View Full Version : When do you know you're done having kids
03-17-2008, 02:36 PM
I'm pregnant with my third child, and I have this feeling that even after this one's born, I would still like to have another one. My husband (an only child) said he was good with the first one. He doesn't resent us having more kids or anything--I don't think! But I really don't know that he would want a fourth. So my question is, How do you know when you're done having children?
03-18-2008, 11:19 AM
When you look at pregnant women and think, "Thank God that's not me!"
03-18-2008, 03:48 PM
We have one boy and girl...now...so we are sooo done with kids now.
If it wasnt a girl the second time..may be I would have thought of a third one.
03-18-2008, 06:59 PM
I had the same question literally and I asked anyone and everyone I knew (dozens of people) - even men. All of them said you will know deep down inside that you are done. Like you know when you are in love and when you found your soul mate - you will know. I am relying on that since I am on my second child now. My daughter is 10 years old and my husband (not her dad) and I had trouble conceiving (had to do IVF). So many people told me - well be happy you have your daughter (and my hubby has two teenage girls). But I still felt like I wanted more. I always wanted two kids but wondered why I still felt like I needed another baby when all the roads to conception seemed blocked or too difficult. Finally with my husbands support we did IVF and luckly conceived the first try. Now granted I have a tough pregnancy (my daughter was easy) - I think to myself jokingly 'why did I want to do this again'?? However my main concern is will I still want more after this baby since this pregnancy is so tough. I don't know that I can have another since IVF is expensive and I am not getting any younger. I want to know I am done because I am personally done not because of any other influences like money, IVF, age. All of the people I asked who said no more kids - said they knew it deep inside for one reason or antoher. Like some said they knew no more diapers, no more middle of the nights, or they just didnt want the baby thing again. Some who would but are not going to have anymore kids say they still would have more but didn't because of money or age or ran out of room in the house (like my mother in law and siter in law). Most men say they would have more but the wife is done - easy for men to say! I am just waiting for that inner voice to tell me. I wonder why I do want more when my daughter drives me up the wall but my gut says I am not done. Hope this helps!!
03-18-2008, 08:18 PM
That's what most people have said to me, too, You just know. But I was talking to my friend yesterday and I posed the question: Why do I want more children? It's certainly not a need-thing. I have 2 healthy boys, and a presumably healthy one on the way. Even if it's a girl(which I really would like), why do I think I have to have more? Isn't it kind of irresponsible to keep having kids when the country/world is in the state it's in? I should feel lucky to have the children I've got, and that we can "afford" them. There are so many poor children who don't have families, or homes. . . . Just rambling, I guess.
03-20-2008, 12:08 AM
I am also pergnant with my 3rd and I am thinking of getting a tubal ligation( tubes tied). I have been questioning it, since I am still young. I am afraid I will later regret not having a 4th. I have convinced myslef to get my tubes tied due to financial reasons, in order to pursue my career, and to be able to provided more for my children I have now. I have a big family, so I also wanted a big family, but like you said if I change my mind, I can always adpot a child.
03-20-2008, 02:44 PM
i think you're done having kids when you watch tlc's kids by the dozen, look at the ones you already have and thank god you are not that crazy
I'm pregnant with my second and I think this may be my last pregnancy. I am a firm believer in "quality over quantity". I feel with 2 children, I can still provide lots of quality time with them, but with more than that, I would feel like my time is spread out too much as well as resources. I've know a few families with many children and it turned out that the children do not always end up with solid moral and family values as adults, possibly because their parents were too thinned out with dividing their time and resources among all of them when they were kids. I have also considered just having 1 child, but in the end, I feel giving my child the chance to have a sibling and possibly a best friend to grow up with is a very positive experience.
03-25-2008, 10:39 AM
Its all relative. It seems to me that people from large families prefer more kids...small families want less!
03-26-2008, 03:22 PM
Personally we were done after our second. Two life threatening pregnancies is enough, thanks. With our first I had pre-eclampsia as well as kidney problems with our second my kidneys tried to shut down. So for us it's a no-brainer, two is enough. Outside of medical problems and things of that nature, I think that when you can look at your family as a whole unit and say "we are complete" then you are done, that and when you can look at your youngest and you start counting the days until they are 18 and out of the house and you and dh finally have the house to yourselves then you are done. :)
03-27-2008, 09:04 PM
I think you are done having kids when you look at your children and feel at peace, as if this is the family you were meant to have. I think as long as you have the love for another child you should have another child (including resources and support and good medical standing). When we left the hospital after my first was born, I knew for a fact that it was too amazing an experience and that I couldn't imagine only going through it once. I want lots of babies. Is it just me, or do you kind of want a baby more RIGHT after your first. I dunno what it is, maybe becasue its like this time last year I was pregnant so its just kind of one of those things that I think the experiences will be the same this year. Kind of like school year after year but slightly diffeerent when your in highschool.
04-15-2008, 08:30 PM
I just recently had my third child. My children are 12, 10 and 11 months. When I found out I was going to have another baby I was upset. I was super sick with the last one for 8 months of pregnancy with an IV in my leg. I ended up getting my tubes tied and still today I wonder if I did the right thing. I am not sure if you ever get over wanting to have children.
04-15-2008, 11:20 PM
I don't think you can ever know for sure. I have friends in their 40s who REALLY wish they could have another baby. And they REALLY thought they were done!
04-16-2008, 12:10 AM
You don't really have to make a decision. Instead of getting a medical procedure to stop having children, you can use on of the many birth control options out there. My mother has had three kids, my sister at 15, me at 18, and my brother at 22. I year ago she decided that she really wanted another child, but didn't have the means to get the procedure and still have a very small chance of conceiving. This way, you can put it off forever or until you decide another baby is what you want.
04-16-2008, 11:19 AM
I decided to get my tubes tied when I was 23 and pregnant with my second child. Both of my pregnancies were awful, bedrest with both (1st 4 months, 2nd 7months and an appendectomy when I was 4 months with the 2md). It was an easy decision for me, and I've not regretted it once. Sure a boy would have been nice, but I wasn't willing to risk my health for it. That's just my opinion.
04-16-2008, 01:36 PM
My second son is 5 weeks old today and i have a 2 1/2 year old son. I have been pondering the same question as well. I think 3 would be overwhelming and maybe a financial strain, but at the same time I have a large family and I kind of want to try for a girl. My husband does not want anymore for sure, but he said that about each baby and then said he's glad we had them. I think 2 is enough and that I will be a better mom with just two. Also, if I had a third I would have to get a larger car, possibly larger home, and I am not sure how I would manage 3 children. THere is still a part of me, however, that wants that thrid baby. I dont' know wether to follow my heart or my brain?
04-16-2008, 02:33 PM
We ended up buying a bigger car last year (tahoe with 3 rows) b/c we knew we would have at least one more. But I do think to myself, how did my mom haul 3 of us 5 and under in her pontiac ste? So, I think that the car issue is definitely more convenient w/ more room, but not necessary. At least you have a while to decide, beings he's only five weeks. But aren't they so precious at that age? :) Of course holding him makes you want another.
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