my boss totally called me out..

[pennyroyal]

there are very few people aside from close family and friends that know my fiance and i are going through an adoption process. my boss knows, and she swore to keep it quiet until i was ready to let co-workers know.. and really i was surprised that it had never accidentally slipped out in conversation. im having my c-section on march 9, and she has been very respectful the whole pregnancy, not even talking about the adoption unless we are alone and have privacy.

until last nite, that is...

i went into work to get my new schedule and right away when she saw me she asked if i had been able to come to terms with the situation yet or if i was going to need counseling after the birth. it caught me off guard, because there were a lot of co-workers around and the resturant was actually pretty busy. she then started going into a conversation, asking me questions about how open the adoption is going to be, and if im going to be a part of the babys life, just really personal things that i was becoming very uncomfortable with. i noticed co-workers listening in shock and confusion, and all i could really do was say that i had to get going and run out of the resturant. i havent been trying to hide the adoption, but i have been keeping it on the down low because its a personal issue, and really i dont think that i owe my co-workers an explanation, as im not very close with any of them. they all have pretty much just assumed that im having a baby, and the normal stuff that goes along with it. why would they suspect anything different? they know i have a daughter already at home. im really upset though.. that my boss totally called me out infront of everyone. not only my co-workers, but guests of the resturant also. im dreading my shift today, because i know that rumors have probably already started going around, based on what they heard last nite. ugh.. why would she do that?? she knows that no one but her knew about it.. and that its a really delicate situation that i have a hard time talking about. its really bugging me that she didnt pull me aside, if she really had a bunch of questions, or needed to talk to me about it.. instead she just busted it out like it was no big deal and everybody knew everything about the situation. i dont know if i should talk to her about it and tell her how i feel or if i should just let it go.

[azriona]

Oh, wow. I'm so sorry that your boss did that - it was very unprofessional, not to mention rude and disrespectful to you. I do think it's worth reminding her - privately, of course - that your adoption plans are private and not really something you want to discuss in front of customers or other co-workers. For the purpose of the conversation, give her the benefit of the doubt that she may have forgotten the privacy bit (even if you know she blatantly ignored your request - it'll put you on the higher ground).

In the meantime, the cat's out of the bag, but that doesn't mean you have to answer questions you don't want to answer. Most people are asking out of curiosity, and aren't really thinking about the emotional ramifications of the choice you're making or the questions they're inflicting on you.

If anyone asks you about the adoption plan, you aren't required to tell them anything. One thing you can say is something along the lines of: "Yes, I'm making an adoption plan. However, this is a private matter between myself and (my boyfriend/the adoptive parents/the adoption agency) I'd really rather not discuss it. Thanks."

Most people will take that and move on (even if it does create a few moments of awkward silence). If the really insensitive folks press, feel free to lie and say that you're legally unable to answer their questions. And if they keep going, just end the conversation any way you can and leave. (If they're customers, you can further tell a manager that they're harassing you - you shouldn't have to put up with that in any situation for any reason, and yes, it's totally harassment if you've said you don't want to discuss it and they won't drop the subject.)

Good luck, hon.