the chair and model the behavior you want from her. Be happy and when your husband asks you to take a bite of your healthy food do so in the way you want her to respond. Then when you model the behavior correctly you want from her have your husband give you the kind of positive reinforcement you plan to give her. When she has a negative response interrupt verbally, physically, or both, depending on which is applicable. This helps deter negative responses that will build up the wrong behavior. The sooner you stop it the less it's likely to be a hiccup. Just remember to stay neutral. That's where you help her by showing or helping her do the correct response. The key is also repetition. The more she has the negative response and gets negative or positive attention for it the more she is likely to do it and the same applies with a positive response so stay neutral to negative responses and positive responses. If it's taking her a bit to get a positive response be sure to model often. If she does it only part way be sure to give a positive reinforcement and ignore whatever she did wrong. "Good job picking up the apple" Then model picking and eating the apple. Don't say "Good job picking the apple but you need to put it in your mouth."

This is all I can think of for now but I know I am forgetting things here and there. If you have any questions please ask!!! I hope this helps. It's the only suggestion I have for you but if this really is a "for attention" thing and/or a behavioral issue (which is probably is at least in part by now) this should really help. Sit down and write out notes about what you want to tackle first (behaviors), make a schedule, implement programs, make a chart of some kind to keep your data on (remember to date, date, date), and give this some time. It's going to take a bit but it should help so stick with it!!!

Good luck, healthy eating, and sending sanity your way!!!

[wright1212]

I totally agree with IMAB...

My husband is and OT and I work in early childhood. We have a son, 6, with autism. SO every stubborn behavior you can imagine we have seen. Also because of our careers and education we have some very unique solutions!!
ALSO at one point my son went on the ketogenic diet for seizures. It only consist of tiny pieces of food covered in fat (oil, mayo, nasty). After 2 days of not eating he did he this. We all cried and starved through him with it. But he proved to me kids will eat ANYTHING when starving.
I may repeat some thing others of said. But here are my tips.
1. You MUST find a doctor you like. prefer a dev. ped. to access development
2. Have alot of great healthy snacks. Peanut butter dip, hummus, sugar snap peas, glazed carrots, freeze dried peas (my son eats these like candy), popcorn, fruit juice popsciles, yogurt, pretzels, handi-snacks, all types of cheeses, fruit puffs (toddler isle). Everytime you go to the store get something new to find what else she loves.
3. I know how hard it is but NO over processed foods, high fructose corn syrup, fast foods, or high sugar foods. We found out 2 years ago my son cant have processed sugars, it was hard but he made it.
4. In response to 2 & 3 find a good healthy grocery store and get to it know it well!
5. I love the schedule idea. ALL young children do everything better when they can predict there day. The time things happen is NOT importaunt, its that they happen in the same order and last about the same time.
6. Sorry but I dont agree with the point system, its too advanced for a 2 year old. They do better when its for self-motivation. My daughter (any behavior) was DORA. Getting a dora sticker, dora movie, anything dora I could get her to do anything (its how she got potty trained) At that age they need immediate rewards and again NO FOOD ever as reward or punishment. Stock up on cheap favorites, playdough, stickers, coloring, ect.
7. Check out books and resources more on behavior than nutrition. To focus on the battle she is doing. There are so many great resources I wont try to list them here.
I hope any of these, and the other post help. Remember 1. we wouldnt write if we didnt want to help 2. if she is tiny she may not need alot of food, so 2 meals a day is ok. Just keep Milk and other MUST like viatims in her!!
Good Luck

[kid2]

I have to agree unfortunately about the chocolate. But also about you being worried about making the food issue worse for her. It would be one thing for her to have some chocolate if she were eating a balance diet but she is not, so I would then worry about her blood sugar levels when she is having it. I work in a preschool program where nutrition is a focus of our program. I have encountered children who do not eat (last year I too had a picky eater but also did not eat breakfast, lunch or snack at school) and our nutritionist agreed that as long as this child was eating something through out the day that they would be ok and that no in fact they won't let themselves starve. She suggested the family try a nutrient shake substitute also (would she drink a chocolate one?). If you don't seem to be getting help from your pediatrician my other suggestion would be to check with your health insurance company to see if they work/cover nutritionist visits. I also know that it is normal for children to want to eat one or two items all the time-my son went through an egg thing for almost a month that was all he'd eat; he really didn't care how they were prepared just as long as it was an egg. Pediatrician said it was alright that eventually he'd get sick of them and they really weren't so bad for him and he eats many other foods now!!

Have you checked to be sure there are no other neurological or oral motor issues due to the prematurity and you also mentioned other delays?! If you have some type of an early intervention program in your area it may be worth contacting them to help with further evaluations and other support systems that may be available to you! But just remember you love your child and have her best interest at hand, you will find the support you need and help her through this! Best of Luck!!

[NaomiK]

The last time I checked, walking by 18 months isn’t delayed. It may be on the later side of the spectrum, but not uncommon. Its after 18 months, if they haven’t walked than you may want to be concerned. She was preemie right? Preemies many times don’t fully “catch up” to others until age 3. Also, 6 months is a little young for pureed foods I think. If you offered the pureed foods too early and she wasn’t interested, that should have been your sign to wait a little longer because she may not have been ready. Especially if she would choke on them! That is a major red flag! Also, most pediatricians recommend waiting until 12 months to use whole milk in their diet because formula has so much goodies. The 10th and 5th percentile is low, but not underweight. And remember she is a preemie, so you almost have to expect that.

As far as the utensils go, most kids don’t use them right away. It’s a learning experience and using their hands is a great way for them to experience all different kinds of textures with food. What happens if I crumble this cracker to squish this banana? Its good to let them do those things. Don’t pressure her to use utensils, always give them to her but don’t push it. Many, many parents can say the same thing about their children being picky eaters. Studies have shown that it can take up to 15 tries before a child will willingly eat and like certain foods.

If she only eats half of her breakfast, again, don’t push it. She will eat what she needs. If she is going through a growth spurt she will eat more. There are times when my daughter eats like a bird and is just fine with that. You want meal times to be good experiences not negative ones. If you fight her to eat, she will relate eating to negativity and that is the last thing that you want. When she smacks you and screams you have to react immediately! Let her know that is not ok! Don’t yell at her but use your mommy voice “Screaming is not ok”. That’s all you have to say. If she continues than take her out of her high chair and do whatever you do to discipline her (time out or whatever). If you tell her no, than she needs to know that no means no. Don’t give into her just because she is screaming. That makes her think that screaming gets her what she wants.

I have to agree with the docs. No more chocolate. You have to have willpower and do what is best for your baby and chocolate is not it. Yes it will be hard, but the longer you let her manipulate you (yes that is what she is doing), the harder it will be. You mentioned developmental issues again? Is there more than you are telling us? I don’t think not walking until 18 months or crawling until 12 is a developmental issue. You should look into getting another pediatrician. This is so important. You need a doctor that will be there for you when you need them. Of course she doesn’t want to open her mouth when you holding her hands. I wouldn’t either! Again, don’t force her. She will NOT starve herself. I like the post before mine that mentioned shakes. Have you tried that?

Yes we all want happy healthy children. Feeding them chocolate is not healthy. Simple as that. Eating is healthy but not if its junk! If she will eat healthy things dipped in something than let her! For crying out loud its better than cookies and chocolate! She detests sitting in her seat? Well than she doesn’t eat. Make it a new rule in your house. If you want to eat, you sit here. Eventually she will get hungry enough and give in. No, you will not be starving her.

My main point is here that you are her mother, and she is your child. You are letting her walk all over you and she knows it. She knows exactly how to push your buttons and get her way. You have to set boundaries and show her that screaming and hitting are not ok and it is not going to get her what she wants. Walking around with food is just plain dangerous (you want her healthy right?). I am not in anyway saying that you are doing all the wrong things, because I truly believe we as mothers always have the right intentions and want the best for our babies. It is hard to take things away and discipline when your child is screaming at you and doesn’t want to listen. I understand your concern because she is on the low side of the weight spectrum, however she is not underweight.

So if I haven’t offended you to much, here is my advice. Take a deep breath, calm down, step back, and evaluate what is really going on here. Always put her in her highchair to eat. When you give her food, just set it on her tray and ignore her. Let her do her thing (even if her thing is to throw it on the floor). When she starts getting fussy, let her out. But do not let her walk around with food. If she wants more, put her back in her chair. It might be in and out for a while until she gets the point that she has to eat in her chair.

Also, when you give her foods, make sure they are at least halfway healthy foods. If she refuses, that’s ok. She will not starve herself. When she does take a bite here and there tell her “I am very proud of you” “thank you for being such a good girl for mommy”. Etc. But you don’t want to clap or give her too much praise because then she will come to expect it. Do not force her to eat. I can not stress that point enough. Make it a positive experience. If she wants utensils, give them to her. If she throws them on the floor, pick them up, and tell her “uh oh”. After 2 or so times of this, take them away. “If you throw them on the floor that tells me you don’t want them”. If she throws a fit, put her down.

You have to have faith and confidence in yourself and in her. She is a big girl and so are you. You can do this! It will be hard and you will probably both shed some tears, but it will be worth it when you can sit down and eat together! And your life will be so much easier not having the constant stress and worry about how much she ate. If she does fall underweight, or you truly think there are developmental issues, than you should definitely talk to someone. I wish you the best of luck!