Please Help!6 y-o daughter ungrateful

[kiahleigh]

Today was my daughters birthday party. She just turned six and we invited all her girl classmates as well as friends which we've known forever. I'm a single mom have been since she was 6 months old. We've been through our share of struggles but somehow I've always managed to get her whatever she wanted. She is spoiled in a sense and is ungrateful in every way. She was excited at first and couldn't wait for her birthday party all week. I wanted to make the day special for her in every possible way down to my last dollar. The girls started to arrive one after another. When one girl got there she told her she had to leave because we have dogs (apparently the girl is allergic but mom said it was okay). I didn't hear her say this but was told that she had. We then played games and she didn't win a prize (she had a ton of gifts yet to open) she ran off crying. I took her outside and explained to her that you can't always win (you know the speech). This really didn't change much she was still in a fowl mood. Next we did the birthday cake (Hannah Montana like she wanted) we all sang to her she had her arms crossed and she looked down the whole time with a nasty look on her face. When it was time to blow out the candles she wouldn't. Then it was gift opening time. All the girls were excited for her to open their gifts. My daughter began just opening the gift bags, when I told her we had to read the card first she said she didn't care. I told her I would hand her the gifts and tell her who they were from which I did but she payed me no mind. Each gift she opened I had to say "tell so and so thank you" she just said thanks not even looking at them. A lot of the gifts she was not really into and she just tossed them off to the side. She didn't smile once during this whole event. I was very embarrassed by her ungratefulness to the children and their mothers. At one point she began crying and ran into the bathroom (I think this was after blowing out the candle) because she was embarrassed. She told a couple of the girls she didn't want them there. She gave away a DS game that I bought her that was pretty expensive (I didn't know until after the party) she cried almost the entire time and like I said she showed no excitement, no laughter, no smile. What should I do? I'm so afraid she is not going to make friends if this pattern continues. She is so mean to the some of the girls. Telling them to stop following her, leave her alone, not to talk to her. I always try and correct her but it doesn't change. I want her to be liked by her peers and I want her to end up with a good group of friends. I'm scared for her future if this could eventually lead to her hanging out with the more rebellious kids. Can anyone offer me advice on what I can do? is it too late? How do I undo the damage I have done? where did I go wrong? I'm so sad about this and I can't stop crying. Should I have her call the kids and say I'm sorry. I don't know what to do!!!

[bluecollardad]

Listen, just because you are a single mom doesn't mean you can be taken advantage of. You spoiled her so that she would feel better about her dad not being there. Am I right??? It is never to late to start saying no, but she will fight you tooth and nail. She is used to getting what she wants and when she doesn't get it she is outraged. " How dare my mom say no " --" I am going to win because I want to ". does that sound familar??? What you need to do is start cutting her off. Reward her for good behavior only. You can not give in. every parent wants to shower their kids with gifts and give them what they want just to make them happy. You already see the side effects to this. You have to put your foot down. No means No. If she throws a fit (and she will at first) take something off of her. Ground her from a favorite toy, cut her off from watching hanna montana. talk to her during the fit, stay calm. Explain to her why she is in trouble. At the store when she asks you for something say NO and tell her she has to be good. Here is a method that helps. Make a chart with all the days off the week on it. If she has a good day put a smile face on it. If she has a bad day out a frown on it. Tell her she has to get 7 smile faces in a row to get a special treat. If she is bad the next day take it off of her. It is called tough love for a reason. If you continue to give her what she wants, she will walk all over you... I had the same problem with my oldest son who is 5. I started the award system with him and he now looks forward to it. He understands he has to work for it. He cleans his room, he does not fuss over bedtime, he shares his toys when friends come over. this was not always the case. everything had to be about him and what he wanted or what he wanted to do... Just stay the course, if you give in that means you gave up.

[twiceblessed]

Listen, just because you are a single mom doesn't mean you can be taken advantage of. You spoiled her so that she would feel better about her dad not being there. Am I right??? It is never to late to start saying no, but she will fight you tooth and nail. She is used to getting what she wants and when she doesn't get it she is outraged. " How dare my mom say no " --" I am going to win because I want to ". does that sound familar??? What you need to do is start cutting her off. Reward her for good behavior only. You can not give in. every parent wants to shower their kids with gifts and give them what they want just to make them happy. You already see the side effects to this. You have to put your foot down. No means No. If she throws a fit (and she will at first) take something off of her. Ground her from a favorite toy, cut her off from watching hanna montana. talk to her during the fit, stay calm. Explain to her why she is in trouble. At the store when she asks you for something say NO and tell her she has to be good. Here is a method that helps. Make a chart with all the days off the week on it. If she has a good day put a smile face on it. If she has a bad day out a frown on it. Tell her she has to get 7 smile faces in a row to get a special treat. If she is bad the next day take it off of her. It is called tough love for a reason. If you continue to give her what she wants, she will walk all over you... I had the same problem with my oldest son who is 5. I started the award system with him and he now looks forward to it. He understands he has to work for it. He cleans his room, he does not fuss over bedtime, he shares his toys when friends come over. this was not always the case. everything had to be about him and what he wanted or what he wanted to do... Just stay the course, if you give in that means you gave up.

Very, very, very good advice. And much better said than how I would have phrased it. Great going dad.

[cay8099]

I have found that walking away from a fit is very effective. They use the fits as a tool to get attention. The less attention you give a fit the less you will see one. This is just my opinion, but it seems to work.