View Full Version : Another Baby?
11-09-2008, 04:02 AM
Okay here is my story: I am 23 years old. I got married in 2004 when I was 19 years old. On our honeymoon I got pregnant with my son who was born in July 2005. I have always wanted a big family, but my husband not so much. I convinced him we couldn't have an only child, so in the summer of 2006 we started trying for #2 so glad the kids would be close together. After several miscarriages, I finally gave birth in March of 2008 to the second son. Now I am in a predicament. I kind of want a third child. I know that if I am going to have one I should start trying so they aren't so far apart. I am worried however, for several reasons. For one, my hubby says it's up to me, but I am starting a new job working 12 hour night shift and I don't know if he can handle 3 kids at night. I am starting a new job, so is this really the best thing for me? Should I focus on my nursing career? I gained 20 lbs. with each kid, so I am now 40 lbs. overweight.... do I really want to keep on this track? I also am having financial problems and i drive an Aveo, so not sure if I could get a car big enough for 3 car seats. I know that's a lot of reasons to not to, but I still have this urge to and I can't imagine my life with out a big family. I've always dreamed of having lots of children. My husband said that if we don't get pregnant by March he is going to get a vasectomy... should I try? I am satisfied with my family, but I am worried if I will regret it later....
11-09-2008, 08:33 AM
Why does it have to be by a certain time limit? I am 24 with two kids and I, too, have been thinking of a third in our future. It just doesn't seem right at this time so my hubby & I are revisiting the idea in a year. A decision like this should not be rushed. I am more worried how it'll affect our other two children & our finances. And I've also been thinking about middle child syndrome. Anyways, take your time. You're young and have time. Why does your husband want a vasectomy so soon? I don't know my husband refuses even if and when we are done having babies. LOL. And I know I also like them to be not far apart but sometimes life doesn't work out that way. My two are about 2.5 yrs apart and if I had another one the second and third child would be farther apart than that maybe 3-4 yrs but I think its more important to be ready to add a child to your family, than to have them close together.
11-09-2008, 08:38 AM
Families in general have been getting smaller, but how many children a couple has is still often based on how many siblings you had growing up. One of the key factors in the decision is that you BOTH want more children. I talk about the trend toward smaller families in a Psychology Today post as well as other parenting concerns including those related to having an only child and related topics: http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons
Susan Newman, Ph.D.
author of Parenting an Only Child
11-09-2008, 04:10 PM
I too know the feeling of wanting another baby. I think that if you feel satisfied wth your family now and you're aware that your current job and financial status you're facing, it's best that you wait. I know that wanting them all to be certain ages apart would be something to have to give up, but in the long run.. it's a small detail compared to the better well being you will be giving your family if you wait.
I don't understand the rush for the vasectomy either.. unless there are other issues involved with that. But I also think that such permanent things are a bad idea anyway.
*And I know that three carseats will NOT fit in your car. I drive a Malibu and I can BARELY fit the pumpkin seat, toddler seat and the bigger kid seat. I've tried to fit those in my car before and it was snug. I know an Aveo is smaller.. smallest in the chevy family.
11-10-2008, 10:21 AM
I think that if you want #3 go for it. Its smart to take into consideration the extra burdens, but I can't help but feel that there will always be SOMETHING preventing you from trying. I always tease my DH and say that if I didn't get accidentally "knocked up" we would have NEVER entered a "trying" phase. Theres just too much life to bite into for any of us. Debt to be paid down, trying to get a promotion, need a bigger house or more room. I just think it will always be something. Then you'll get to a point where you'll wonder if you two are too old. So I say if you want it have at it. I have a feeling you can never be prepared for children. ( Unless your DH is rich and having children is your only concern.) LOL but that doesn't seem to be the case.
I think you have the hardest part behind you, getting him on board for number 3. The rest you can work out I'm sure.
Good luck with your decision.
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