Do-over parenting

[Sarah at Parenting]

Hi all! I'm an editor at Parenting, and I'm wondering: What would you do over if you could? Anything about big choices you've made about disciplining or raising your child? What about the smaller things like how you handled yesterday's whining?

[gandas]

I just saw my mom, and she always says she wishes she could have stayed at home with us longer instead of having to go back to work right away.

[AstoriaMama]

I would have pumped. My daughter refused to drink anything other than water or breastmilk and was constantly at me to "snack". I wish I could have just given her a bottle of pumped breastmilk and given me a little break!

[ra11en]

My mulligan would be to enjoy the newborn and early infant days more than I did. As a first time mom, I didn't realize just how fast those days would be gone and I wish I had slowed down to relish them more instead of trying to keep up with all the house and spousal responsibilities to prove I could still do it all. I plan to lay in bed doing nothing but enjoying the baby when I have the next one, and not hope so much that s/he would grow faster. :)

[madyryn]

If I could do anything over, I think that I would have waited a bit longer to have my second child. I have a 3 year old boy and a 7 month old girl. I would have liked my son to be fully potty trained.

[doncobeth]

My daughter is now six years old. I think I would stress less, and just enjoy her being little - I was so worried about doing something wrong and either screwing her up for life, or having other people think I was a bad parent that I kinda forgot to enjoy my baby and toddler. I would try to be more consistent in discipline. I wish I had spent more time with her - I have a long term illness, and by necessity my daughter was in daycare 3 days a week from the age of 2, which I feel a bit sad about. I am now 18 weeks pregnant with my second, and hope these things will be different this time.

[KelEMcE]

I have been thinking about this for awhile - and I can honestly say I would have done nothing different. I really enjoyed every single stage they've been at, while they were there, without feeling stressed or worried about it. I have tons of photos and video, I play and read to them every day, I spend the bulk of my time with these amazing little people who are so fun and give me such joy. I truly feel that I've done the very best I can do! I wish that I could slow down time, that I could videotape their entire lives, that I could just sit next to them all night long and smell them, keep them home forever, but I can't. My kids are two years apart and the best of friends, and often they would rather play together than with me. But then I remember that they will have that relationship with each other long after I'm gone, and I smile, thinking that I must be doing something right after all. No, I'm good. No regrets - except maybe that I couldn't have more!

[mom1931]

I would have stayed single for the rest of my life :-)

[ra11en]

LMAO to mom1931! Too funny!

[adriyensmom]

My daughter is 18 mo old and I have to say that I would have been more bold as a new mom. I was afraid to state my wishes (mostly with mother-in-law) when she was a baby, and now I have a hard time because I didn't start then. There was a time when I met her to pick up my daughter and she was in her infant seat, backwards, in the front passenger seat of her Jeep Liberty. I was furious inside...there was no reason she couldn't be in the back where she belonged, but I was afraid to speak up. I began potty training my daughter just after Christmas and things were going great, she spent a weekend with her grandma, under the terms that she would take her potty...it didn't happen all weekend and ruined all of my hard work, did I speak up? Nope! My daughter is sleeping in her own room in a toddler bed at home, at grandmas in a crib beside her bed... I wish I could stop this, but I didn't speak up in the beginning and now I don't know how.

[TrubearJ]

SOunds harsh, but I would've waited to have my kids when I got married. My oldest son is not my husbands and it is a dream of mine that he could've because he earns the title DAD.

[Megsmom]

I waited too long to be a mommy that I haven't regretted a thing.
My decision to adopt, as a single mom, and then wait many years (and with its ups and downs) to then be given this amazing gift of a child - there is just nothing in this world that I would do differently. I cherish each moment with her ... the good and the not-so-good ones both!

[winslowtribe]

I would have listen to my gut more, and the doctor less my son has always been under weight healthy but under weight after I stopped breast feeding him to sleep at 18 months I started giving him whole milk mixed with yogurt for bed and he really started to bulk up. But his doctor was insistent that he not be on a bottle so as a first time mom I took his harsh words over my own gut feeling. My son lost some weight just when he was so close to reaching the average weight for his age. Every time I look back and see photos of him on the bottle and then off I just feel awful that I let someone else dictate what was best for my child.

[Chelle]

I have always been a person who lives with no regrets. That hasn't changed since I've become a mom. I live each day thankfully. If something doesn't go quite the way we would have liked, there is always a lesson to learn so we don't repeat. I wouldn't change any good or bad moment, they are what make life interesting.

[twiceblessed]

I wouldn't change anything. Each and every day is a learning experience and a way for me to grow not only as an individual but as a wife and mommy as well. I have always been one to weigh the advice of others with the gut instinct that I have and that has allowed me to feel very confident in the decisions that I make and the actions that I take.

[arty]

I would have waited until later in life to have had my children. My oldest is 14 and I wish I had waited to have him. I am 33 and I just had my second. I wish I were married before-hand. Life might be a little easier.

[AgonyAunt]

I wouldn't change anything!
Good or bad it's all part of who I am and who my children will become.

Having said that, if I ever have another I will accept offers of help!

[Lady Cathleen]

As I read through this thread I was thinking the whole time....someone say what the last post said. Good for you!

I made a lot of mistakes with my first child (we all do). There is no such thing as a perfect mother. Yet, I would not change a thing. Think about it, we learned from those mistakes and we grew stronger, better parents for them. All those little things make us who we are. I think we need to stop thinking about what we would change and start thinking about the future things we can do to help our family grow...live in the moment. Looking back and dwelling on the things we wish we could change is regret is it not?

[amma_mama]

Perhaps "do over" is a misconception - I agree that it is both the good and the bad that shape who we and our children are. That said, perhaps we should word the question a bit differently, i.e. what would you do DIFFERENT - i.e., we have all made "mistakes" that we have learned from or have different views of things in hindsight. For me, if I had another colicky baby, I would consider more attachment parenting techniques to cope (e.g. baby in sling, etc.). With #2, I would also be less worried that everything was a "test" of my motherhood skills (I am still not sure who was grading me the first time other than myself). Hopefully, both things together would allow to enjoy those first 6 months more!

[geniak]

I dont think I would do anything over as a parent - other than wishing I had more patience sometimes but I guess that comes with being a parent.
As far as since childbirth - I had a hysterectomy and it has been the worst thing I have ever done. No one told me things were going to be this bad!

[ra11en]

I'm really getting tired of the new advertising from conveniently new members. I have visited three posts this morning that MerryMom is pushing this website on - enough already. It is shady and getting annoying.

[merlinthecat]

I wish that I wouldn't have gone back to work after having dd...she stopped breast feeding and drinking the breast milk I pumped.

[reagansmom]

I would have tried pumping and giving her a bottle much sooner than I did. By the time I tried she completely rejected it. If anything, just so I could have one day of running errands without a time restriction and so my husband can have some good quality father-daughter time without me around.

Also, I would've tried the pacifier sooner. She won't take it now and sometimes when I'm wearing a sleeveless tank top she gnaws on my shoulder and has actually given me a hickey!