How to discipline an ADHD child. HELP!!!

[xcitedmom]

My step son was diagnosed a few years ago with ADHD. My DH and I were discussing the right way to discipline him. He does things over and over again that he has been told not to. I mean, I know typical kids behave like kids but do you discpline them different based on that. For, example, he has been told 100 times to keep his hands to himself, tell the teacher if there is a problem so that he don't get in trouble at school or at home. But he just keeps doing it anyway! I understand defending himself but at 7yrs old, thats not really the issue. In my thoughts if I have told you several times to NOT do something, eventually you should get it! I know discplice is a debated subject anyway. Please tell me do you or would you handle a child with ADHD that is on meds differently in terms of discipline. The meds helps his focus, not behaviour, so why should ADHD get in the way of discipline. He will most likely live with this ALL his life, so I think he needs to learn how to listen and respect others NOW, so he can be a good member of society. PLEASE HELP!

[MommaC]

Yep--you're right. He does need to learn to control his impulses now, or he will have significant difficulties later in life. It's SO HARD to discipline kids who have special needs like this. It's hard to know what constitutes reasonable expectations and appropriate consequences. First, focus on the controlling his impulsivity aspect. Meds don't help behavior per se, but since his brain is on track enough to focus, I'm guessing he should be able to exhibit a bit more self-control. Ask a doctor or psychologist/psychiatrist to be sure, though. Once he's to a point where he's not controlled by his impulses (that is, he can make a CHOICE to do the right thing), discipline is a no-brainer. Just like any other kid. Rules and consequences. Consistently. As far as HOW to teach him some self-control, tap whatever resources are available to you. Check with the school counselor, the school psychologist, the behaviorist, etc. Even the LD teacher and the Speech/Language Pathologist will have strateies to share. Good luck to you!

[airitos]

My two children don't have ADHD issues, but my younger brother does. My mom faces behavior issues with him, too, even though he regularly takes his meds. Nutrition is something that really interests me, and I've found that diet has a direct effect on a child's behavior. My suggestion would be to make sure he is not getting much of anything with sugar in it - natural, con syrup, or otherwise, and that he is not eating processed foods: ie. anything with added colors, or that comes out of a box or a can, ready-to-eat type foods. Really limit his time playing video games or watching tv/sitting at the computer. Encourage him to burn off his excess energy by playing a sport or getting outside playtime in. He needs to come out of the too-fast pace his body is stuck in - he may possibly be battling with insulin spikes from his diet or getting too much stimulation from tv and video games. Ultimately, your goal should be to do all you can to restore his body to a natural balance and get him off the stimulants he's been prescribed.

Limiting those things may seem like a punishment to some kids and parents, but in reality, you're giving those precious children you love what they deserve most - valuable nutrients their little bodies crave and an overall quality of life so that they will be able to enjoy successful years ahead of them and share that quality of life with future generations.

My mom hasn't brought herself to become firm enough, and sadly my brother's health is probably suffering from it. Be firm, stay strong, and know that doing the best thing for your kids is not always the easy thing to do.

[ocmomof1]

I totally understand your situation because I experience it with my 6yo son, who was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It's extremely frustrating because he is academically very bright and performs well in school, yet he requires constant reminders for some things. We sought the help of a behavioral therapist to assist us in dealing with our son's behavior. As a result, our son's behavior has improved considerably (it doesn't happen overnight, though) and we continue to work very closely with his teacher to ensure that we maintain consistency with discipline. This is crucial! Ask your pediatrician for a referral to a psychologist who specializes in ADHD. In the interim, you might check out some books to gain insight on the subject. I'm currently reading 'Parenting Children With ADHD'. And while common sense dictates that a nutritious, balanced diet is good for all children, you shouldn't be criticized for giving meds to your son. There is no cure for ADHD, but whatever we can do to improve our kids' quality of life is a positive thing. Keep your chin up!

[tiffaniexr1]

My DH's 7yo son also has the same problems. It's difficult for me to handle as well. Probably because my son is only 3, I'm not exactly sure what the expectations of a 7yo should be and my son does not have ADHD so I haven't had to learn to deal with him growing up with it. Its hard to approach with DH, simply I'm sure because he is a man and its hard for them to talk about stuff like that. So I have read and read and read stuff online and books. The more I read, the easier it is for me to be patient with him and understand why he does the things he does and when he answers "I don't know" it because he really doesn't know. Impulse control is one of the biggest problems kids with ADHD face. My brother has it and is now 25, I watch him as an adult, he still struggles. His hands are constantly fidgeting, he's always on the go, he can't just sit and just "be". I struggle to with the discipline aspect because I don't want my 3 yo thinking some things are ok that DH's son "gets away" with and feel the need to try and be as consistent as possible. But I remind myself that they are not the same. He does have special needs. He's not being bad or purposely not minding - he simply can't help it. We try and work with him and keep him as busy as possible. At school, they give him extra assignments to work on when he's done with his work to keep him from bothering the other kids. At home, we try and interact with him as much as possible. And I can really tell the difference when his diet has been crappy (like when we splurge at the movies on pop, candy, and popcorn he almost always has a break down later int he night). All I keep telling myself is to try and approach it from an understanding and patient perspective. It really does help...

[Fishman]

There are many ways to discipline an A.D.H.D. child (http://www.thetotaltrandformation.com). Just remember that you are in control and your child is looking for structure from you.

[bswillis]

Ok, I am loosing my mind. We started school on Aug 10 and my 5 year old has been written up 4 times. He has now been suspended. I have been on the phone with the school everyday, multiple times. I have had my son seen by his regular pediatrician, had him tested and he does indeed have adhd. He is extremely bright, but needs meds. The next apt with dr. is 9/25. He won't see us before then to write a rx. We have been to the school several times, conferences, oh my. I have asked for a more understanding teacher, with more experience. (Ours is teaching for the 2nd year, does not believe in adhd or medication and got married 3 days ago.) School system does not change classes. So today, the teacher sends a note home telling me that this has been the worst week yet. She also wrote on the page that he needs discipline at home and consequences for his actions. During the last conference we had, I told them we have taken away tv, video games, toys, all fun things, he has been spanked, what else can we do? She, very wisely, covered this comment in white out, but I still saw it. He is going to be expelled before we see the dr. again. What can I do?

[Calamity_Girl]

Bswillis,

I am greatly disturbed by your post. In no way should a 5 yr old be having this many issues in school this soon in the year. What kind of behaviours are they seeing at school? Are these the same issues you see at home? As a teacher, I can tell you I would never suspend a 5 yr old after such short a time. I don't think I would ever suspend a child that young, I might send them home for the day. What is the school doing in regards to a personal program plan, a behaviour plan, consequences? You have a responsibility at home to discipline but the the school should be working with you to HELP you, not blame you. If things don't change and the school is unsupportive I would seriously consider changing schools. Now, I don't know your son, and he sounds like there are definitely some issues but you need support to help support him. I would ask the school what they are doing, what their plan is, how they are trying to support him, what they've done, what they've tried that has worked, what they have tried that has not worked, put some of the responsibility back on them and let them support their decision for suspending a 5 yr old. You may not be the favourite parent but part of your job is to advocate for him. If you need ideas of the kinds of things you can try at home or the school can try, let me know, I'd be happy to send some things your way. I cannot stand listening to schools/teachers behaving this way.

[rossM]

bswillis,

I feel for you. My son has ADHD and when he started out in school, I did inform them that he was diagnosed with ADHD in the Philippines. We just came from the Philippines back then, and he wasn't so good at speaking english and the fact that he had a speech problem (which he still has up until now). He was entering into kindergarten and as a late enrollee, he was put into a transfer school which was supposedly one of the best elementary schools in the district. Every week from then on, he had trouble with the teachers, with the students. I had informed the school that I had no idea what to do with regards of where to get help for him, but instead of helping me find a physician, I was getting called 3-4 times a week for him getting into trouble, I'd be at the principals office, he was getting suspended 95% of the time so he would be in school for just 2 days in the week and then be suspended for the rest of the week. And I was always having to be made to listen to crap like "This is Texas and we do things differently here in Texas". I was at my wits end trying to get an appointment with any, and I do mean ANY child psychiatrist just so he could be helped. I was new to the country, didn't know much of what the school system does or how things go. I was very disappointed to know that it takes 3-4 months to land an appointment with a psychiatrist. I gave the school regular updates on what I was doing and how I was trying to look for help. And guess what?? The school sends CPS to my door for suspicion of neglect. Wow! And what else? I had taken my son out of daycare to save on expenses and to use the money I was using for daycare into financing an appointment with a speech therapist. I had explained this to the school principal. To my surprise and disappointment, the CPS worker tells me that the school had informed them that my son had been KICKED OUT of daycare. In light of this, the school gets backlashed from the report by the CPS investigator. That they did not provide me with the resources that they should have handed out to me in the first place. And they did have a list of qualified physicians, behavioral psychologists and stuff. It just goes to show that not all schools are created equal. I have my son now in the school that he was supposed to be in, and have not had any problems with them. Why??? Because their teachers have been specially trained in working with children with special needs. Something which the other school claimed to have. The school he goes to right now doesn't have a lot of supposed awards and all but they do work with my son better than the school with plastered acknowledgements.

[sheldonmartin]

Listen you are going to have to trust me. I am a therapist. I see about 20 ADHD children a week. Along with managing medication if needed, and working through some tips, I recommend an online parenting class. The online class was put together by Dr. Randy Hyde. He is an expert in ADHD. In fact he made the online class because his practice was so full he had to expand his coverage. He charges 27 dollars a month for the program. It is a steal. I think you get a workbook, audio, video, etc. When you are done with the website, you cancel there are no questions asked. It is the best program I have ever seen. It is a must for ADHD children.

http://OneWeekParentingMiracle.com

[tyna]

I feel for every parent that has a child with this kinds of disablities. I too have fought with schools, and Drs. and other people that say's," If was you I'd tear their butt up." I tell them that don't work. My child is now 8 yrs. old. in 3rd. grade.I to had to go on some meds. myself because at times I can't deal with him.My son sometimes throws thing's because I had made him made. I can tell you, spanking's does not work. I have took everything out of his room. He tore his curtians down so, I now thumb tack them back up. Me and my husband goes to the store's together with him because he make's some outragous taturm if he don't get's what he want's. The school also call's me several time's a month to get him because of his behavior. I have missed work or had to leave to go get him. They ask me is there anybody else to get him? I said no,because nobody can handle him .We do give him meds. but he don't want to eat, and he is still stuburn. You know I can go on and on. I know I'm not alone, I just need some tips that maybe I have not tryed. I have read so many book's looked on the internet seems nothing works for long with him