Smoking Near Baby? Nuh uh.

[Saphira]

I have to say, I came up with this crazy/weird idea. I wanted to pass it through the other moms. Be honest with me, tell me I'm crazy if I am. Or tell me it's a good idea, if it is. Please!

Ok. So. I have a problem. My boyfriend's ENTIRE family on his dad/stepmom's side smokes. Like, Regena [stepmom] does not smoke, and neither does Chuck [dad], BUT... Regena's mom has been in and out of the hospital these past... three [???] months with heart problems. Needing a catheder [sp?] and she still smokes like... I'm pretty sure 5 packs a day. And I've run this by Charles, cuz he too is a smoker... But NO ONE is gonna touch/hold my baby after they've been smoking. I've heard cig smoke is connected to SIDS. This has, literally, kept me up alllllllll night fretting and tossing and turning. I don't want to lose my baby before they're 4-6 months old. So I figured, ok, can't exactly put my baby in a big platic box with an oxygen tank... but I can ask them to change shirts if they're gonna smoke and then expect to hold the new baby. But passing this tidbit along to the new family frightens me. I'm afraid I won't be able to tell them, "Hey. I hope you brought a change of clothes if you expect to hold my baby!" Especially since they have like 5 kids between the ages of 1-10, and I KNOW that they didn't hold off on the cig smokes when baby was newborn. And I'm sure I'll be laughed at for being an overly protective new mommy and I need to loosen up and lalala.

My family, and Charles's mom/stepdad will be NO PROBLEM. His stepdad smokes, yeah. But if I ask him to either give up holding the baby or to change his shirt, I know he'd respect my wishes. Just as Chuck and Regena would... but not the rest of their end. Regena's mom would shoosh me and her sister would tell me I'm overreacting.

But I mean, I would actually, HONESTLY, not want any of them [except Chuck and Regena] to hold the baby. I know I gotta consent and loosen up on the rest of them just cuz family is BIG on their side of things... But I'm scared for the health of my baby. And as a new mommy, heck yes I'm willing to be over protective and monstrous if the need arises.

Do I sound crazy for wanting people to [at the least] change their shirt before holding my newborn?

[WWmama]

I don't think you sound crazy at all. It is our job as parents to protect our babies. If you explain to them why you want them to change their shirts, then they shouldn't have a problem with it. There is nothing worse than someone holding your baby and making them smell like smoke.

[APEMBERTON]

No, you are in no way crazy for protecting your baby. I would expect some people to say you are being over-protective though! I am lucky that no one in my close family or my fiance's close family smokes, but his dad's mom & sister do smoke! They live about an 1 1/2 away, so this won't be a big deal that often. Now I will be demanding ANYONE who wants to touch my baby to wash their hands first(smoker or not).There is nothing wrong w/ you asking or demading they change their shirt, but be ready for back-lash.

[mtnmama1]

You may as well learn this sooner than later, at some point you're going to have to choose between putting your foot down on something important to you and incurring the wrath/disapproval of your extended family/inlaws.

My ILs think I'm depriving them because I don't believe in overnights for toddlers. They may or may not get over it, but I have decided not to care for the sake of my own sanity. Be confident in your decisions and do what makes you comfortable.

For convenience, I would suggest carrying a lightweight pull over/hoodie type thing that they can put over their clothing if they've been smoking.

[Mommy2Beans]

Your not crazy. Most of my IL's side of the family smoke, my dad smokes and my dh smokes (only at work). My dd is 16 months old now so I don't freak as much as I used to but they all know they WILL NOT smoke around her and they are expected to wash their hands when their done. When my dd was born she has to get a shot every 4 weeks to prevent RSV (she was a preemie) and my MIL insisted that smoking had nothing to do with her getting a cold/rsv etc. So when we went to the ped. for her check-up I asked for and promptly gave her the info that proved her wrong. Wearing a hoodie/jacket is a good idea or asking them to change shirts would work too. I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks, your doing the right thing for your child by trying to keep your baby healthy!

[lena241]

Just a thought, you mentioned that the people that you do not want holding your child have 5 kids, and they are smokers. I imagine that the kids have all been exposed to 2nd hand smoke whether in the car or at home, which Im not at all saying is ok to do, but again, they have 5 kids, all living, Right?

Maybe you could ask them to wash their hands 1st, not to kiss the baby or talk in her/his face and to cover there clothes with a baby blanket. You can also let them know that you would prefer they didnt hold the baby right after smoking, and not to smoke in your home, car etc. But, not allowing them to hold the baby at all, thats a little extreme.

[SpinMom]

From experience I can tell you that it quite literally stinks when you go to pick up your infant to cuddle, expecting that sweet baby smell, and get a nose full of left over smoke. My MIL smokes, not in our house, but immediately before entering our home; she brings it with her. And while she is here, she will step outside for a cigarette, again bringing the smoke smell inside when she comes back in. It's temporary but extremely irritating. My son is almost 26 months old now; I'm not as sensitive about it as I was when he was a newborn.

Then again, as a recovering smoker, I think I may be overly sensitive about this entire topic. I quit almost 4 years ago and still miss it dearly but cannot imagine exposing my son to mommy smoking.

[Saphira]

SpinMom - I know what you mean. I too smoked, but I wasn't dependent and don't really miss it. I had about one cig a day... sometimes only two a week at most. It was just a time waster, a boredom spender. And it was a GREAT stress relief lol. I bought into that... but I don't believe cigs are addictive, in MY opinion. Therefore, I think I was able to let them go. And yeah, I really don't want the smoke near my baby... I want him/her to smell like lavender or sweet pea or some other pretty flower. Not smoke. Ugh. :[

lena241 - I never said I wouldn't let them hold the baby at all. I just want them to respect my wishes about changing a shirt, or maybe even wearing a hoody like Mommy2Beans suggested. I don't want the baby to breathe in smoke. It would cause me a lot of stress while baby is still young and still able to die of SIDS. That will be my infant stress. Then, I will pick up other stresses as other harmful things are exposed to my infant as they age and mature.

I'm sure I'll pass a porno-fear stage and set up 100 different programs to prevent that kind of thing from coming up while my 6 year old is playing on disney.com. Or I'll pass a first-day-of-kindergarten-fear-phase as my child walks into their first school and I hide in the bushes. :D

But thank all of you guys, so much, for the replies and the support on this particular issue! I needed to know that I wasn't TOO crazy for wanting my baby to breathe fresh, clean, uncontaminated air. :]

[BritniS]

Well I know it drives me crazy when people smoke around my kids. My mother in law lives with my husband and I and she smokes in the house around our son who is 2 and he was born six weeks early which makes him prone to RSV. She just doesnt get the point not to smoke in our house. And my husband wont just say no you have to smoke outside what would you do?

[brandie1127]

I kinda have that dilemma to my hubby smokes so does his mother those are the only two relatives of the baby ( that are around enough to matter) that smoke. I really wish he would quit before she gets here. He has always smoked outside so our home is smoke free but what about when she gets here - he says he'll wash his hands but frankly he stinks! I have never been a smoker and when he comes in from smoking if he stands next to me I have trouble getting air. He says I'm just being dramatic.

I think that your relatives are going to think your request to change rediculous but like other people said what matters to YOU doesn't have to matter to anyone else.

[Saphira]

I tell Charles he stinks after he smokes. I tell him he cannot kiss or hug me 'til he gets the stench OFF. Ugh!

So he takes a shower or changes clothes... and rinses out his mouth. It used to make me gag, the smell of cigarette smoke. It was choking and horrible and I wanted to KEEL HIM for smoking anywhere near me. Especially in the car or something. Note: He's stopped smoking around me, but in the early weeks of pregnancy, it started to take on a REEK like no other. So then he stopped. But until then, I was gagging and sputtering. It's not drama. You need to talk it out with him, let him know that he reeks and you have super pregnancy scent now. So it's amplified by like... a million.

[brandie1127]

I always say that being pregnant brings me closer to kanine!